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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how bright you think your children are?

493 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 30/01/2019 17:17

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

OP posts:
nos123 · 30/01/2019 18:52

Grades aren’t always reflective of intelligence- some kids hate school and won’t perform well despite their intellect. This is especially true of young children who might not be interested in the work. Just a reminder to helicopter parents, spelling tests don’t correlate with IQ!

Paddingtonthebear · 30/01/2019 18:53

DD age 6 is fairly bright according to her school teachers and the nursery staff who looked after her in the early years. I can see that she is too but not outstandingly so. She’s an only child so I had no children to compare her to when she was young so didn’t really think about it then but looking back now at videos I can see she was ahead of the curve with speech, numbers, reading. She is physically quite able too. She is in no way gifted though.

Pluckedpencil · 30/01/2019 18:54

My kids are bright. One is always in the top two for maths and can speak two languages fluently age 7 and has adapted to his second language and keeps up with friends despite not speaking the language at home. The three year old has gone to school a year early (allowed here) and is definitely on a par with her classmates and also has really exceptional language skills (big adjectives, very emotionally attuned, understands fairly subtle humour etc). I don't think they are 'gifted' or anything but they're definitely going to be in the top quartile of their class.

3WildOnes · 30/01/2019 18:54

My younger two are too young to tell. My eldest is in y3 and bright but I don’t think exceptionally so. I can see that 19% of pupil in his year achieved greater depth in RWM and he was in that group. But I’m not sure where he fits into that group. Lots of people on here say that their children are top of their class but how do they know, surely the teacher isn’t telling them?

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/01/2019 18:57

Dd is in yr6 and 10. She is lazy and on the higher side of average. She loves sport and has great EQ. She does things now like ask shop assistants for help without me even prodding her. Something I was scared of doing into adulthood. Will call dh or me out if she thinks I’m being inconsistent etc. I think her EQ will be the making of her when for other children it will be something else.

Paddingtonthebear · 30/01/2019 19:00

I only know my DD is in the top group for writing because they get different homework to the rest of the class, they have an extra workbook that the others don’t have yet. Teacher didn’t say anything but DD noticed. I assume she is in the top reading group too as her teacher described her reading ability recently as phenomenal. But otherwise no the school do not discuss ability groups with parents, at this stage anyway. It’s not really important is it. But it’s nice to know your child is doing well and is happy at school. That is important!

Helix1244 · 30/01/2019 19:00

Dd1 is very bright, a little sponge from toddlerhood but i agree with pp that personality is most important and like another pp she cant behave.
It's hard to tell in primary due to age differences. But also skills like learning to read are not used again and comprehension and creative writing are more important as with maths all the fast mental recall isnt the same necessarily as the harder maths.

Xenia · 30/01/2019 19:00

They got into competitive day schools in the private sector at 5, 7, 11 etc and got good GCSE A level and university results. I think they are fairly bright - basically similar to the rest of the family.

sar302 · 30/01/2019 19:01

I'm convinced my PFB 13 month old is a genius at least ten times a day. I text my husband today because he stacked FOUR blocks. Then he tried to eat a handful of sudocream at bedtime, so I think the jury is still out... I can't wait to see who he turns into!

Miljah · 30/01/2019 19:02

Oh, xenia- you are the gift that keeps on giving.

Got the fees back, yet?.... Wink

Vicious2018 · 30/01/2019 19:07

Dd6 is average at the moment. Ds8 was average but is now rather clever. I am just happy that neither of them struggles at school.

Justgivemesomepeace · 30/01/2019 19:07

Dd is probably top third I'd say. Some top sets and some second to top sets. DS is only 6 but he's definately brighter but a right little messer so I'll have to wait and see how he fairs as he gets older!

m0therofdragons · 30/01/2019 19:09

Dtds are about average academically but socially aware and have common sense intelligence.

Dd1 is extremely academically intelligent but has no common sense and is socially oblivious.

GunpowderGelatine · 30/01/2019 19:11

DD - average/on track for her age
DS - Bit dense if I'm honest.

