Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

224 replies

nameychanging · 31/01/2019 17:08

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long. Sad

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 31/01/2019 21:16

I was reading post think he's got a bloody cheek, given how serious the situation is and he must have known how panicked and worried you were..
.
Then suddenly thought hold on..it's his son too. Reverse it - how would you feel if your son was ill and your H hadnt rung you - added to that his female friend/ex was taking him to yours then on to hospital? Wouldn't you have felt left out?

You didn't even ring him - you sent him a text.

I don't think you were wrong necessarily. But I can understand how it looks to him. It's his son too why was he the last to know? I'd have thought you'd ring him after you rang your mum or GP to be honest.

Have the row then let it go

ChakiraChakra · 31/01/2019 21:19

Of course you weren't wrong to ring your mum. It wasn't for a nice little chat, it was because she is a gatekeeper for medical advice, and as it happened, the one that gave you what you needed quickest.

I can't get over him sticking his middle finger up at you. It seems to epitomize his behaviour in a nutshell.

if my husband was at hospital with our child and got a lift back home with someone he’d shagged (assuming you did here) I would not be very happy at all. I would find it extremely disrespectful. Regardless of who does or does not drive I’d expect him to get a taxi and I’d afford him the same respect.

She didn't shag him. Mum, DP and OP don't drive. I don't know what other options DP thought she could pull up but I think it's much better to accept help from a friend who is right there than to waste time and potentially a lot of money calling a taxi. I don't know how far it is, but she'd have to get them to wait, on the meter, while she packed things or when she was done call and wait - away from her sick child. Perhaps you think it would still be necessary to spend a lot of money, use time and energy calling and waiting for taxis away from your sick kid out of respect for your DP... I would like to hope that my partner would be WAY more offended by me doing that than just accepting the lift.

The fact that OP did manage to produce another friend (a nice safe female one) who could come and give a lift, just goes to prove how resourceful she has been in this emergency. She has looked after an ill child, sought help deciding if it was an emergency, called 999 and told closest family, gone with child in ambulance, been with child in hospital, handled being worried about child, an upset and rude partner, and reassured child, arranged a lift, gone to pack, returned armed for an overnight stay. In that same time frame her partner has left work, got to hospital, and been rude and upsetting to somebody who is upset and doing all the legwork.

When the dust has settled he needs a metaphorical clip around the ear about the way he has treated you. He had no right. Yes he was upset. So were you. He should have handled feeling upset that you didn't call him first, much better. He should have handled feeling insecure about the friend much better. He should have, even if he was upset with you, recognised that this is a crisis and his hurties were nowhere near important in the grand scene of a very ill child. He should have been looking after you in the hospital just as you were looking after him. He should have been doing everything he fucking well could have done too have made the situation even a tiny bit more bearable. He did the opposites of those things.

MistressDeeCee · 31/01/2019 21:19

All very well people doing the extreme namecalling but your "arse" 🙄 of a husband was the parent of an ill child too I'm sure he was also stressed and tense or aren't dads given any leeway?🙄

HeyThoughIWalk · 31/01/2019 21:22

@MistressDeeCee If my DS was ill, and DH messaged to say he was on the way to hospital with him, having rung a few apparently random people, I'd assume he was in a slight panic, and I might think "that wasn't the best way to handle this", but that would be it - I'd be focussing on DS and whatever needed to be done.

I find it odd to think that anyone would think anything else, to be honest. We're all capable of doing slightly odd things when we're stressed and in a new situation. Unless the situation is likely to be repeated, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

ChakiraChakra · 31/01/2019 21:23

I'd have thought you'd ring him after you rang your mum or GP to be honest.

What... before she rang the ambulance?! Confused oh wait poorly child, I'd better let your dad know before I summon the emergency help in case he's a bit huffy that I should have let him know sooner.

What's with this being the last to know thing? She wasn't exactly ringing everybody in her address book!

ErickBroch · 31/01/2019 21:23

He sounds absolutely bloody horrible - clearly isn't about him not being called first, he's just a massive arsehole. You are worried about your child and he is making things worse and making it all about him. Vile.

ReanimatedSGB · 31/01/2019 21:24

But this sounds like a man whose interest is in himself, first and foremost. His only concern regarding a sick child is why he hasn't been prioritised - and then he's stamping his feet and whining because the OP's met an old male friend who has offered practical help.
This DP has done nothing useful, or kind, or sympathetic. I bet he does fuck all in the way of childcare generally - unless there's the chance of getting an admiring audience.

Yabbers · 31/01/2019 21:27

You don’t actually think you are being unreasonable though, do you?

Northernparent68 · 31/01/2019 21:28

I think you are deliberately pushing your partner out, and trying to make him jealous by involving your ex boyfriend. it’s a shitty thing to do. You do nt own your son, your partner is no less a parent than you,

nameychanging · 31/01/2019 21:29

@Northernparent68 I accept all comments on this thread but can't disagree with one more than that! Christ.

