To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

Well.ds1 struggles academically, and ds2_has complex learning disabilities so not very bright they but very lovely most posters on her have very bright children or so they say.......

Everyone thinks their kid is bright when they're young because the rate at which they learn and go from from being helpless babies to curious little creatures who can read and write and tell you all about their interests is astonishing.

I suspect DD(4) is average. DS (1) sometimes seems bright but then he eats paint and hits his head off the bathroom sink 4 or 5 times in a row and I reckon he has killed half his brain cells.

DD 13 is average.
DS 5 seems as if he's brighter but certainly not a genius.
I too am surrounded by people who seem to have super-academic kids. DP and I are quite academic too. If pushed I would admit that I'd prefer it if DD were more successful academically but that really is only due to pressure/ status so I try to block it out. She's fabulous in all sorts of other ways.

Its them. Statistically bell shaped curve and all that. I have taken to saying how i think my dd is a bit thick and then smiling sweetly if she beats theirs in tests!

The teacher, myself and DH are very happy with where DS (4) is at.
He enjoys school and seems happy there.

That's as much as we ever hoped for.

They are academically very very average (good at some things, bad at others, average at most). But that said one of them is emotionally very controlled/initiative/manipulative and the other one is just much more interesting than most children his age (he’s four so most of them are boring AF).

I feel my children so far are average. Who knows how things will change (they're 4 and 2) but my friend whose DC is now 6 has for the past few years made comments regarding how advanced he is for his age. I don't see it. And I don't mean that in a horrible way but from spending time with him and also from what my DF talks about, he too seems average.

Ds1 and 2 are exceptionally bright...both top of their class and have different maths work set for them as they’re borderline gifted in maths.

Ds3 is 1 so no idea. He’s just an averagely bright, active baby so far 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine are fine. I am happy if they are well rounded, so doing ok at school and enjoying sport. The "brightest" kids are usually not the most successful ones in life. I have kids who are reasonably succesfull and happy.

I am delighted that we don't have a genius either. That would mean either a child bored out of his head in class, or a few years above his age group and socially lonely among older kids. I really can't see why people wish to put their children through that.

You are not a better or brighter parent because you have what you think are super-smart kids. At most you are a pushy one.

I think society at the moment really puts pressure on many parents to compete and push their DC.

DS13 has ASD and has areas of absolute exceptional brightness, then absolute apathy towards other areas of learning so has to work very hard to be 'good' at those subjects. Emotionally he's easily below average as he struggles hugely with that side of his ASD.

DS8 is top set for his subjects, but his school is small, so as a measure it's probably not that much of a true test. I think he'll stay bright but just sort of cruising above average rather than setting the world alight.

I'm happy that they're just nice children, to be honest.

I don't think you can tell until they're in secondary. All my boys have been slow readers, not really getting the hang of it till about 7 or 8 but now in their late teens are getting As and A*s in everything.

My 12 year old DS is in middle set in Year 7 with the boy who, at his primary school, learnt to read at 2 and always had the speaking parts in everything from reception. Now they are achieving the same.

I thought DD was average in some areas at school and well above in others. Now she's at high school I suspect she's generally above average across the board. Apart from PE.
Just like me. Sort of.

have different maths work set for them as they’re borderline gifted in maths.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but every single class had kids who get different work set because they are on a higher level than the rest of the group ! Yours might be gifted though, some children are.

Average is great imo. All we can ask of our children is that they are healthy and happy. I used to believe average was one of the worst things you could be but when I had children I realised average was a great thing to be.

My eldest is average, middle DC struggles academically and has to work harder but she does well once she applies herself and youngest DC is exceptionally bright. I wouldn’t call any of my children that if they weren’t, she actually is. She’s the type that gets 10/10 in spellings every week without needing to practise and gets extra homework because the sheet given to everyone else isn’t enough.

2 are average, 1 is above average but not gifted, just a bit brighter than average. Everyone else I know has extraordinarily smart DC. It is indeed irritating.

I would say that on average my 13 year old is a solid B-grade student and perhaps an A-grader in some subjects with a lot of work. She's definitely not a natural super-high-flier, everything-comes-easily-type though.

I think it's them. Here everyone seems to trip over themselves to say how their child is doing OK when they're doing pretty well in my book - humility and modesty all the way! I do have a few friends who acknowledge their child is freakishly talented though e.g. those free reading or doing multiplication before school, I also know a few children who were doing brilliant illustrations from a very young age.