GunpowderGelatine · 30/01/2019 19:13

In my DD's class (private school if it makes a difference, lots of competitive highly driven lunatics parent) everyone's child is a total genius and light years ahead of his or her peers according to mum and dad. I work at DD's school so have the privilege of observing them sometimes at break times, and the rate at which they pick their noses tells me otherwise Grin

BlueJava · 30/01/2019 19:13

If it's maths or science they seem pretty bright and got good GCSEs. If it's languages or sports or English then apparently not bright at all!! However, they are happy and healthy and enjoying life so it's all good.

ballroompink · 30/01/2019 19:17

DS1 is above average, I would say, but at school would often rather chat and mess around (he's in Yr 2) Hmm He is meeting all his targets and is particularly strong in reading and science but I would say he could achieve more if he was more focused! However he loves to sing and perform, he's fascinated by all things science and the natural world and has a great imagination. I was very academic at school, always top in most stuff, etc. I was also very anxious and a perfectionist who struggled to make friends. DS is outgoing and will get on with anyone and I think that's better for him.

thegreenlight · 30/01/2019 19:18

I would trade ‘normal’ for bright any day Sad DS could tell you every element in the periodic table and their groupings, draw their atomic diagrams, tell you about Bose Einstein condensates, dark matter, violent chemical fury and describe the birth and death of stars but struggles with virtually everything else.
He’s 5.
It’s heart breaking to see him find life and his peers so difficult to understand.

NCjustforthisthread · 30/01/2019 19:20

My 4 year old is a free reader but I don’t think she is bright - she just likes reading and took to it. Very very young to even say gifted/bright/talented. She can however sing and memorise a ton of 80’s songs and can name every single singer in the original bandaid video... he he he. I think this is bloody amazing. 😂

hendricksy · 30/01/2019 19:21

Dd is top set in year 10 for every subject predicted 8 and 9's in her GCSEs ( a star and a star star . Ds has learning difficulties and in SN school .. go figure 🤷‍♀️..

RomanyRoots · 30/01/2019 19:22

thegreenlight

Thanks for you. I know how difficult it can be at times, mine is 15 now and whilst different to when a 5 year old, the problems are the same.
I also know it's hard to find people to talk to as they think you are boasting, but years at CAMHS was nothing for us to boast about.
Mine is music and likewise until very recently has struggled with everything else.
Sending you a virtual hug, because I understand.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 30/01/2019 19:26

Well you do know if your kid is top of the class. You know if they are on the top table; you know what reading book they are on and what friends are on; you know what they got in their tests and what friends got and if you volunteer at the school, you get a chance to compare them to their peers.

And yes, sometimes the teacher actually comes out and tells you they are the brightest in the class.

I once overheard the mother of a little girl in DS2's class telling a group of mums that her kid was the brightest in the class. Perfectly nice little girl, but she was on the middle table. I don't know if she was deliberately lying or completely deluded, but it baffled me.

When your kid is doing really really exceptionally well, you tend not to discuss it at all with the other parents in the class.

XmasPostmanBos · 30/01/2019 19:26

My dd is quite bright and good at creative subjects like art and music, but more than anything she is very determined and will work really hard if she wants to learn something so I think that is what will help her most.

Streamside · 30/01/2019 19:28

My DD is now 22, didn't get the first few years at school at all, spelt her name backwards until she was 7, diagnosed as dyslexic at 8 and scraped through to a levels with 6 c grade gcse's. She went to university to study a science subject and graduated with a first class honours degree. She was exceptionally organised and focused throughout her degree but we really were shocked.She's a constant reminder to me that perceived intelligence at school can be so misleading.

Redcrayonisthebest · 30/01/2019 19:29

Ds 6 appears to be slightly above average (top group in class but not the most able in that group) he presents as bright, verbal and curious but has motor skills delay which makes him appear a bit goofy. He comes from a family of late bloomers so there's potential.
Tbh I'm more worried about him being happy and having friends, which he does so that's good.