OP posts:
ChakiraChakra · 31/01/2019 21:33

All very well people doing the extreme namecalling but your "arse" 🙄 of a husband was the parent of an ill child too I'm sure he was also stressed and tense or aren't dads given any leeway?🙄

Sure. Although for me leeway is he might snap or momentarily fixate on the wrong thing. It doesn't extend to blocking me getting the most logical and immediately available lift, giving me the finger in the middle of a crisis and sulking too much to give me any emotional support.

If it was to be leeway, don't you think that it's reasonable that he apologizes for being an arse under stress?

ChakiraChakra · 31/01/2019 21:37

Christ all-fucking mighty @Northernparent68 what are you on?!

crispysausagerolls · 31/01/2019 21:40

I can’t believe how many people buy into the 111 system. It’s a ridiculous, slow box ticking exercise that wastes time in an actual emergency and where they don’t go off script so it’s completely pointless and irrelevant to the situation. I’ve been let down every single time I’ve called - they are fucking useless.

Lelly0503 · 31/01/2019 21:40

@silky the OP did ring her DH first after dialling 999. It was her mum at the GP surgery she called beforehand to try and speak to a dr For advice as she wasn’t sure what to do in that moment

Aridane · 31/01/2019 21:42

Very odd

greeneyedlulu · 31/01/2019 21:44

Wow!!! Mother tries to do her best for her sick child and gets berated by dickhead partner (personally I really would be packing his bag and fucking him right off) and then asks for advice on here and gets berated too!!!!

  1. You did the right thing in phoning the people you thought might be able to help you most first!
  2. Sorry but your oh is being a complete and utter dick and I would seriously considering my entire relationship with a man who considered it to be ok to do that!!
  3. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK PEOPLE?? You all would move heaven and earth first if you thought it would help your own child so enough of the berating!!

OP -- you did the right thing and I hope your baba is ok!!
When I had that myself with my ds I was absolutely beside myself with worry and would have done anything and everything in my power to help him!! In fact in his first hospital stay for fits, I stayed by his bedside for days before my dad said that i should have a shower! It hadn't even occurred to me that it had been 3 days since i showered because I was so worried about my boy and would not leave his side and would only quickly pee when a nurse came in to his room for checks!!
It's all very well on the shoulda, woulda, coulda but get some perspective ladies, OP did what was best!!

Schuyler · 31/01/2019 21:45

@crispysausagerolls NHS 111 are good for things like when you have a chest infection or urine infection and need treatment as you cannot await your GP surgery re-opening. If you’re bleeding profusely or having severe breathing issues, it’s 999. At least you’ll get sign posted towards something medical.

PinaColada1 · 31/01/2019 21:47

I too think give both of yourselves some slack. It’s terrifying having a child go to A&E, for both of you. People can react badly when they are panicked. The ex was icing on the cake.

The finger is totally ridiculous though.

Can you be the bigger person here? Of course your DH should be acting like an adult, but he isn’t. Can you show him that you were both scared.

Trillis · 31/01/2019 21:47

OP I think you did nothing wrong at all. I can see myself doing exactly the same. You got advice/help as fast as you could, and then let your partner know what was happening. If it were the other way round, I would absolutely want my DP to sort as much as he could before letting me know. Then, when he told me, he could also tell me that everything was in hand. Makes it much easier to know that, if you aren't/can't be on the spot. I'd also have no problem at all with the lift home from the ex. I think your DH behaved badly.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 31/01/2019 21:49

On the scariest day for me in so long

Whilst it’s true your husband has behaved poorly (sticking his finger up at you was ridiculous) I think you need to think about this sentence.

The day was just as scary for your husband. I can’t imagine how awful he must have felt, waiting for you to arrive, not knowing what was going on.

Your husband could have behaved better, but perhaps he felt frantic and panicked too. Maybe extend him the same compassion & understanding you’re asking him to show you.

Hope your little boy is better soon Flowers

Parttimewasteoftime · 31/01/2019 21:56

Smoggle I agree 👍
My DM is a nurse constantly used to txt / msg her and once ended up going for emergency chest xray. Contacted my DH ASAP he was working and didn't need a update on every step!?
Well done OP you got treatment and you DP is batshit hope you all OK now 💐

nameychanging · 31/01/2019 22:05

Got home, tried to explain to DP why I was upset and he's spent the past 15 minutes having a go at me.

OP posts:
Banthesnow · 31/01/2019 22:10

@nameychanging tell him to f#ck off. You've had a hell of a day & that's the last thing you need. You did your very best in a horrible situation. If he can't see that he's a spoilt entitled arse. His needs do not trump yours or your DS. You've explained what happened, there was no ulterior motive from you. Just the safety & health of your DS.

NOTthepinkranger · 31/01/2019 22:15

I’m sorry I can’t get past phoning a&e?? Do you think they have an extra doctor just sat there for medical advice? Of course it would be admin.

I have lots of doctors in my family btw would still contact 999 before them in any situation where I believed it was an emergency (f1)

NOTthepinkranger · 31/01/2019 22:16

Crispy why are you ringing them in an emergency :s

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread