DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

@SnipSnipMrBurgess got here in an ambulance. DP and DM don't drive.

How fucking thick ARE some people?

She didn’t ring her Mammy for a virtual hug, she rang her because she thought she’d be able to get advice from the GP where she works and she did. She needed MEDICAL advice and got it.

It’s all very well saying she should have called 111/999/walk in or whatever, but she was TERRIFIED and did what SHE thought was best and second only to calling 999 it WAS the best thing to do. She didn’t call 999 because she wasn’t sure if she should or not and frankly, tears on here are probably responsible for people hesitating to do so.

nameychanging. 🍰🍷. I’d suggest you cuddle DS and then have a nice shower, put on some comfy clothes, watch something distracting and hide this thread. You didn’t do anything wrong at all & you’ve had a really bad day, the last thing you need to do is keep justifying yourself to anyone here x

I think what you did was fine, given that you were in a bit of a panic, and that your DH has no medical expertise. Phoning A&E was probably a bit pointless, but I can totally see myself doing the same if I was in a panic about one of the kids.

I tend to wait to phone DH in these situations, because, to be honest, he's useless. Completely freaks out and does totally random things. He's much better if I contact him and say "here's what's happening, and this is what you need to do". If I call him and say "what do you think?", he's worse than useless, because he usually gets me all worked up!

I'd have no issue with him getting a lift with anyone, either.

The OP posted asking if she was AIBU and inviting people to debate that. Not sure why disagreeing with or questioning her actions makes people arseholes. hmm

Why hello straw man! It obviously doesn’t 🤣

But there is a difference between offering an alternate opinion and piling on to kick a mother with an ill child in hospital. And you very well know that.

Why did your mother even come then? In all the medical situations I've ever had with my kids I don't think she's ever come, unless it's to take the other child home.

Why shouldn't her mum come? I'd want my mum to be there in that situation.

@BookwormMe2

Yes OP asked for advice, if people give advice or make comments that are purely unkind and not tactful or helpful (e.g. saying OMG your life is like Eastenders) that makes them arseholes.

you did the best you could.it was panic stations and your reacted.out of malice I doubt it.out of fear and just working through the motions yes more likely.
so wrong or right.in the right order or not this is now about you two and him being a twonk.where it needs to be about oh god thanks goodness we got him here and son is ok.and then looking after eacoother.
I would be eeekish if my dp was with an ex (but that me jealous and insecure as hell) but apart from that you are all doing your best.

ps knowing how shite 111 and getting in touch with gps are if my mum had a way in I would deff call her!who wouldn't.

YANBU
Posters seem to be making out like you called your mum etc for a chat when you rung her as she could put you in touch with a GP. My mum is a nurse and I have rung her several times before my DH when something is wrong with the children. I don’t need to ring him at work and start worrying him when I don’t know what’s going on yet.
In my experience 111 have been useless and I have always been put on hold for longer than the 5 minutes it took you to get advice.
Hope your DS is ok and your partner realises he’s been a dick and apologises when he’s calmed down 💐

piling on to kick a mother with an ill child in hospital

Yet many posters think kicking a father with an ill child in hospital is just fine!

I don't think it would even enter my DH's head who called who in what order. He'd be so worried about me and the child that his concerns would be that, not phonecalls and pettiness.

He trusts me to do what's right.

He sounds really nasty and horrible. What sort of a father would do that? He would be concerned about his son, and why would he stick his finger up at a woman he is supposed to love, the mother of his children? He sounds like a grub and if he didn't make a grovelling apology I would leave him, truly I would. Instead of worrying about his son all he is doing is caring about himself he didn't even give a stuff about his own son. What a revolting creature he sounds like. Get rid of.

not even someone I slept with, for clarification!

Sorry to besmirch you’re good character

😂🤣

I assumed that ‘history prior to DP’ was sexual, sorry.

You didn’t even have sex with this bloke and your DP feels threatened by him offering you a lift home to collect some stuff if you have to stay overnight in hospital. He needs to get a fucking grip.

