DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

Also 111 are totally useless. It's fine to ask a family member for a second opinion on whether to call an ambulance in cases where it's not time critical or obvious.

Whilst his behaviour and reaction was really childish and awful, I think it says a lot about your opinion of your DH that he was last on your list of people to contact. If I were him I would be really upset too. He's feeling pushed out, left out, and clearly of no use or value to you in an emergency.

He put his middle finger up at you.

That would be a relationship ender for me.

Perhaps you should have phoned 111 first, but you won't be the first (or last) worried parent to get the order wrong

Maybe it's a generational thing?
I'd rather DP dealt with the situation however he could if I wasn't there and let me know however I could help (ie meeting at hospital), but both of us text in emergencies as it's quicker, better to react to (can read and immediately jump into car), and leaves phone available to call if, as you say, ambulance needed directions (GPS sometimes sends people round the corner of our road).

I have no issue with exes helping in a medical emergency. He happened to be there and offered a lift, it's not like you're going to be going for a quickie while your son is in hospital?? And if he thinks you would, clearly there are other issues at play!

You made 4 calls before you called your husband. One of those was to a receptionist at A&E, just an admin. person.
You reckon you made all those calls and called your husband within 5 minutes. Wow, that was quick, especially as your mother sought advice during the call.
And you wonder why your husband was annoyed. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

I can understand why your DP was pissed off - you seemed to have rang everyone but him. Your mother isn't a medical professional, and even if she was she wasn't there with you so couldn't give you a diagnosis. Plus text messages aren't guaranteed to go through.

That said he needs to grow up. Shunning someone who wants to help you both and trying to start a disagreement with his subsequent behaviour is not on. You both need to sort out how you communicate with each other now as if your family goes through a long term stressful situation you will split up.

"He put his middle finger up at you.

That would be a relationship ender for me"

I've had a change of heart. Didn't know he'd put his middle finger up to her.

Call the police and get him arrested THEN divorce him.

@Geminijes rang GP for advice, was told they can't offer it.
Rang A&E for advice, was told they can't offer it.
Took about 1 minute.
My mum returned the call that she'd miss at first, had me on speaker with the GP who was on lunch, I had an answer within 2 minutes.
Rang an ambulance.

Never experienced anything like this before. I was completely 50/50 and clueless, didn't know if I was being ridiculous ringing 999 with the symptoms he had, didn't even know if you were allowed to ring 999 for advice, so started calling anyone who could offer me quick medical advice to try and find out what to do.

But your husband/partner is the one who would normally be front of mind for anything - especially when you need emotional and practical support. The fact that he wasn't indicates that you have little respect or regard for him. I think you're in the wrong argument here OP - this is more to do with the state of your relationship, which doesn't seem good.

I can understand that you panicked but I still don't know why you rang all of those people before your DP?

Why did you accept a lift from an ex too?

I know his behaviour is childish but we've had a couple of similar instances.

First one DH called 999 then me and I met him at the hospital.

The second time school phoned home and got DH. He phoned me straightaway, collected DD and I met him at the hospital.

I think it would have made a stressful situation truly awful if he'd called a whole list of other people before me and then had his ex running around after him.

Really?

I'd feel so much worse if my DP rang me when I was far away in a situation I couldn't do anything about. I'd sit there feeling scared and helpless until he told me what was going on (ie go to hospital).

I'd much rather he dealt with it first, then told me.

If your partner isn't a medical person, or working with a medical person, why on earth would you ring them for medical advice

I'd always sort my child out first then let my partner know asap.

@JiltedJohnsJulie because DP wouldn't even slightly be in a position to offer me any sort of medical advice and I didn't want to waste any time incase it was necessary for an ambulance (which I completely wasn't sure). I contacted him immediately after the verdict, so he was there 5-10 minutes before we even arrived!

As dp is da father, he should have been the first person you called after doctors etc. As far as I can see the middle finger, means f u, he felt left out of something massively important in his child's life, yes it's childish and probably not the best choice of communicating, your ex being at the hospital is probably making himfeel helpless, as he wasn't there, but ex was.

Thank you Kismet for being the voice of reason! I am astonished at the number of posters that care more about being the first informed that that their child was being taken care of in a medical emergency.

If my DH handled the situation like the OP did I would be thrilled. The child was given the proper care he needed that is all that mattered, the position in the call list is completely irrelevant. All this 'me me me' crap is horrible, this is about the child FFS. What is wrong with people, is it some kind of status game?!

@OopsIdidittentimes DP arrived before us, we were there for 3 hours unsure of whether we had to stay, and then I bumped into my friend who offered a lift.

My dd fell and bumped her head. Called my sister as a nurse (No help) went to pharmacy 2 mins away. Phoned nhs 24.
I knew dh couldn't advise me so sought other advise.

As soon as all in hand I called dh as I needed support and to let him know.

Checking with people OP feels can help does not mean her relationship is not well. They way the dh behaved was terrible and immature.

Why are people saying she called all those people instead of do. The only non medical person she called was her mum. OP panicked and may have called the wrong medical people but she won't be the first to do so and it has nothing to do with her relationship to DH. Anyone who worries about being pushed out because their partner was speaking to the hospital instead of them is a loon.

Putting his finger up at you is outrageous, beyond the age of 15 would be a massive red flag for me, who the hell behaves like that?

While your DH sounds immature and behaved terribly, I do also think that just to message him and not to have called him was wrong on your part. That's not a text message sort of situation with the father of the child. Doesn't excuse him giving you the middle finger but you should have phoned him not messaged him. Sorry.

Hope you DS makes a full recovery and is feeling much better already.

I can see why he’s pissed off but I can equally see why his reaction would piss you off too.
Hope your DS is better soon.
Is there a reason you don’t drive?

No idea how old your child is but you really need to acquaint yourself with the medical system

111 for advice
999 to emergency
Walk in centre for out of hours and minor ailments that need treated quickly
Doctors by appointment
Doctors or any type of receptionist aren’t any good

DH would be a good bet as he knows your child’s usual behaviours and could be in a position to offer advice and help

You sound like a drama queen

"Putting his finger up at you is outrageous, beyond the age of 15 would be a massive red flag for me, who the hell behaves like that?"

You'd be surprised. I know couples that shout and swear at each other in front of their kids and use that sort of communication as standard on a regular basis.
Sometimes others social norms differ from our own.

So your dh was there when you ran into your ex?

Why would anyone call a&e? I'm still completely baffled by this. I can't think of anyone who has ever done this! 🙄

For future reference of your child has a temp
Give them paracetamol or ibuprofen then if it didn't go down call 111, they'll tell you if an ambulance is needed or book with an emergency GP. When you've rung them inform the child's dad.

I'd still ring my kids dad and let him Know
And we aren't even together.

Your mum was at the hospital too why didn't she take you or your partner for things whilst the other parent waited with your son?

Anyone who puts their own ego above their child getting medical help is an insecure jerk. You can quibble over who you should call for medical advice but none of that is any reference to how your relationship is going.

OP swiftly got the necessary medical help for her child. Her DH was informed as soon as she had a moment DH was the first person who she informed other than trying to get medical attention.

Sounds like DH was more worried about himself and his ego than his son. What a dick.