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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to change the locks as I have found out the cleaner is stealing from us

264 replies

cloudspotter · 30/01/2019 21:18

It starts a while back.

My daughter had "misplaced" both birthday money and Christmas money. Her room is a bit of a mess, and she's not terribly organised, so we just presumed she had lost it. Confused

However, to have lost so much money repeatedly just didn't quite ring true. It was almost a case of "you couldn't lose money that often even if you tried"

She was devastated and had no idea how it had gone missing. She swore she had known where it was, and that someone must have thrown it away. It's testament to what a lovely girl she is that she just accepted it and moved on. Sad She had saved it all up to spend on a birthday shopping trip.

There were four or five separate occasions and tranches of money. Even for the dippiest person in the world it seemed too unlikely. But I absolutely trusted our cleaner, I totally dismissed any thoughts that she might be involved.

Anyway, in the back of my mind I wondered if the cleaner had thrown it away, by accident, but I didn't want to say anything because obviously it would look like an accusation.

This morning, I had in my room an envelope with cash in, I thought I would just leave it out in my room to see if it was still there tonight. (£35Sad)

It's gone. The only people who have been in there are me, dh and the cleaner. He had also noticed the £35 this morning, and the same thought had crossed his mind.

He's now checked his wallet and £10 is missing from it.

We are really shocked. The cleaner had been really honest. Once her son took a cheap glass gem and she brought it back, with an apology.

We absolutely trusted her, but there are now too many occurrences to make sense.

What the hell do I do now? The cleaner has got our house keys. Do we need to change the locks before we alert her to the fact that we now know?

OP posts:
tirisfalpumpkin · 31/01/2019 10:27

That’s awful. Really shakes your trust in people.

I am a bit careless with cash around the house. Our cleaner neatly piles it up for me when she finds it. That’s what a honest person would do.

Drogosnextwife · 31/01/2019 11:24

He doesn't drink, he doesn't gamble, he doesn't have a secret life of crime and drugs.

If it was a secret you wouldn't know Wink

You are prob at right but I wpuld need to be 200% sure (have evidence) before accused someone of stealing.

You could ask her about the £35 in person, her reaction might tell you.

LuckyLou7 · 31/01/2019 11:35

My reaction would be 'I left 35 quid in an envelope, where have you put it?' because she might have moved it to a safe place.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/01/2019 11:47

The cleaner may not realise that she was the only person in the house, apart from the OP's dh, during the brief window of time when the OP knows the money was taken. She may be thinking that it has been there for a while, or that the OP won't notice straight away that the money is missing, during which time other people (the dc, visitors, whoever) will have been in and out of the house, so she wouldn't assume she would be the only suspect.

@cloudspotter - I am sorry this has happened to you and to your dc - it must be very upsetting.

Justaboy · 31/01/2019 12:50

Sparklfairy

Your a cleaner but your an Honest one!.

This one dosent seem to be .

Thats why cloudspotter you realy ought to call the police and see what they say and advise.

They might suggest things that haven't been discussed here. They will have a vast ammount more experencethat what you, I, or most anyone else on MN has in dealing with these cases.

princessib · 31/01/2019 13:27

Please just get the keys back and then let her go.
I had the same experience and it's awful. My son had been given one of those big coke bottle money banks, full of coins that his grandad had saved up for him. He kept it in his room and put any notes or coins he got in this jar. I remember going in there couple of times and getting a note out for something he wanted, or putting money in,and there not being as much in as I remembered.
We kept money in a covered dish in the kitchen and I used to pay the cleaner, gardener etc out of it. I kept dismissing the fact that a few notes were missing, thinking it was me not keeping track of the money. This went on and on, until I thought I'd count how much was in before she came. Sure enough there was £10 or £20 missing after she left. But still I thought it must be me.
So one week I asked her to take the £20 out herself as I was busy, she'd taken £40.

It wasn't so much the fact that she'd stolen from me, but that she'd taken money from my son. Who steals from a child? She had lots of clients, it wasn't that she was strapped for cash. I tried to be fair: tips at Christmas, overlooking the fact that she often left early, even gave her the benefit of the doubt when £10 went missing as I was actually having a miscarriage at home. She stole from my child and I can never rationalise it in my head. I felt ashamed that I trusted her and she'd just made me into a fool: horrid.

