DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

The first thing I would have done was 999 then child's dad.

So would I. No question.

Except if I had a 'D'H like the OP's.

Then I'd definitely be shunting him down the list below my Mum.

Does he genuinely wonder why you didn't think to call him first?

I would be really upset if Dh didn't call me let alone call me before his mother. As for his behaviour after it's not great, but likely he's just as stressed and scared as you are. I would think for him what stands out is that you didn't seem to see him as a priority and going off with an ex in the middle of it all would likely not have gone over well with me either.

Your child was ill and you panicked, but your partner has to make it all about him.

You know that saying about when someone tells you who they really are, you should listen...

Just for context, I rang DM as I knew she'd be able to get help, and as it turned out, GP and A&E couldn't give any advice, and DM managed to get me on the phone to one of the GPS who advised an ambulance. I wasn't sure if we needed an ambulance at all.

@PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin yes, DP is DS's Father.

@Sirzy not technically an ex. Only DP and I up here at this point, neither of us drive and not on bus route. No other family we can contact.

Going against the grain here, but if my DH was with one of our DC in a medical emergency and he called his DM before me (despite her being a GP receptionist ), I would be very upset.

No decent human being behaves like that because they're "just worried". What offensive twaddle.

What's he like normally?

It's quicker to call than message.

How would you feel if your DP didn't even call you when your son was being rushed to hospital? Only a text?

Well, if my DP has been worried about whether to call an ambulance, within 5 minutes had called a couple of people for advice then called an ambulance and then let me know, I wouldn't have been throwing a tantrum about not being called first

Any parent's priority in that situation would be their child, not their partner's ego.

@AnoukSpirit good, but his true jealous colours do rarely come out and they're horrible when they do.

@Smoggle exactly. I feel like he's acting like I called multiple friends to let them know before him, I desperately called for medical advice and when I'd got an answer (within 5 minutes), I messaged him right away explaining to come to the hospital and that I wasn't going to ring incase ambulance needed instructions of getting to us (in an apartment block).

Yup YABU,

My MIL is a nurse a and i called 999 or 111 before calling her.

I'd also be livid to receive a text from DH if DS was ill enough for an ambulance.

What did you call a and e reception for, to book a table?

Would you be perfectly fine if he'd been the one at home and he'd phone 999 then his dad to ask for advice before sending you a short text?
Then when you got to the hospital he told you he's bumped into his ex and she had offered her services as a taxi to tidy up a few things?
Strange people

So would you really be happy to be told by text message your child was being taken in an ambulance because I sure as hell wouldn’t be!

Asking your mum to phone him would have made more sense than giving him to panic of receiving a text like that.

He's a twat.
It doesn't matter who you called first regarding getting the appropriate care for your DC. Your DP is being petty and acting like a child.

You should ring 111 or 999 then the child's father.

And I don’t believe that sequence of unnecessary calls only took 5 minutes either!

If you know someone who is a GP (or someone who can quickly ask a GP) it's a totally appropriate person to ring for medical advice. 111 just follow a script and you have to wait for a while to finally be put through to a GP.

Your DP was being a total dick. It's not about him. No sane person would think that you were using the fact your DS had been rushed to hospital as an excuse to flirt with an ex.

Unless your mum is a dr or a nurse you’re being unreasonable.

Honestly if any of my DC were being taken to hospital by ambulance how exactly I was informed (as long as I was informed) would be the least of my concerns. Anyone who is going to quibble about those details is a narcissist. You were accompanying your DC in an ambulance you wanted your phone free to receive calls directing the paramedics so informed DH by text.

For more context, I spoke to him when we were in the ambulance on the phone, I just didn't want to call incase the paramedics phoned for instructions! I explained to him that DS had a temp and I was concerned, but in that moment, I was so completely panicked and scared and wanted some compassion too rather than be told I'd done things the wrong way and it'd annoyed him!

In future you need to call 999 if you think your child might need an ambulance. If they don’t think the child does, they will tell you, but you lost precious minutes there. It’s also not really fair on the GPs where your mum works to use them like that (or on the other patients waiting to see them).

I can also sympathise with your DP. He hasn’t behaved very well, but I can totally see why he is annoyed.

Would you be perfectly fine if he'd been the one at home and he'd phone 999 then his dad to ask for advice before sending you a short text?
Then when you got to the hospital he told you he's bumped into his ex and she had offered her services as a taxi to tidy up a few things?

Don't know about OP but yes any normal person would be far more worried about their child than whether they were the first person to be called. I also couldn't care less whether the friend who gave my DP a lift happened to be an ex or not. Anyone who would have the time to worry about that when their child is in hospital is a seriously self absorbed individual.

I think you both just need to accept that you both feel hurt - understandably - by the way things have planned out but your both stressed and worried so you need to put it behind you and focus on your son.

I’m sure you don’t mean it to but some of your posts seem to suggest you have the monopoly on being worried about Him

Going against the grain here. I would be livid if DH rang people (other than ambulance) before me about my own child.

Yanbu regarding the jealous reaction though.