To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

Saw this the other day

DD (5) is very bright academically. (We think so, as do all the staff at her school)

But - physically she's pretty shit. Won't ride a bike (even with stabilisers) 2 and 3 year olds in playgrounds climb faster than her.

She's too busy thinking about what she needs to do rather than just bloody doing it.

So yes, she's very "bright" but she's not a wonder child in all areas like I feel a lot of MN kids are......

Two of my kids are fairly average really and one is struggling a bit in school. The fourth is a baby so who knows with them.

They're all fucking awesome in other ways though. Funny, interesting, curious, kind etc etc. And equally importantly they go into school every day with a smile on their face to teachers who never ever let them know that they're 'just average academically'.

I agree with the poster who said they start to learn at such a rapid rate when they're toddlers, that it's easy to think you're harbouring a child genius. I used to frequently think my first born was exceptionally gifted until I came across other children of the same age. In reality, I just needed to get out more .

I used to frequently think my first born was exceptionally gifted until I came across other children of the same age. In reality, I just needed to get out more blush.

Ha yes this was definitely me

Dd1 ( 17 ) extremely bright, excellent work ethic. 8 and 9 grades in all of her GCSE’s currently studying A Level pure and applied Maths, English Literature and History at the boys grammar school. Arty, friendly very confident.

Dd2 ( 15 ) extremely bright. Currently rebelling against everything and predicted grade 6 for her GCSE’s 🙄 no self confidence, trouble expressing herself, massive explosive temper but she’s getting there, huge friend group, popular. I think she explodes at home rather than at school as home is her safe place.

Dd3 ( 11 ) just above average. Works hard, enjoys school, is a year younger than most of her peers ( August baby) but is slowly bringing her grades up. No predicted grades just yet. Arty, funny, quirky, getting moody but tries really hard.

Ds ( 8 ) extremely bright. Is bouncy, lacks concentration but retains very well. Rough and tumble, gets out of the bath dirty, limitless energy.

I think it really depends on each individual. I do think I’m lucky to have bright kids. I do push them hard and I do make every resource available to them

My 3yo is very thoughtful and observant and thinks outside of the box. He is also very affectionate and kind. Hard to tell with academic things just yet. His speech was a bit delayed due to glue ear so this frustrated him somewhat.
My 11mo is a different personality altogether, quite a comedian with a real love for music already.
Both have really good fine motor skills I've noticed.
Excited to see what they become!

I actually had two people walk out of a conversation at a party because I said it was ok for children to be stupid (academically) and that they should concentrate on what they are good at/enjoy and not worry so much about traditional education, beyond the three R’s.

I still don’t understand what is wrong with that... some of the loveliest people I know are a bit rubbish academically (down to intelligence not ADHD etc). One can fix anything mechanical or electrical, another is a fantastic mother with a home and children anyone would be proud of, or my friend who is just nice and would give you the shirt of her back if she thought you needed it.

Academic intelligence is just another thing people like to brag about (little Quentin syndrome!) So it’s viewed as a crime, if as a parent, you aren’t telling anyone who will listen how bright your darlings are.

None of the real life school parents I know are braggers. Or if they are they aren’t to me. DS was developmentally delayed - it’s much less apparent now than when he started preschool, he’s really caught up. However he has ASD so still needs support in a few ways. I wonder if that’s why I’ve not really heard any bragging, because people think it would be a bit tasteless. Who knows.

Academic intelligence is just another thing people like to brag about (little Quentin syndrome!)

I think it makes things very simple for bragging, doesn't it? You only have to think in terms of numbers and report cards, not actually about your child's less easily classified gifts.

DS is 14, struggles academically. Has ASD and language delay. He's a great kid, works hard but has his struggles.
DD is 11. Average ability but very creative. Writes beautiful stories and good at art. Struggles with Math.
DS is 9. Seems to be more academic . Seems good all around and has a natural math ability ( not sure where he gets that from tbh 🤔).
I would be more concerned with their ability to socialise, interact with people, have confidence in themselves and their mental health than their academic ability.
I'm average and so is DH and we're not doing too bad at all .

I think they're as thick as pig shit. However, the examiners at two Russell Group universities, seem to disagree with me I think this is called a stealth boast

Lol beachthebutler

Hand I suspect they walked away because you raised the horrible spectre that their DCs might not be the budding academic stars they want them to be. FWIW, I agree with you.

It is a bit like the tortoise and the hare story. Slow and steady can succeed in many things. Depends what interests them. A good many of the brightest and fastest run out of steam when older and are often overtaken. The world is made up of all sorts, and they all have their merits. What would the those who love teaching special needs do for satisfaction if all the special needs children disappeared? There would be a lot of frustrated professionals.

The important thing is that they go to school and get as far as the God given talents take them. Most employers just want to know that they went to school and are capable of storing some data in their brains. Not everyone can be a chief: some are destined to be Indians but that does not make them useless or dull.

I've participated on this thread before and have been keeping up with it. It's just struck me, other than adoring grandparents, we never have conversations with other people about how well (or not) our children are doing. It's just not a thing. I don't talk about it with friends or other school parents or at parties.
I've always got other things to talk about. Do people genuinely have conversations with other people about your children like this?

No, it’s not something I’ve ever discussed. Intelligence is one of those things not to brag about it seems. I could tell you how creative and social my middle child is and that’s not bragging but to say how clever my eldest is and then apparently you are only seeing what you want to see

I have a (otherwise lovely) friend who takes any opportunity to tell me how well her DD is doing at maths, English, swimming, baking, art, Lego-building... I find it really off putting. So I am not saying what I think of my kids! It doesn’t matter.

I was always told I how bright I was as a child but I was desperate to be average. And I think that emotional maturity and self esteem are greater measures of later success anyway. (Sadly I lacked both!)