Feel awful saying this but DC1 certainly isn't as naturally academic as I was as a child - reading, maths, learning things that came quickly and easily to me and he struggles a fair bit. Maybe if I'd struggled at school, I'd think he was really bright though? Could it be comparative?

Overall I'd say DC1 is average, yes. He isn't the most socially confident child either. BUT like you I agree that's fine. He is naturally very curious, generally kind, a lovely tuneful singer and has a great imagination and sense of humour.

DC2 is only 3 but seems to be a bit brighter/ sparkier than DC1. Excellent speech and mature ideation for his age, great memory, quick-witted and a bit more fiery. But time will tell.

TBH they change so much, I've read so many stories on here where a child has gone from bottom to top of class or vice versa in a matter of years.

Being naturally bright when I was younger didn't do me many favours in the long run either - I'm a praise junkie, if I have to try hard at anything I lose interest and my motivation and sticking power are both poor.

DC1 is only 4 & I think he has very good coordination compared to his peers eg could catch a ball, aim, play football & scoot very early but he can’t read yet so I would say average. I have very good coordination & did lots of dancing & gymnastics so it’s probably genetic? DC2 (2) can’t run or jump without falling over 😂

I don't think you can tell until they're in secondary
I'd wait until they start a career to judge frankly. There are some interesting surprises when you see how successful young adults are, as opposed to the expectations or boasting from their parents.

I thought DS1 (18) was a genius (precious first born and all of that) and primary school reports always pushed that he was very bright. He went to secondary school and lost interest in school work and does no study. Very frustrating. Sometimes I think I misremember his cleverness but I was in school meeting about ds2 and teacher remarked how excellent DS1 was....He's such a smart kid, not much interest in college but I think he'll be fine.

Ds 2 (8)and 3 (5) are average. Ds2 has low maths ability. Ds4 is only 2 but again seems average.

There's a show on Public Radio in the US set in a fictitious place called Lake Woebegone where "all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all of the children are above average".

So it's a universal delusion. DH is very bright and I think the kids picked up some of the same from him. DS was language delayed as a toddler, so that set him back in the early years, but he overcame it and is now in his first year at uni, doing very well academically. DD is getting really top marks in secondary school, but is challenged a bit by the SAT, the standardized uni admission test we have here. So she's doing on line tutoring for that which should help. Even with the scores she has now she'll get into a good to very good university.

No1 bright but arty now an actor
No2 dyslexic and not academic but very very good people skills andd emotional intelligent
No3 adhd, average academically but has worked their arse off to just get through it
No4 physically disabled but uber bright and academic excellent work ethic but no confidence
No 5 hf autism, super bright but bored easily and very fixed
No 6 cp,hydrocephalus, adhd, bowel condition partial incontinence 3/4 years ahead of peers in, reading, mental maths and understanding but way behind re fine motor skills due to cp and will never be in the ball park.

They're all awesome

DS1 age 12 is extremely intelligent (but lacks common sense) he also has ASD so cant do out of the box thinking eg he would have trouble if the grass had a do not walk sign but the path was full of snakes. He wouldn’t be able to break the rule of not walking on the grass!! He also did not utter a word until he was nearly 2.5. Every teacher who comes across him is always astounded by how knowledgable he is and he had a reading age of 14years+ when he was 4

DD on the other hand is a summer baby (so already at a slight disadvantage compared to her autumn born friends) but she is bright but academically average she can however turn a cardboard box into a million different things and at 10 can make herself smashed avocado and poached egg on toast. She has a lot more social and emotional intelligence than her brother and is a very good problem solver
DS2 is 8 and in infants he was behind his peers, partly due to hearing problems and partly due to just being a young boy who wanted to play and dig in the dirt. He has always been able to make a very good structurely sound Lego model. He also like to make things with wood and has a little proper hammer and tool set. Now he’s in year 3 his reading and maths have actually come on loads

Anyway the point of my long ramble was to say all 3 of my kids have been brought up the same, with the same parents and opportunities, the same access to books and learning tools yet they are all completely different. DS1 could solve a complex equation or tell you the rise and fall of many political empires yet he can’t butter a piece of toast.

Ds takes after me and is bright but won’t achieve his academic potential because we both have adhd, inattentive type, and simply can’t focus for long enough. Dd is exceptionally bright and has DHs work ethic and I expect will achieve great things.

Yes I agree with the careers thing.

I was brighter academically than a close friend - higher groups, better GCSEs etc but friend is much much much more successful than me and has a brilliant career. Me...not so much.

That’s why it annoys me when some parents seem to think how quickly their offspring ascends the Oxford reading tree is indicative of future success.