DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

For the posters that can't understand why the finger would be the end of the relationship. It's because of what it indicates. The OP texted DH because she wanted to keep the phone line open. This is clear intelligent thinking. He has behaved like a brat and the OP herself has said that he is not otherwise nice and there are other issues.
It's in the really shit times that the measure of a person is seen. I would not be married to someone that the finger is even in their 'repertoire'. If I was with someone and I had done all that I had for the DC in this situation and they did this to me I would be done. Had he apologised the following morning it would have been something but he is continuing in the same vein.

My DD got injured and needed to go to hospital when in DH's care and I wasn't nearby. He sorted DD out then called his DM to ask her to babysit DS as he didn't know how long they'd be in hospital and then he called me. Turned out she got treatment very quickly and didn't need to stay in. I wasn't in any way angry DH called MIL first, he was ensuring our DC were looked after before possibly calling me back home.

I've also called MIL before DH for DS as she was in the position to drive us to hospital (sent from GP, not ambulance worthy but needed A&E, taxi would take longer than MIL). He wasn't angry with me either for the same reason.

At neither time were either of us phoning MIL for a gossip over it all, our priorities were the DC first then their other parent.

It's in the really shit times that the measure of a person is seen.

This is it in a nutshell. When I compare my dh to previous asshat ex this is clearly seen. Asshat couldn't adult, couldn't see bigger issues, could only see his own, pathetic self.

PinaColada1 Fri 01-Feb-19 00:37:36
Okay missed that. Still I’d have rung right away.

Blocking the phone line, potentially missing the call from the ambulance trying to tell you they couldn't find your house? You'd have done that? Because that to me sounds really odd.

Gosh what a stressful situation for everyone.

I understand your line of thinking OP - given how scary it must have been. I wonder how scared your DP was only having a text to go on? Not a situation anyone is thinking clearly in.

The middle finger is a bit childish, but hardly a deal breaker - it's not like he raged around destroying rhe hospital room.

I think once you're both calmed down you can probably have a conversation about it that doesn't dissolve into a shouting match.

I wouldn’t have been too happy to see an overly helpful ex of my DP when I was trying to take care of my family either

I wouldn't see it that way. I can see a situation and see what is, and what isn't important and if know my fragile ego didn't matter a crap.

You should have phoned him before your mother, and you shouldn't have accepted a lift from your ex boyfriend and then gone on about how nice it was of him to offer.

However your husband's reactions are very childish. In all my years of marriage my husband and I have never seriously given each other the finger, that's one of the most pathetic things I've seen on this website so far.

My son was hopsitalised on a monthly basis, sometimes with me taking him in a taxi and other times being taken in an ambulance. DS's dad lives 2.5 hours away, yet he was always the first call I made after speaking to 11 or 999. He couldn't actually do anything, and never actually came to the hospital and helped in any way. BUT he is DS's dad and is the first person that needs to know.

I would then ring family who would support me, but only after I had let his dad know what was happening. I can understand him being upset that he wasn't the first person that you thought to ring. And to just get a text with, I'm assuming, bare information would make him even more concerned. You could have rung him and given him the chance to find out what exactly was going on and to put his mind at rest.

I also would be annoyed if I was your DH and you thought it was a good idea to have a lift with an ex - no matter how innocent your past relationship was.

Yet two more posters who have completely missed the point (repeatedly stated) that the OP did not phone her mother for support but for medical advice as to whether to call an ambulance.

Because the OPs mother has access to that expertise and the OPs dh does not. It was not about supporting the OP, it was about working out the best and safest option of caring for the OPs ds.

Contrary to what some posters seem to think, it is not always clear whether an ambulance should be called. And every time you do call an ambulance, that means the ambulance has to prioritise you rather than some other patient. Calling an ambulance for no reason means some other woman's child might die.

In the present case, the decision was not immediately clear, so the OP did what we are all recommended to do: sought medical advice and then kept the phone line clear while waiting for the ambulance.

I have been in this situation many times. Sometimes I have ended up calling an ambulance, sometimes it has been found that no ambulance was needed, sometimes a paramedic but no ambulance has been sent out, on one occasion we decided (rightly) that the urgency was such that we needed to accept the offer of a lift from a friend rather than wait for the ambulance. Not on a single occasion has dh expected me or I expected dh to prioritise the other parent's feeling above getting the decision process right for our child.

But the obvious choice would have been to call 111/999 and then the DH. I don't understand why she called so many people. Her mother is a GP RECEPTIONIST. If she was a GP then I would understand, but she may as well have rung a dental surgery and spoken to a receptionist there.

corythatwas

What 👆🏼they said. Someone with comprehension skills. Unlike some people on this thread...