If he’s like this on a day like today, it worries me that your idea of him being ‘usually good’ is not what many of us would consider acceptable.

I can imagine you were frantic. If my mum worked at a GP surgery I would have done exactly the same. You haven't done anything wrong. Your DP is being a complete dick. No one can say for sure what they would do in these situations. You just go on instinct. You must be in bits today, hope your DS makes a full recovery & you get some rest.

Your partner sounds abusive to be honest. He's made this all about him, as is his wont.

Make 2019 the year you get shot of him.

I don't think OP was U at all except for calling A&E for advice. At that stage she should have called 111. Calling her mum who did indeed get her quick advice from a GP was a good idea. With hindsight its easy to say she could have just called 999 but what if the advice had been no ambulance needed.
After getting medical advice she contacted her dp straight away which was fine.
I can understand her dp might be acting a little out of character due to being upset about his dc being sick, but he sounds very jealous.

Also what @headinhands says.

I second everything @MitziK said. Your DP putting up his middle finger whilst in hospital with your son and getting jealous when an old boyfriend offered to run you home to collect some things for your son makes him a complete twat. Tell him to grow up and learn to drive then he could have driven himself home to collect things for his son. Luckily he seems to be a partner not a husband so easier to leave. Remember the old Mumsnet chestnut: When someone shows you who they are believe them.

If my DH had phoned his mum before me, over an emergency involving DS, and then got taken home by his ex-GF, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be miffed as hell. He's been childish about it though.

I have always rang my mum for advice when concerned with the DCs health. She is a nurse. I valued her opinion. My sister always rings me now for advice since I have been through most of the usual illnesses by now. None of ours have been immediate emergencies though so we have never required an ambulance. We are lucky though that we all drive and live 10 mins from the hospital.

In your situation, I would probably have done the same thing. Unless the DC was unresponsive/not breathing properly, an ambulance wouldn't have been my immediate thought. I would have rang my mum for advice then probably driven the DC to A&E or the GP.

Your DH was very unreasonable, however he is just hurt. Have a talk and see if he has calmed down. I wouldn't be grovelling though, you didn't actually do anything wrong.

Your DP sounds like a prick you would be better off without. I expect you didn't ring him first because you knew he would immediately make it all about him - either call you a stupid twat for interrupting his Important Work over nothing, or go into full drama llama meltdown.
Does he generally do his share of looking after DS/ dealing with domestic chores? Is he generally kind and pleasant to be around? Or is your whole life a matter of trying to avoid any situations where this tiresome man decides he's getting insufficient attention and therefore is going to create a scene?

For all those saying they'd be upset if their partner had called their Mum before them - would you still feel the same if your MIL worked in a GP surgery and the call meant that your partner was able to get emergency advice from a medic?

You phoned various people for help. I should imagine you were frantic. It’s easy for people to point fingers and say you did it wrong, but I once had to call an ambulance for my daughter and they had to shout at me to slow down as I was incoherent, so sometimes absolute logic flies out of the window. In the event, it was advice obtained through your mother that sent you to A&E, so phoning her turned out to be a good decision.

If it was my child and my partner texted me with basic information, then phoned as soon as possible, then like any normal parent, ALL my concern would be for my child. I certainly wouldn’t stoke my hurt feelings and act like a child, making rude gestures in the presence of my child.

My marriage isn’t brilliant, but I’m 100% certain my husband wouldn’t react as your partner has. What’s he normally like?

Child’s dad should have been contacted after you called an ambulance. I don’t understand why you’d call your mum before an actual medical professional?
I can totally see why he was upset. I wouldn’t like my DP heading off with his ex while my child was rushed to hospital either, may be irrational but people are irritable when they’re upset

My daughter was injured when I was 2 hours away at work when she was with my husband. He called my parents to arrange to drop the older one off before calling me saying they were going to A&E. I think he did the right thing, he got it sorted as much as he could before calling me. Met them in A&E.

I'd be really pissed off OP, you wanted advice. I've also sought opinions and medical advice from friends and family about my children's health too. Glad your son is ok.