To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

We did this and it was fine. It was only a guideline (or so I thought at the time and before I ever read MN!)
It is definitely safer than co sleeping. It is really important to have the right environment e.g. sleeping bag, flat mattress, cool temp room etc..
My DS was in with us for a few weeks and didn't settle well at all and so we tried him in his own room & it was much better (for him)

We did this from a 3/4 weeks old. Checked on him regularly. It was fine. And it suited him - he got in to the 'down at 7' routine v easily (not the sleeping till 7, but that's a different story!). If it had been a total disaster and he was distressed I guess we would have changed plan - but it's definitely worth a try.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed.

Then you don't understand the point of being in the same room (which is unsurprising as it's rarely explained!)

Your baby is meant to be in the same room as you till 6 months, so they can hear your breathing and be near you when they're asleep. This helps them regulate their own breathing while asleep and helps protect against SIDS.

A baby monitor and checking are irrelevant. Your baby needs to be near you.

*It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room."

Don't be quiet. I wasn't with either of mine. They slept in the front room, it was fine. My eldest slept in the moses basket, my youngest liked to be held so I let her snuggle and sleep on my chest of an evening. It was lovely.

Letting them sleep while you carry on with life won't mess up their routines later on. It'll help them sleep with noise.

This is such an easy solution, stop worrying about noise and routines, and get on with enjoying your evenings, while your baby sleeps near you.

Look up the SIDs rates OP. I may be wrong but I’m sure there is a bit of a ‘shelf’ after 4m and the rate dips.

It’s technically a risk up to one year old I think but everyone draws the line somewhere, the NHS bods chose 6m, but I guess you might choose differently.

Look up the statistics though if you want to make an informed choice. Opinion and ‘mine were fine’ is a bit useless really.

Oh ignore that poster OP. Loads of us on this thread are all in the wrong too then according to her, ignore.

My DS went in to his own room at roughly 2 weeks as I could not sleep with the sleep noises he made and I was convinced I was keeping him awake with my own tossing and turning and DHs snoring, he just seemed so restless. Into his own calm, dark room and his routine fell in to place much easier. Plus then DH and I could then have a bit of dinner and watch tv without the noise disturbing him.

We had one of those sleep pads that detects movement so an alarm would go off had he stopped breathing. So took the stress out of the situation.

I even saw an advert the other day for a little sock they can wear that detects their oxygen levels and heart rate and will alert you with an alarm if there are changes.

There will be a lot of other parents on here that put their baby to peacefully sleep in another room as well, but will be too afraid to say it for fear of judgement. But I'm not bothered.

DS slept 7-7 from 3 months and is still a brilliant sleeper at nearly 6.

If you play breathing soundson a white noise machine while the baby sleeps, does that substitute for you being in the same room?

Thing is, at 4 weeks this is purely what your baby is doing at 4 weeks. It will change - sometimes even weekly. Babies are not right or wrong, you just need to respond to them.

Can you do that in a different room? It didn't come naturally to me - and my son was a total nightmare. But he was my nightmare. So he stayed in with me to 5 months, when I recognised we were waking eachother up. But I had a massive baby, who barely made it to 16 weeks before eating food (the recommended time then was 4 months).

Personally, I doubt you can respond to a 4 week old in another room, especially as men somehow never seem to hear babies.

That poster wasn't a prick. Your attitude to your babyissad. It makes me very sad. Why on earth would you take the risk?

We take risks every day relating to death. For me it would be a measured risk and we would be vigilant. As you may have seen from my recent post, I've taken on board everythi g that has been said and decided to wait until she's about 3 months.

So this thread has achieved something- other than making me feel like I don't love my baby enough- so great!

I never have with either of my two, but that's because that arrangement wouldn't have suited us.

For context I'm one who believes the guidelines are there with good reason, but are exactly that: GUIDElines. I read them, coinsider them, and then do what I think best (e.g weaned DD at 24 weeks not 26 because she was showing all signs of readiness). We don't have a HV because I won't have things pushed on me if I don't think they're right for my DC.

