DP's behaviour while DS is in hospital

[nameychanging]

DS rushed to hospital today (he's completely okay now), but at the time I was on my own with him, terrified.
I rang my mum first (as she works in a GP surgery and would've sought advice immediately).
Our GP second.
A&E reception third. All in quick succession and was on the phone to 999 within 5 minutes. Before the ambulance even arrived, I messaged DP to tell him to meet us there.
When we got here (including my mum), she mentioned about how I'd rang her, and he got in a huff about how it upset him that I hadn't rang him. Everyone I rang was for medical advice on whether to call 999, not just to let them know!

We were then told that DS might stay in overnight.
A male friend of mine was up at the hospital too. I have history with him (before DP) but was very brief and had a friendship afterwards. DP is aware of it and has been fine with it. He kindly offered to give me a lift to mine and then back to collect stuff for the night. I told DP and he got in the biggest mood, told me I had other options and was just choosing to go with him, and then proceeded to make the atmosphere in the room so uncomfortable. Told me to stop looking at him, kept giving me dirty looks, even put his middle finger up at me when DS had turned round! His mood only let up when I contacted another friend and asked her if she could sort out a lift for me.

I'm disgusted. I really am. On the scariest day for me in so long.

I’m sorry that you’ve had such a horrible day and I am glad to hear that your child is doing okay. Children have a habit of catching us off guard and it is easy to think what we would do when things are calm and rational. It is awful when you are alone and caught up in a scary situation.
I’ve experienced emergency scenarios with my children. My husband was not in my thoughts when I was giving emergency aid. All I could focus on was how I could help my child. My husband came second to this. He understands and his thoughts were occupied with the child’s wellbeing, not when and how he was informed.

Are things usually otherwise okay in your relationship? Sorry if I’ve missed anything.

For you

HeyThough I find it odd when people speak as if the mum is the only parent that matters.

Me me me me..when you didn't create your child alone

Im wondering if it was OP, H & Ex all sitting around hospital bed together.

I'm not saying OP is completely wrong.

I just don't buy all the damnation of her H as if he's some random bloke and not their child's dad. I don't see why his worry doesn't matter and think it's so rude to send a text in a situation like this. H turning up finding her sat there with ex doesn't help.

If the situation were reversed and he was with child when taken ill, he'd be called all sorts for not phoning his wife immediately.

Albeit he's being called all sorts anyway..

OP I think you'd be really unwise to dig in your heels on this bolstered by inflammatory talk and the derogatory names your H is being called.

It's not going to help anything.

Have the row...let it go...

H turning up finding her sat there with ex doesn't help

...if you had read even just the OP’s posts, you’d know that’s not what happened.

Her P arrived first, she arrived in the ambulance with DS, she bumped into her friend who was visiting someone else in the hours she was waiting to see whether DS has to stay in or not. As she & her P don’t drive, her friend offered to run her home to pick up whatever she needed for an overnight stay.

Anyone that sees a problem there needs help

Mistress the dp was at the hospital before op. She didn't see the ex till a lot later.
She did ring him once she was in the ambulance. She text first so the line wasn't blocked.

The other thing is messaging and not calling. I’d have been upset about that. I often don’t see messages, it doesn’t scream urgent.

She did ring him. She messaged first while waiting for an ambulance. Then rang him when they were in it. Sensible.

Okay missed that. Still I’d have rung right away.

That’s not to berate OP btw. Just saying there’s some understanding of her DHs reaction.

The important thing is the child is fine. Hope they’ve kissed and made up.

Got home, tried to explain to DP why I was upset and he's spent the past 15 minutes having a go at me.

This is awful. Do you mind me asking what you're relationship is normally like?

I would be happy for my husband to call for medical help rather than waste time calling me if one of our children was very sick. I’d be thankful that he acted promptly.

As for pulling a finger at you..... I wouldn’t tolerate it. Is he 10? He needs to learn to use his words and tell you calmly that he feels uncomfortable

Regardless of the rights and wrongs OP you need to perhaps learn to deal with your lack of confidence.

You shouldn’t need to faff around deciding who to ring. You know your child, you know what’s normal for them. Don’t dilly dally.

Oswin I often don't notice texts immediately and think if your child is taken ill that warrants a call. It can be a very quick call.

autumnleaves I didn't get it like that, it's a long thread/post. As for your "You need help" silly comment aka Daily Mail style slur .

You keyboard warriors always have to add a rude remark that you wouldn't utter in reality

Wouldnlet some of it go as he just behaved badly - as he’s not father of child he may have been upset not to have been seen by you as most important person after 999. All silly and self centred but kind of see it as under stress sometimes people don’t behave well.
BUT all understanding/benefit if the doubt gone at him sticking his finger up at you and anyway not snapping out of it much much quicker. Inexplicable. I would be furious. I would try to see it as a one off but it would be hard to forget.
Sorry you had a tough day and glad ds is ok.

Your Mum working in a surgery (I assume with no medical training) couldn't help.
Er... Except she was the one who did help

OP, often people who feel helpless, panicked and out of control alight on blame as a way to feel less out of control.

My guess is He has taken it out on you in this way.

Not reasonable or fair.

You were in ‘action’ mode, doing things. So awful though the situation was, you had that outlet and focus for your fear and upset.

Later when all is calm talk to him about how it made you feel to have him blame you. Ask him how he felt about Ds. And how he felt throughout. Helpless in the face of his child’s crisis he may have felt even more helpless and useless to see you getting help from others.

I am not defending his behaviour, but offering a perspective on how he may have come to react that way.

My guess is He has taken it out on you in this way.

He didn't just get a bit stroppy. He made it all about him, stuck his finger up at her. That shows a level of immaturity you can't work with.

Please op. This isn't what relationships should be. You deserve a good partner.

but offering a perspective on how he may have come to react that way

You've stuck your finger up at your dp in a&e have you? Or caused a hoohaa because they're ex was there?

No. I haven’t nor would O accept such behaviour.

But I would consider talking about it and making my feelings clear before packing my bags IF I thought it was worth a shot.

The fact that you didn't ring him first (or second, or third) shows how much use he would have been - he proved that point later by being a knob

I wouldn’t have been too happy to see an overly helpful ex of my DP when I was trying to take care of my family either

Except that what did he actually do that was helpful? He was there. Hopefully he was comforting his kid, but he wasn't comforting his partner - in fact he was deliberately being outright nasty. He didn't arrange to go home and get the stuff that was needed. She did - twice. I'm not at all sure that he was doing anything to try to look after his family at all. The ex is a friend who OP snogged ages ago, hardly the ex love of her life.

I find it odd when people speak as if the mum is the only parent that matters.

You don't have to, to find the dh's attitude off. I am very much dd's mother but when she was rushed into hospital in an ambulance I was very glad that dh focused all his attention on her, deciding the right course of action, making her as comfortable as possible, sorting out what he would need to take, and then contacted me when there was time. Because yes, I matter as a mother- but I don't matter as much as making sure that my child is safe.

The OP did just that- focused on deciding whether she should call an ambulance, and then the moment she had time over from that called her dh.

IF I thought it was worth a shot*

I'd agree if he had just been a bit off but sticking your finger up at your dp in such a stressful situation isn't being a bit off. It's indicative of a man child. I bet this isn't isolated. I'd put money on this being one of many situations where he has been unable to be an adult.