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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how bright you think your children are?

493 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 30/01/2019 17:17

I ask because all my friends seem to think their children are exceptionally bright.
My children are average, average at best. I said as much to mil and she was aghast.
I think average (academically) is fine. I mean most people ARE average. Ds has ASD and has bigger issues than not setting the world alight academically. I’d be happy if he just had any friends.
Dd isn’t at preschool yet but she isn’t as bright as ds - takes her ages to learn anything and I think she’s going to really struggle with maths.

Meanwhile all my friends are telling me how clever their kids are.
Is it them or me?!

OP posts:
Ariela · 31/01/2019 23:19

I think people completely underestimate the intelligence of babies.

Dreamcatcher81 · 31/01/2019 23:35

Going forwards though, a friend posted this on Instagram yesterday:

"Success is a collection of well curated failures"

PenelopeChipShop · 31/01/2019 23:36

I was thinking about this this morning weirdly as my 2yo (who I had previously thought of as quite bright considering how well she talks, ‘reads’ books etc) had a meltdown bc she wouldn’t wear gloves, but her hands were cold. I was literally thinking how can she not understand this issue when she can manipulate me into getting what she wants half the time....?! So with her, I dunno, the jury’s out!

Her brother does seem bright in a ‘top of the class’ way - top reading band, good at mental arithmetic, drawing etc. But not so much emotionally - he has to win at everything, can’t understand games that are ‘luck of the draw’, will melt down if he doesn’t win ALL THE TiME. There’s more to imtelligence than good grades!!

Tunnocks34 · 31/01/2019 23:38

I must say though, despite my eldest son being exceptionally bright, he missed a lot of his other milestones. Particularly physical ones.

So for instance at 5, he can quite easily read books aimed at 8/9 year olds unaided. But he still can’t hold a pencil properly. He can work out any times table question in seconds, but he can’t throw a ball properly and his writing is really difficult to decipher.

He’s been this way as a baby. Could say three word sentences at 9 months but couldn’t sit up unaided until 12 months. Didn’t walk until he was 2.

His brother is now 2 and a half. He can dribble a ball, is really good as anything to do with physical or motor skills, use a knife and a fork properly, he walked at 13 months but he is behind where my older son was in terms of talking, reading etc.

Xmasbaby11 · 31/01/2019 23:49

Dd1 is 7, below average, has ASD, struggles with school academically and socially, can't hold a pen properly, young emotionally. I do worry about her finding life hard.

Dd2 is 5 and learns things quickly, pretty good at everything really, is fairly mature. She is also curious about the world and asks questions so learns that way.

I'd say my dc were how they are from being babies.

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 01/02/2019 00:03

Eldest daughter, year 6, extremely bright. Top or second in her class on all her tests this year. Loves maths. Loves learning her chosen musical instrument. Loves reading. I think she'll do alright and I see her having quite an 'academic' career, like doctor, lawyer, teacher, accountant etc. She's lovely and shows all the signs of being someone who always does the right thing and will probably not join in when her 15 year old friends are drinking gin they stole from their parents cupboard. My younger daughter, 8, year 4. Well. She's a conundrum. At times, she seems as bright as her sister. She often comes out with bizarrely adult viewpoints and words. Loves reading. But is also a proper character and seems to be academically average or just above at some things. I foresee issues in the future with getting her to do her homework and revise for exams. She already likes boys, which I also predict will be a massive distraction. However, she strikes me as someone who will put in as little effort into life as she needs to, in order to get by, but her character and nature will ensure she always comes up smelling of roses.

fannyanddick · 01/02/2019 00:16

Amazing and super clever of course!

scaryteacher · 01/02/2019 00:19

I always suspected he was bright when he was younger; the sort of kid that would be the mix of frustrating but exhilarating to teach...he got a First, and has just got his MA, so I suppose I was right.

MonkeyPieMama · 01/02/2019 01:09

My eldest boy is bright I'd say, but not exceptionally so. My youngest has asd and learning difficulties so he's way behind his peers in all aspects.

defineme · 01/02/2019 01:19

I have one child who has a low IQ, learning difficulties and ASD.
Another child who is an exceptional all rounder, top of the class in science, maths, humanities and English- wouldn't say he's a genius, but bright. Last child is average, doing well at school, not top or bottom of anything. I am most proud that They are sweethearts who give things a go and are pleasant to. be around

LellyMcKelly · 01/02/2019 01:33

DD (13) solid top 5 of top set
DS (10) thinks shoving chopsticks up his nose so he can look like a walrus is worthy of the Nobel Prize for Physics.