It makes uncomfortable reading sometimes when it becomes quickly apparent some posters would rather misinterpret/ extrapolate to suit the narrative they prefer.

Ringing A&E reception might not have been the most sensible thing, but hindsight is 20/20. In the moment, it's hard to know how anyone would react.

OP, your son's health is priority, not your partner's feelings in this scenario. I hope DS is having a better day and you're able to get some headspace.

I also would be annoyed if I was your DH and you thought it was a good idea to have a lift with an ex

You'd have the headspace to be annoyed in that moment. And annoyed about what? Worried that your partner would fall madly in love with the ex?

No but I think it was completely inappropriate, and I would like to think that my DH wouldn't consider it to even be an option, let alone take them up on their offer. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm just saying that I can understand how the DH would feel.

You're at home with child.
DH at work, working.
Mother has connection to medical profession.

Child in a state which concerns you.

Of course you ring your mum. She has relevant knowledge and experience - and in this case, has access to people with exactly the knowledge and experience you need.
Then you ring A&E.
Then you ring ambulance.

Now you ring dh as the emergency is being dealt with.

OR

First you ring, who has no relevant knowledge and experience. He hums and hahs because has no more idea than you do.

In those minutes, child's condition worsens and becomes MORE of an emergency.

So when you get off the phone to dh, you thening your mum and those minutes have been wasted while your childs comes more sick.

Presumably that's the outdome he wanted then?

Vis a vis the friend (who actually sounds like 'just someone you happen to know because you're not 5yo and didn't grow up trapped in a dark room'j, your h isbeing ridiculous.

All in all, dh is beng a tosser, and everyone who came across hm in the hosptal probably thinks 'poor woman, what a tosser she's stuck with'.

I also would be annoyed if I was your DH and you thought it was a good idea to have a lift with an ex

Why? It's not like she'd be shagging him whilst getting her things for the overnight stay together. I cannot imagine having to say, "Sorry I cannot accept a lift in my time of need because my DP's ego is so fragile that they feel so threatened by you doing something that will help DP and my child, so I'd rather spend £80 unnecessary on a taxi instead."

"I know you're a bit fragile atm and it's totally understandable but I've just bumped into my old ex Romeo and he's going to give me a lift to sort out a couple of issues. Keep an eye on your son. He's still a bit poorly. Tally ho.."

TheCounter you have managed to explain what I couldn't really put into words. It just seems very disrespectful in a normal situation. But when you are in the hospital, with a sick child it seems that much worse.

This DP has done nothing useful, or kind, or sympathetic. I bet he does fuck all in the way of childcare generally - unless there's the chance of getting an admiring audience

I think he also drowns puppies at the weekend, votes UKIP and picks fights with strangers.

The ‘D’P sounds like an utter dick.

I suffered a PPH years ago. I did not ring medical help first, I rang my best friend to ask her advice! She tried to persuade me to call an ambulance which I thought was silly. Being always drummed in never to dial 999 unless it was life and death (& it didn’t feel like life and death as I wasn’t dramatically dying).

So I called midwife next who was calm till she realised how bad I was and told me to immediately ring 999 and get an ambulance.

Which I did.

So I can completely see why OP followed the line of thinking she did. I also then text ex (H at time after ambulance was on way to let him know I was on way into hospital with our newborn and why).

I also agree with PP who says it sounds like this DP sounds like he is not usually a lovely person to OP either if this is ow he behaves during an emergency where OP is concentrating on her DC.

So by most of your reasoning, the OP was silly to phone so many people before an ambulance but its understandable because she was concerned for her son.

But the father was probably also worried. He may have overreacted, but this isn't allowed because he's not the mother.

Boxofcheese it’s understandable the OP rang around for medical advice.

Everyone she called prior to her P was related to getting medically help for her dc which her P would be unable to provide unless he’s a paediatrician and she’s forgotten to mention it.

Ok he's being a big kid over it but yes he deserved a phone call before your mum (or even just after as he wasn't comparing phone time logs) the fact is you texted him rather than called, I would be peeved too. After that his behaviour was odd to say the least but he does have a point

*So by most of your reasoning, the OP was silly to phone so many people before an ambulance but its understandable because she was concerned for her son.

But the father was probably also worried. He may have overreacted, but this isn't allowed because he's not the mother.*

Oh, I missed the bit where the OP instead of trying to get medical advice stuck the finger up at her dh because she thought her feelings were more important than getting the dc the right care.

Everyone she called prior to her P was related to getting medically help for her dc which her P would be unable to provide unless he’s a paediatrician and she’s forgotten to mention it

A doctors receptionist and an A and E receptionist who could both lose their jobs if they have incorrect advice