DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

@AtSea1979 still in the process of learning.

@GreenTulips a drama queen? Do you have children?  if it was ruled that an ambulance was necessary, how am I being called a drama queen for ringing for advice first?

@Rachelle3211 nope.

@Greggers2017 DM had to return to work and she doesn't drive either.

Why did your mother even come then? In all the medical situations I've ever had with my kids I don't think she's ever come, unless it's to take the other child home.

@Greggers2017 she's very close to us so she rushed up because she was worried.

I'm thinking from a slightly different situation.

If I'm at work and a kid isn't feeling well, I'm talking to them and they seem a bit off, then I realise they are actually icy cold with mottled blue legs or burning hot with a red rash that doesn't blanch under pressure from a glass - who would you want me to call first? The designated First Aider and then, when they agree this looks like an emergency, the ambulance - then you - or should I go to the office, load up a computer, load up the school data, find the contact details, phone home, phone mobile 1 and leave a message, phone mobile 2 and leave a message and wait for them to call back first?

Most parents in such situations are glad that a decision has been made, worried for their child and not in the least bit concerned that other people were contacted first.

In the OP's case, there wasn't a massive call waiting system saying 'your call is important to us' to eventually get through to somebody working from a computer script, who would then put it into a queue to be called back by a doctor at some point in the future - she was within a few feet of a professional who gave professional advice.

The DP is a dick. He's stropping about a kid getting appropriate advice before he was told about it. And then adding in some extra arseholery for good measure. Nothing about 'how is he? Are you OK?' Just 'I'm more important and this is all about me and my male ego'.

I think people are being a bit harsh to your dp here. I'd be pretty upset to find my partner had called their mum before me when it's about our dc being in need of urgent medical attention and then left with their ex who they're still friendly with!

It may not be rational but bear in mind this is probably him expressing his anxiety about your dc. Unless he's normally a dick I'd let it slide (and apologise for not calling him before your mum)

🌷 you didn’t do anything wrong at all. You did what you thought was best to see if you needed to call an ambulance, you didn’t ring them for a chat. As YOU expected, your Mum WAS able to get you the MEDICAL advice you needed. Unless your DP is a Dr 🙄 then WTAF would you call him when you need MEDICAL advice and FAST?

Diddums sulking because you didn’t call him first is fucking pathetic.

You sent a text ASAP & kept your line free for the ambulance and you called him when your were in the ambulance...totally reasonable.

A friend, who you once fucked, offers you help and your DP has a tantrum. Twat. He can’t drive, you can’t drive, your friend is there, ca drive and offers to help...it’s a nice a no brainer. Instead, your pathetic DP makes you find a female friend to help...Jesus wept.

Then he gives you the finger.

You REALLY need to think hard about this relationship, because if my child’s father had acted like that, he’d be gone. YOU had an extremely scary time with DS, DS was ill and your twatty DP is all about the ‘poor me’. FFS. You and DS deserve FAR, FAR better.

He put his middle finger up at you??!!! Fucking wanker.

Did you really not think to call your DP when your DC's temp began to rise? Assuming it wasn't a sudden spike, there was surely time to call your DP and discuss whether to call 999? It sounds like your son was getting gradually sicker and yet your DP, your child's dad, wasn't part of your thought process at all. I find that a bit odd, TBH.

Is your child registered at your mums GP?

You'll never get a straight answer from MN on calling an ambulance. You're damned if you do - wasting resources, being dramatic etc. And you're damned if you don't - wasting precious minutes, failing to prioritise your child's health.

How often are we told to use other facilities first instead of heading straight for A&E? OP was pretty sensible IMO - she didn't know if it was the right thing to call an ambulance so she tried other advice first. The fact that one of them was her Mum is a red herring - her Mum just happens to work in a GP surgery and she knew she could get advice that way. As to whether it's the right way to go about things - would everyone here seriously sit and carefully observe protocols whilst panicking about your sick child and torn as to what to do for the best?

OP, you are going to get a contingent of people who are experts after the fact and will pick over every action and critique what you did. But only you were in the situation and you did what you thought was best at the time. I hope your DS makes a full recovery.

It sounds like an episode of Eastenders.
The wife in a panic. The ambulance. Th3 hospital. The mother arrives. The disgruntled husband appears. The finger. The ex boyfriend just happens to turn up ''I'll give u a lift anywhere darlin''

sorry.

A grown man putting up his middle finger in temper ? That'd be it for me - regardless of what led to it... hope your DS is better soon..

@Iloveautumnleaves not even someone I slept with, for clarification!

@BookwormMe2 it was completely sudden.

Gosh people are just being arseholes to the OP here for kicks aren’t they?

OP, how is DC now?

Honestly, your DP didn’t behave with the greatest maturity, but then in a different way as has been pointed out to you here perhaps you didn’t either. Once you are both calm and not in a heightened place of stress perhaps chat about it and it’ll all work out.

@AppleKatie he's doing okay now, thank you!

Really surprised by some of the replies here!

Yes on reflection ringing DM and especially A&E probably weren't that helpful but it's the kind of panicky thing you're doing when you have no idea if you're making things up or if your loved one is dying!

Even if he did have justification to feel a bit miffed about how the situation played out why can't he just get over himself and be glad DC is okay?

The middle finger thing feels SO childish and pathetic.

AppleKatie The OP posted asking if she was AIBU and inviting people to debate that. Not sure why disagreeing with or questioning her actions makes people arseholes.

@Thisnamechanger it was so pathetic. To be honest, his jealousy is one negative to the relationship, I was more shocked and disgusted that he took the time where we were all stressed and DS was in hospital to start an argument and be so aggressive with his attitude towards me!

When my dd was rushed into hospital I was bloody glad first ds, then dh got everything she needed sorted first, before they thought about me. They would not have thanked me for making it all about me.

It's not as if the OP remembered her dh half a day later- she rang him while they were in the ambulance! And anyone who has spent time organising an ambulance knows how much you have to cram into those few minutes before it arrives- not least looking after the patient.

My husband and I get very snipey with each other when our kids are sick. We usually get along great, and we're both nice people, but it's the worry and fear that makes us behave uncharactaristically. I'd hate to have my entire being judged by how I behave under those circumstances.

OP, you said it was the scariest day of your life, do you not think it was the scariest day of his life, too?

If he's generally a nice guy, I'd talk to him about it, but I'd ultimately forgive him.

You got your DC sorted, that's the main thing. I would have rang DP straight away. Do you not have a mobile... Don't they all tell you when another call is coming in?
Doesn't your mother or DP drive, or did I miss why you needed a lift and they didn't.

"Call the police and get him arrested THEN divorce him"

I really hope that's a joke.

Also to those who end relationships over one middle finger, do you not try and work through a fight or what?

Two things would annoy me. 1. Calling your mam. What access to info could she get that you couldn't get online? Was she going to ask a doctor at the surgery for advice? If so, what if they were with a patient? Would she just barge in?

1. Getting a spin from your ex. Your mam and DP are now at the scene and you got there in some capacity. Why did you need a lift from him?

@Lichtie my phone doesn't let you know when another call is coming in. Neither DP or DM drive.

Cardinal sin here of not reading the full thread here, but I think the bottom line is: has your dp shown you in the past that he is someone you'd want alongside you in the trenches? As a first port of call?

I've been with my dh for nearly 25 years and love him dearly. He has many good points, but if I'm brutally honest, he's not the best in a crisis. I always have to step up and deal with things. Everyone always looks to me. If I crumble, I want someone more efficient and dh, I'm afraid, is not always that person.

Does that sound familiar?