Personally I'd be VERY wary leaving a baby that young alone asleep. DD is almost 6 months, and the only time I leave her alone (awake or asleep) is to potter about doing housework, never alone for more than a minute or so without me checking on her. If you're keen to do this, I'd wait another few weeks to get past peak SIDS risk, then invest in a monitor with a sensor mat. I've seen adverts for something called an OWL (I think) which monitors oxygen saturation levels. Could be worth reading up on.

I was told no by a midwife, Sea. I asked that specific question because one of mine needed white noise and it drives me doolally lol

Good question

what, do you mean you held her constantly 24 hours a day? Didn't your baby have a father who would love to hold her? What did you do when you wanted a bath or shower toilet? Presumably you didn't have other children/relatives who needed care and attention? What happened when you slept?

She was being held by someone unless she was in her car seat or pram. We didn’t have a Moses basket or anywhere to put her down. If I needed the loo or whatever DH or someone else would hold her. I exclusively expressed and used to lie her on my thighs whilst I pumped (every 3 hours in those early days). She slept on my chest at night for the first 4 months (safely).

My parents left the country when she was a week old (they lived abroad) and DH went back to work (away) at 4 weeks.

I would have them in your room over night.a couple of hrs on an evening o can't see the risk. My understanding is that the biggest risk is smoking so assuming you're smoke free I think anything else is negligible

OP, of course you love your baby and you don't have to be welded to her 24/7 to prove that. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

It is definitely safer than co sleeping.

Not if you safely cosleep, it isn’t.

Just seen your post above @m4rdybum about the percentages. You also need to be aware that babies can quickly get very dangerously unwell with illnesses such as bronchiolitis, meningitis, etc. Is your DH at work in the day, maybe he wants baby snuggles in the evening. They're tiny for such a short time, don't waste it and do remember how very vulnerable your baby is, this is the time she needs you most.

If you play breathing soundson a white noise machine while the baby sleeps, does that substitute for you being in the same room?

Why outsource basic parenting to a machine?

If you play breathing soundson a white noise machine while the baby sleeps, does that substitute for you being in the same room?

No one knows why the same room thing works so it would be impossible to know.

Apparently the theory is that adult and baby mirror each other’s breathing automatically - apparently this happens naturally in various contexts (between adults that are cuddling on the sofa for example) and babies are kind of hard wired to use that synchronicity as reassurance. But because babies are shit at life, as per mentioned, if they get out of step with a recording they will struggle to get back to it and then it will be useless, not like with an adult whose breath will naturally modulate to help them out, without you realising it.

Note all the ‘apparentlys’ I’m not a professional!, just what I got told.

Then you don't understand the point of being in the same room (which is unsurprising as it's rarely explained!)

Your baby is meant to be in the same room as you till 6 months, so they can hear your breathing and be near you when they're asleep. This helps them regulate their own breathing while asleep and helps protect against SIDS.

You don't know the difference between 'one theory' and 'established fact'. The idea that they need to hear you breathe is the former.

You will get loads of anecdotal evidence from people who put their babies to sleep in a separate room from a young age and they didn't die of SIDS. But statistically, looking at ALL babies, those sleeping separately ARE Amore likely to die of SIDS.

That doesn't mean you will definitely be one of the unlucky ones, but why risk it?

OP the people on these threads are always really judgmental. I didn't start using MN until mine were much older for this very reason.
I would say getting in a car is probably more dangerous?
Just go with what works best for you as a family. A baby which has had enough sleep in a quiet room is going to be much happier.

I put DC in Moses basket while I was downstairs. Never had him downstairs in Moses basket but he woke every couple of hours to feed (bf) so it wasn't bed time as such.

Aw no op, enjoy her she's so small!

I’m pleased you’ve decided to wait op, you’ve had a few nasty replies and don’t deserve that, my friend put her baby in his own room at 6 weeks, I didn’t agree but also didn’t mention my feelings on it. Do what works best for you and your baby.