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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to change the locks as I have found out the cleaner is stealing from us

264 replies

cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:18

It starts a while back.

My daughter had "misplaced" both birthday money and Christmas money. Her room is a bit of a mess, and she's not terribly organised, so we just presumed she had lost it. Confused

However, to have lost so much money repeatedly just didn't quite ring true. It was almost a case of "you couldn't lose money that often even if you tried"

She was devastated and had no idea how it had gone missing. She swore she had known where it was, and that someone must have thrown it away. It's testament to what a lovely girl she is that she just accepted it and moved on. Sad She had saved it all up to spend on a birthday shopping trip.

There were four or five separate occasions and tranches of money. Even for the dippiest person in the world it seemed too unlikely. But I absolutely trusted our cleaner, I totally dismissed any thoughts that she might be involved.

Anyway, in the back of my mind I wondered if the cleaner had thrown it away, by accident, but I didn't want to say anything because obviously it would look like an accusation.

This morning, I had in my room an envelope with cash in, I thought I would just leave it out in my room to see if it was still there tonight. (£35Sad)

It's gone. The only people who have been in there are me, dh and the cleaner. He had also noticed the £35 this morning, and the same thought had crossed his mind.

He's now checked his wallet and £10 is missing from it.

We are really shocked. The cleaner had been really honest. Once her son took a cheap glass gem and she brought it back, with an apology.

We absolutely trusted her, but there are now too many occurrences to make sense.

What the hell do I do now? The cleaner has got our house keys. Do we need to change the locks before we alert her to the fact that we now know?

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 30/01/2019 21:21

Take the keys from her at the door. Why the palaver of changing locks?

Are you going to the police ? is she with an agency?

JamPasty · 30/01/2019 21:21

Change the locks and call the police and yes - before speaking to her

Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:22

Not an agency. We found her through care.com I think

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:22

Would you call the police?

OP posts:
worriedaf · 30/01/2019 21:23

I would go to the police too and/or alert agency. And yes, take her keys at the door and change alarm code.

C0untDucku1a · 30/01/2019 21:23

Can you call the police?

WineAndTiramisu · 30/01/2019 21:23

How much has disappeared in total?

To be honest I'd set up another trap with video then go to the police, it sounds like she's stolen quite a lot of money from you in total (and who knows if there's stuff you haven't realised she's taken).

It does seem odd though, as it's really obvious it's her, and all cash lying around has gone, she'd have to realise you'd figure it out?

WineAndTiramisu · 30/01/2019 21:24

Problem is you have no proof, so video is the way forwards

Happilyacceptingcookies · 30/01/2019 21:25

Yes, call the police but on that non emergency number. She has stolen from you and has the keys to your house - now is not the time to worry about hurting her feelings.

peachgreen · 30/01/2019 21:26

More often than not when we have this kind of thread it's not the cleaner, it's the children. Just putting it out there - obviously I don't know your child/ren OP so I'm not casting aspersions!

Hellbentwellwent · 30/01/2019 21:30

She may we’ll have been stealing small things for ages, couple of quid she found down the back of the sofa a few tunes, then maybe a loose fiver and since you didn’t didn’t notice it’s escalated to larger and larger amounts. She may be have justified it to herself thinking that since you never mentioned it it hasn’t been missed and ergo you’re obviously rolling in it since you can afford to not even notice a tenner out of a wallet or 35 quid in an envelope.
I’d be at the door when she’s next due, ask her for the keys back. Tell her you know she’s been stealing and you don’t want her back, she’s instantly dismissed. Don’t get sucked into listening to any sob stories, tell her you are changing the locks and do so.

Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:30

The kids are the ones who have had the most taken from them. I have absolutely checked with them. They are a bit too young and naive right now to have hidden vices. They don't drink, smoke, take drugs etc. Eldest is 15.

OP posts:
sparklesq · 30/01/2019 21:32

I agree with setting up a final trap with camera. Either on a spare phone or baby monitor or something but you don't want to accuse her without proof, just in case it isn't her or if she flat out denies it and you might always wonder. Plus I agree that if she's taken so much money you could well report it, even just to save the next family she works for going through the same thing

Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:32

Yes, I think that's the answer. Get the keys from her in person next week. It's so awkward, she's like one of the family.

Now we are comparing notes, it seems the girls money has been going missing for ages.

We just didn't suspect, we are just very laid back. Blush

OP posts:
DaffodilsAreHereAgain · 30/01/2019 21:35

This happened to me too. I confronted her when she next came. I made sure I had a friend with me though.

Fluffyears · 30/01/2019 21:35

I’d Still change the locks in case she has a copy of your keys. Set up a motion camera and catch her on it.

Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:37

Hellbentwellment, I would agree that will be exactly what has happened. She will be really skint, will have started small.

The fact that we didn't notice will have made her complacent, and to some extent feel justified.

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:38

We've worked out that it totals about £200-250 in total over the months. Mainly from the kids. Angry

OP posts:
givemesteel · 30/01/2019 21:38

I think setting up a film for catching her is rather faffy, and I dont think the police would take it as unequivocal evidence anyway (she's a cleaner she's going to move stuff).

Pretty surprised she was that blatant when money in an envelope is obviously for a purpose. The tenner out of a wallet / messy girl bedroom is easier.

I would probably change the locks as well as if shes underhand enough to regularly steal she's also underhand enough to have taken a copy of your key.

I would do that and text her and say that you have proof that she stole £35 +£10 +£child's money.

Send her your bank details and say you want that amount at least paid back or you will notify the police.

If you know any of her other clients I'd let them know too.

nokidshere · 30/01/2019 21:41

If you know any of her other clients I'd let them know too

You can't do that without evidence

GruciusMalfoy · 30/01/2019 21:47

I wouldn't even say, "I want X amount back or I call the police". You don't have proof she took it, and that could look like blackmail.

Cut ties with her, change the locks if necessary. Contact the site you found her through if and when you go to the police.

SuziQ10 · 30/01/2019 21:48

I would try and get some video evidence. Have her back just once more, set up a little trap.

You should report it, but only with evidence.

Without it, you can't be sure. It could have been someone else.

neveradullmoment99 · 30/01/2019 21:51

You need to be so sure of this before accusing her.
Children can lie.

neveradullmoment99 · 30/01/2019 21:52

I mean, how will you feel if you find out it was them and that the cleaner was honest?

tolerable · 30/01/2019 21:53

change the locks and sack her.if she was inclined she could have copy keys.