Original poster
cloudspotter · 31/01/2019 16:00

I understand those who are urging me to be 100% sure before saying anything. It's the right thing. But I really have exhausted every possibility.

I will ask her where she moved the £35 to when she was tidying up.

I am not on trial here, and I'm not going to keep justifying it to people who have only read a couple of posts.

I can't win. Everyone says you must absolutely "double check it's not the kids" so I asked them anyway, even though I knew they weren't around at all in the time it went missing. Confused

Then the next person says "why did you check with the kids when they weren't around?"

I'm not trying to frame the cleaner. I wish it wasn't her. I still have a large element if denial that the cheery lovely person we have known has a deceptive side and has potentially sifted out £250 of the dc birthday and Christmas money over the weeks and months.

I will arrange a face to face, then raise it gently and kindly. But firmly. It will be horrific I'm sure. I haven't caused this or brought it on myself, it's not fair to place all responsibility on me for her behaviour. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudspotter · 31/01/2019 16:01

@mrex that is terrifying.....

OP posts:
Roussette · 31/01/2019 16:16

When you know, you know cloudspotter

With the person who stole from me .... when it became irrefutable evidence, it was such a shock. I'd done the benefit of the doubt for far too long.
I tried to find a reason she wouldn't have done this for far too long. Then it just hit me... it is without doubt.

Well done you for planning to confront her. There is no other way. You will regret it if you don't.

Lorddenning1 · 31/01/2019 19:38

When will u see the cleaner again?

Aridane · 31/01/2019 19:38

wouldn't bother with police or another trap but just change the locks and give her a week's paid notice. ie you pay her but never have her in the house again

Why throw away yet further good money after bad?

wigglypiggly · 31/01/2019 19:49

Change the locks and key code, tell her you are having to let her go as money has been stolen from you and you cant afford a cleaner anymore.

Original poster
cloudspotter · 31/01/2019 20:09

She has tried to call and then texted me. Shock

To say there is something important that she wants to ask me. Is my cleaner a mumsnetter!?

I will simply hear her out, not make any assumptions. There is a circumstantial set of evidence that's put this beyond reasonable doubt for me, but let's see what comes out tomorrow? Confused

OP posts:
Wildestflower · 31/01/2019 20:16

I had a cleaner who I was certain had stolen from us. She also had a key. When I asked for the key back, she became abusive and nasty, accusing me of exploiting her. She was later convicted of fraud (unrelated to her cleaning work). Good luck tomorrow.

RomanyRoots · 31/01/2019 20:23

Perhaps the cleaner will confess, maybe the kids caught her.
and she'd have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids.
This reads like an episode of scooby doo Grin

creamcheeseandlox · 31/01/2019 20:29

OP. Please update us when you speak to her tomorrow. Intrigued as to why she is so desperate to speak to you?!

BudgiePie · 31/01/2019 20:34

So phone her and tell us!

LadySpratt · 31/01/2019 20:48

Don’t stop there, please! I’m on tenterhooks!

creamcheeseandlox · 31/01/2019 20:50

Yes in fact phone her NOW OP.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2019 20:57

cripes Hmm why am I anxious Grin

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 31/01/2019 22:24

I think she may have seen this thread, op Shock

Original poster
cloudspotter · 31/01/2019 22:25

I have had one of those mad weeks when it's always a bad time. I was racing home early from work to pick kids up to drop off etc.

So I explained I could t speak now but would be free tomorrow. Just realised that's not really true. I've got one of those days with one errand after another.

Still, I will have to prioritise this.

Have talked with dh. I will just literally hear what the thing is.

I haven't yet paid yesterday's cleaning money. I think that might possibly be why the phone calls. Maybe it's made her realise. Because this time was really risky, not like the money from the kids where it could be written off as carelessness.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/01/2019 22:29

There can’t be anything identifying enough on the thread can there?

wigglypiggly · 31/01/2019 22:32

Keep your cool if it is her then don't get side tracked by her questions, hope you get to the bottom of this.

tempname111 · 31/01/2019 22:38

It's not outside the realms of possibility that she could be on MN and have recognised herself Confused

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