DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

Child’s dad should have been contacted after you called an ambulance.
He was.

I don’t understand why you’d call your mum before an actual medical professional
She called her mum who she knew could get immediate advice from an actual medical professional and she was right about that.

I’m sorry but please READ before you pile.

When you're worried and panicking, rational thought and behaviour goes out of the window. Yes you went round the houses with the phone calls but we're all human OP.

He's behaving like a spoilt brat, frankly. Has he said "thank you for getting our son the help he needed"?

I'm glad your little one is on the mend

@CatnissEverdene no thank you, never even asked if I was okay when I asked him multiple times.

when you describe a situation OP people on here will always tear it to shreds and put their own spin on it. It sounds like something happened very out of the blue, you weren’t sure if 999 was required and rather than wait for 111 and a call back you got though to a GP via your mum much quicker. It would of been a GP who called you back after 111 anyway and you just cut that wait out. Seems a sensible and rational thing to do. You weren’t ringing your mum for a cosy chat like some people on here are making out.

He’s been an arse no two ways about it. As previous commenters have said some people are not great when under pressure, put the boot on the other foot... if my husband was at hospital with our child and got a lift back home with someone he’d shagged (assuming you did here) I would not be very happy at all. I would find it extremely disrespectful. Regardless of who does or does not drive I’d expect him to get a taxi and I’d afford him the same respect.
That said, he shouldn’t have been sticking his middle finger up at you!

While I think his behaviour was unreasonable, I think you are misremembering the timescale. You got though to your mum who managed to speak to a GP, get all the information and s/he advised an ambulance within 5 minutes. You also mangaed to actually call 999 and A&E reception in this 5 minute time scale.

@Blue09 as previously stated, never slept with.

@Schuyler I wrote the timeline of this a few posts up.

I saw your timeline, it still think it’s quite unlikely you’d given all the clinical information within 5 minutes.

Sorry i seen to have missed that, you still had history with him with I would find that disrespectful and I’d be extremely annoyed if it was my partner. Maybe your husband is a bit jealous of this person and the relationship you had? You said he was okay once you made alternative arrangements?

@Schuyler well, all the GP and A&E people said was they couldn't advise. Very quick phone calls. DM had me on speaker while I quickly named the symptoms going on with DS who quickly advised ambulance. Not sure how that'd take more than 5 minutes when it was a rush to get medical advice?

Fair enough, it’s jsut in my experience of phoning A&E and GP surgeries, they don’t usually answer straight away especially A&E and 999 will take a few clinical details once you’ve connected.

@Schuyler yep, I rang 999 after those 5 minutes, after the verdict had come to ring an ambulance...

Sometimes threads on here take an odd turn. It's like a couple of posters set the tone agreeing with each other early on and then the discussion in the thread goes off in a way I'm not sure it would have otherwise - e.g. the timescale of your phone calls as if that's the most important thing

YANBU OP. If you were my partner I'd just be so relieved you dealt with it and everything was ok. I couldn't give a shit what order you did things in. I don't think it would even occur to me to think about that part.

If I'd been you I would have been frantic. I'm actually likely to have made a panicky call to my DP, only to have him say, "what are you doing? Call a frickin' ambulance!". I can see me doing that. I can also imagine if my mum worked at a GP surgery I would have called her first. No one can say in certainty what they would do because you are scared and go on instinct, which is why I find this thread strange - picking to pieces the order in which you did things.

Even if DP had a genuine grievance, which I don't think he does he's behaving bizarrely. Is there a history of him resenting your mum or something? Flipping you the finger - that's just embarrassing and childish. Ugh! I can't be doing with this sort of self-preoccupation when the focus should be 100% on your child, and also on the person who had to deal with the situation, which is you. You must be exhausted. I hope your DS is better soon and that you get some rest.

My point was, you made irrelevant calls when your first should have been to seek medical attention via NHS 111 or 999 and then contacted your partner. Anyway, it’s semantics. As I said, his behaviour was outrageous and I hope your son is feeling better. Is he home?

A point about getting the lift home with her ex. OP says they are now friends and dp knows this and has always been fine with it. If this is the case how was she to know he would not like her to accept a lift from him?

@Schuyler he is.

I don't think you did anything wrong OP. Hindsight is 50 50 as we all know and in the moment you did what you did. The outcome is good for the DC and thatis the most important thing.

Whatever the rights and wrongs, if my DH had given me the finger under circumstances like this it would be the end. Not immediately obviously. I would let the dust settle for the DC to get well and get my ducks in a row but I would be so gone from this marriage. His behaviour was heinous in my view. You were dealing with something that was terrible for you and he does that! No sorry. I would be done.

Resistance OP said she rang her mum first, then a GP, (so her mum was not the medical expert). What emergency advice would her DM be able to give down the phone except speak to the GP? And then, for an emergency especially involving a child, GP is not likely to diagnose over the phone. Basically I would have made the judgement of GP (if open) or A&E, my mum would not be able to choose that for me over the phone no matter how long she'd worked in a GP surgery. So it's a bit of a waste of time. For those of us who don't have a DM working in a GP's surgery, we'd have to learn to decide A&E or GP (if open) for ourselves and probably best to.

Not saying the OP was wrong to do what she thought best but responding directly to your question.

@HaveYouNamechangedForThis rang my mum first, she missed the call, I rang GP and A&E and then she returned my call, and she was the one who helped me get the verdict to ring an ambulance, so no, I don't feel like I was in the wrong ringing her at all.

That's good then namey. Glad all is well with your DS, it all must have been a real shock. Who knows what we'd do in the exact same circumstances. (go to pieces?!)

More or less exactly what @Passing4Human wrote.

He's made this all about him and that's risible.
I hope your son is ok now 💐

@HaveYouNamechangedForThis yeah, you never think it will happen until it happens to you! It was definitely a shock to the system and a panic today.

Saying this this from the perspective of my dd having to seizure in the last 6 month. The last one at the weekend ending up in intensive care. YABU my dh would be furious if I hadn’t rang him next after 999 is his child too and it’s not as if you are popping to the doctors for an ingroeig tonail. 999 I an emergency and the child’s father should 100% be the next person to know what’s going on. I would imagine he was just being a bit of a dick after because he wasn’t contacted before which put him in a bad mood plus stressful child being in hospital - stress effects people different or that’s how I would have taken it.

Some people on here! You needed medical info and your mum was the fastest one who helped! I'd have done the same thing.
My DP would be useless in this situation and would be the last person Id call when the plan was set otherwise it would just waste more time!
OP I hope your little one feels better soon, your DP is an arse but I hope once he's calmed down he'll see you did your best at the time.