To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

arethereanyleftatall The parents breathing helps the baby regulate their breathing, you don't need to be awake.

To those talking about sids risk, what about when you go to sleep? You're saying op can't go for an hour without watching baby, but surely you do that when you're asleep?

It’s not about watching them FFS. Read the damn thread.

Ah, ok, thanks @lalalalyra

The way I look at all the guidelines is: how many times have you been in a car accident where a seatbelt has saved your life? Me: none. But I still buckle my seatbelt every time. The worst most likely will not happen. If it does though, can you make peace with the choices you made up to that point? I used this recently to explain choice to do extended rear facing in car but actually I think it can apply to any situation where you are trying to protect against a fatal outcome.

God, I don't know why I always get into these threads. All these women lining up to beat up the OP, claim there must be something wrong with her if she ever wants a minute away from her newborn. Do you know what I think must be damaging to a baby? Growing up with a mother who gets her kicks from making other women feel bad.

Thanks also @eurochick and @Rubusfruticosus.

@PoutySprout - the others managed to answer my question without an insult.

This has to be a joke post, surely?

I'm on my third baby and wouldn't have let him sleep by himself until at least 4 months old. He's six months old today and we have been putting him to sleep upstairs by himself for a couple of weeks now. He goes to sleep like a dream despite having spent his first 5 months in my arms or in his basket while I watched telly on the sofa downstairs.

Keep your baby with you until he's a bit older. His routine will be just fine. Enjoy the cuddles!

Just to to confirm, 0.03% is still too many babies dying and is tragic but I agree and was surprised by how small the percentage was. I thought for sure it was going to be about 5-10%, based on how prevalent the guidelines are.,

The percentage is small, it's also much smaller now than it used to be. The guidelines work. No-one quite knows if it's hearing you breath or whatever, but the guidelines of same room and feet to foot have cut that percentage down considerably.

Lol at a routine at 4 weeks.

Don't be quiet with her in the room. Carry on as normal. You want a baby that sleeps through anything

This is sensible advice and should be heeded!

Mine was a brilliant sleeper. He slept through the night at four weeks and was put down to sleep in the bedroom at 7pm. Bear in mind that this was in the dark ages when we knew nothing.

Not a good idea.

If part of the motivation is to ensure that your husband gets a good sleep, then maybe he needs to sleep in a different room for the time being.

Evidence is evidence, fact is fact. Sudden infant death is a possibility at that age. Don’t ignore that.

She will have no awareness of routine at all, and will not notice the TV and other noise. What she needs to reduce the SIDS risk actually is noise. Tiny babies also need a lot of cuddles, have you talked to anyone yet about what babies need? Maybe the health visitor can recommend some local classes for you, it's good to ask and you'll meet other mums too. At four months when she can roll and with a monitor you can start to think of this stuff, but you still need to be wary that a monitor doesn't see a sudden fever, vomit etc.

I don’t understand why sleeping through is seen as such an achievement. Babies are supposed to wake up in the night, it’s this that keeps them alive. In a dark, quiet room without another human breathing, of course they will sleep through better or more quickly because you aren’t disrupting them. The whole point is we are supposed to.

I think it’s complete madness to shut a two week old in a dark room away from it’s mother. I wouldn’t let my baby out of my sight at night for at least 6 months.

Everyone does things differently but OP I would personally think that is too young and keeping your baby in the sitting room with you for another few months isn’t really going to make any difference. You can still establish a bath/pjs/story/feed routine. We did with DD and she is an excellent sleeper. The months go by in the blink of an eye, and you get ‘your time’ back before you know it, I promise.

I'm not trying to make out you're a bad mother, if you feel that it's on you.
I just find it disturbing that you're trying to put distance between yourself and a 4 week old infant. It's sad.

Your second sentence cancels out your first. I'm not going to defend myself further to your comments because I'm probably still too hormonal not to just call you a prick nasty name.

By the way, you also can't 'make' a baby one of the ones who sleep through anything; you either get those or you don't. DS didn't need dark and quiet because of anything we did - we put up to bed because he needed dark and quiet, not the other way round. I was glad that he at least continued to have his day time naps on the go - in pram or sling - so that we had that flexibility, but at around 6 months he started only napping in his cot. I didn't do anything to cause this - I very much didn't want to have a cot napper - but you don't really get to pick how they sleep. All that making DS try and sleep in the light and sound in the evening achieved was a screaming, overtired baby (surely not good for his development?), not a baby who would sleep in the light and sound.

This has to be a joke post, surely?

That poster wasn't a prick. Your attitude to your baby is sad. It makes me very sad. Why on earth would you take the risk?

I'd advise you to buy and read some baby books, pretty sharpish.

I don’t think the SIDs risk is 0.03% if you aren’t following guidelines. I think that’s the risk if you are.

So what you want to know OP is what was the SIDs rate before this guideline came in, and how significantly did it decrease the risk. I don’t know what the answer is, but I suspect it was a lot higher than 0.03%.

I don’t think I had put my DD down anywhere by 4 weeks. - what, do you mean you held her constantly 24 hours a day? Didn't your baby have a father who would love to hold her? What did you do when you wanted a bath or shower toilet? Presumably you didn't have other children/relatives who needed care and attention? What happened when you slept?

Sleeping through is an issue because you get a decent night's sleep. Being sleep deprived isn't a badge of honour.

How much light do you need? Lamp instead of overhead light, hood bit pulled up on the moses basket.

babies are so useless that they can die if they can't hear you breathing?! That makes them seem even more parasitical than they already are.

Yes human babies are born useless and basically very premature compared to other mammals. Giraffes can walk within a day, takes human babies nearly a year. It’s the whole size of the pelvis vs size of the head thing, a relatively common feature of any science program about human evolution / child development / that sort of thing.

I think we will wait until 2-3 months to start thinking about this - seems like a lot of people started around that mark.

I'm glad I asked as yes, I can maybe see that 4 weeks is a bit too early. Don't think I'll go all the way to 6 months though.