To ask how bright you think your children are?

[Cheekysquirrel]

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

My ds is bright in that he’s very very very inquisitive and always working out how stuff works. Far above normal for his age.

But I’m not sure he’ll be academic. He is not extrinsically motivated by praise or competition so I worry if he’s not interested in something he won’t make an effort.

So far he’s average at literacy. He’s got a great grasp of mathematical ideas but his basic numeracy is only average as he won’t rote learn boring things

Mine are both average which I am pleased about.

One is really good at learning from mistakes which I think is a really useful skill.

DS is pretty bright - top or near the top in a few subjects, teachers describe him as "very able". He's not super-bright, though.

I think I was probably cleverer than him when I was at school, but he is more creative, which is more important IMHO

I'd rarther people thought of their kids as brilliant then average. Tbh

I am not sure, some parents are completely deluded about their little darlings. Being more realistic and helping them out to reach their potential if much more helpful.

The smartest ones tend also to be the most lazy ones, for many reasons . Having the best grades doesn't mean they are genuinely the brightest! That's why I wouldn't judge until you see how successful they are in life.

I honestly don’t know! Some days I feel she is really clever, others I despair because of her lack of concentration. Sometimes her worries hold her back. But apparently she is average according to the school so that is fine I guess. I just hope she ends up in a job she loves, so I am nurturing the things she enjoys most like drama and art and music. I don’t push her academically really and sometimes I worry that I should but being a good parent is complicated!

I thought DD1 was bright but not a prodigy. She was in that Gifted & Talented thing at school but I think it’s quite a low bar.
She did well academically but not astonishingly and now has a very good career. I think her strong interpersonal skills have been at least as important as intelligence in that.
ExH is a numpty and was convinced she was a genius. He got her IQ tested aged 10 by an Ed Psych and it was 134 which seemed about right to me. He wasn’t happy and paid to have it done again, with the same result.
She hasn’t taken a test as an adult, why would she?
DD2 is severely disabled and has a very spikey profile but probably has the cognitive abilities of a child between 14 and 24 months.
I think a lot of rightly devoted and proud parents naturally fix on and retain the incidents showing the precocity of their child and forget children hit early milestones at different and that they are also great imitators. I remember causing a stir when tiny by telling bunch of my parents friends that Beethoven was my favourite composer. I knew fuck all about Beethoven but had obviously heard about him somewhere recently, so trotted that out to impress them. It worked.
I was a tiny bullshitter even then 😂

Interesting, out of about 60 posters, less than 5 have below averagely intelligent children, sele tion bias or delusion?

My DD (now 35) struggled at school,particularly primary school,because she had undiagnosed dyslexia. So I spent her school years thinking that she was of pretty average intelligence,maybe even below average. It wasn't diagnosed until she was 18 and in her first year of university,because one of her tutors picked up on it. She came on in leaps and bounds once it was diagnosed. She went on to obtain a 2:1 degree with honours. She has since also sat a MENSA test,and scored an IQ of 148.

I have one average, the other is the cleverest person I know.

However the average one left school with better exam results and is on track for a great career.

Brightness is no guarantee of life success.

Look at the people in parilament.

Dt2 is super quick, her intelligence is sharp, however she's super lazy. Dt1 isn't as sharp but gets there with hard work.

One takes after me and the other her dad. As long as they fulfil their own potential I don't care.

DD is 3 and I'd say she's just below average intelligence. She does have a developmental delay though so might be my perception of that as she seems to take ages to understand anything.

I'm not certain how healthy it is to label your children at such a young age, if ever.

Some children are late developers and some have talents that are not reflected in school subjects.

I was good at school, but bad at everything else. My dd is very bright but took up a non-academic career. My dgd is average school-wise, but naturally talented in music. It remains to be seen whether she wants to develop that talent.

DS has gone downhill. He used to be near the top of his year, now he is languishing around average.

He's a lazy fucker.

Dd7 is bright. Test scores prove it. Dd2 is still a baby. Too early to tell.

It means nothing to do well academically at school as a few PPs have noted.

Not among my peer group anyway.

DS1- average: could probably achieve above average in a few areas if he did any work. Lack of doing any work and raft of behavioural and other issues means he attains far, far below average. Has some wonderful qualities which are currently hidden very deep down.

DS2- gifted, although I'm aware that 'gifted' at this age (year 5) doesn't necessarily translate into super high achievement at secondary level and above. He genuinely is very, very able though, a POV expressed by every teacher he has ever had. I feel a mixture of pride "oh my clever, clever son" and relief "I'm not an appalling mother who only produces reprobate children" and concern "how am I going to be able to keep up if I am already googling the answers on the rare occasion he wants support with his homework?"

DS3- really have no idea, he's only 4, hasn't started school yet!

Ds18 was in top band for all subjects and is now in university. Ds14 is in top band for all subjects, and is probably middle of the band- he’s achieving or above achieving his targets.
So I’d say they were bright. But not exceptionally bright. They won’t set the world ablaze. I don’t think they are any brighter or more intelligent than any of their friends. It’s hard to say with my friends as I was a teen mum, so many of my friends have children but they are in primary right now. I know from experience that how ‘bright’ a child is in primary, can massively change by the time they get to high school.
Ds18 was exceptionally bright in primary, but all his friends caught up in high school. Likewise ds14 was average in primary and has excelled in high school. So 🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s a lot of scope for bright kids to fuck it all up at uni! I know - I am one.
My peers from school who were good and probably at the top of average but not dazzlingly ‘bright’ have pretty much all outpaced me in terms of jobs/ earnings. It’s so much more about work ethic in higher/further education. I’ve you’ve got both then that sets you up really well, but I never learnt to work when I was at school or college - that really would have been a better foundation than being top of my year, which is essentially meaningless.

Not bright enough to organise themselves and work hard, but, gallingly, they do well in tests.

Not good for children to be labelled bright, clever, beautiful etc. It lets them think they don't need to try and do their best.
Why are these parents crowing? Do they think it makes them special?
Just a snobbery, not everyone is clever academically but can still be a success at something they love or are interested in

Yes my dd is only 3 but takes forever to learn anything.
She definitely won’t be reading in reception year!

I wonder if there's a bit of "sing when you're winning" involved - the parents of the kids who are below average just keeping quiet?

Anyway hard to tell with our kids, as they are at school in their second language. They seem to be holding their own, which is all we really need. I think you want your kids to be a bit above average in their class, but not more - being ultra bright brings its own problems, which schools understandably don't always have that much focus on.

My 2 dcs are academically above average, but not gifted. They're not hard workers, unfortunately - just average. 1 is very gifted at a particular, non-academic activity.

Eldest child is super bright, top of his year at a grammar school, etc.

Middle child struggles academically and is dyslexic, but is a super talented singer and dancer and has been in theatre shows etc

Little is doing ok as much as we can tell at her age! Probably brighter than average at the moment but who knows, she’s only 5!

DD could be at the top of the class if she could be bothered, but she enjoys playing and I’m happy with that. No problems at school on track so average I suppose.

DS is the second child who is quite close in age to DD, so he could have started school a year ago. Having said that I want him to enjoy his nursery years, so even if the option was there I wouldn’t have taken it.

It was nursery and school who was saying “advanced” and “very clever” but they are both average because although DD and DS may excell in one subject doesn’t make then genius’s.

In the end it all levels out. I’d rather have a balance of average intelligence with common sense thrown in than an “advanced” child anyday