Commonwasher · 01/02/2019 02:04

Unfortunately, you don’t need to look far to find someone shamelessly bragging about how amazing their children are at maths/spellings/sports/performing arts etc. Most parents think their own child is ace. And rightly so, but it’s a strange world view to give a child, to place such high value on achievement. There is some wise proverb or other: ‘comparison is the quickest route to misery’

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 01/02/2019 02:50

FYI...I just read about this on Daily Mail.

Aria999 · 01/02/2019 04:01

It’s a parent’s prerogative to think their kid is a genius. I think ds is one of the brightest, most beautiful children I ever met but I don’t generally go round saying so as I think there are some mum-tinted glasses on me lol

TheLittleDogLaughed · 01/02/2019 05:15

Haven’t read all the replies yet OP but surely it’s about how you define clever.

Dd is 16, not terribly academic but good at art and English language. Worse than average at most other subjects and looks likely to get low grade GCSEs.

BUT she is so funny and sharp. She can do incredible impressions of all kinds of people and has everyone in stitches. She is also extremely kind-hearted and loving (even as a teen!) and I value these qualities in her more than any qualifications signalling “cleverness.”

Ladymargarethall · 01/02/2019 05:59

Someone said 'Are we talking intelligence.or common sense?'
I worked with a member of Mensa who quoted the Daily Mail as if it were the Bible. Perfect example.of someone who was highly intelligent (allegedly) but had little common sense.

Wallywobbles · 01/02/2019 06:11

In secondary. Both better students than I was at their age.

DD1 just better than average for the school overall but below average in maths.

DD2 above average pretty much everywhere for the school but history/geography.

I think it's meant to be a good school. Lots of high powered parents.

Bathbombs · 01/02/2019 06:34

My dd was a very early talker and had a huge vocabulary and great memory by 2. I thought she was destined to be a genius Blush
Then it emerged that she was really rubbish at jigsaws and I downgraded my expectations slightly Grin. Now at 10 she’s a great reader but average overall and really has to work at maths.

Ds is 6. He is also articulate but average overall except in drawing where I genuinely think he has a bit of a talent. He went to school barely being able to draw a simple face but now 2 year star later produces very accurate and detailed drawings either from memory or imagination. He’s also excellent at lego (I know lots of 6 year olds are but it amazes me how quickly he completes the models and how easily he can correct the rare mistakes he makes)

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 01/02/2019 06:39

Being academic isn't necessarily the be all and end all though.

I was what I suppose you'd call "bright" as a child. I learned to read before school, I sailed through school with all As at GCSE and A Level and a first at uni which to be honest I found really easy.

But in the real world? None of that counts for much. Yes, I could write you a great essay on Jane Eyre but what's the point? I work in quite an average job in admin, don't really have many people skills and not much initiative.

My OH on the other hand got 2 GCSEs but has his own business, is very creative and has achieved so much more than me.

birdiewoof · 01/02/2019 06:59

DD (12) is bright, top sets, however has me Hmm with her lack of common sense sometimes Grin

DS1 (10) is also bright, particularly good at maths, lacks confidence though, I don’t think he realises just how clever he is!

DS2 (2) seems bright but he’s 2 so we will wait and see 🤣

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 01/02/2019 07:03

DS has just moved up from Lions (bottom table) to Tigers (middle) following a lot of extra work at home.
He's not going to be a kid who can afford to coast, put it that way.
My hippy-dippy "who cares about homework? They're only little once" attitude is in shreds. It's been a learning curve for us both.

ethelfleda · 01/02/2019 07:43

As far as DH and I are concerned, our 15 month old DS is an absolute genius and we find ourselves talking about the little things he does and saying how advanced he must be.
He is a PFB though so we are probably talking utter bollocks and he is average too Grin

ethelfleda · 01/02/2019 07:46

With regards to skills etc though - although DS is only young, I have a much bigger focus on emotional development anyway. I’d rather he go off to school happy and secure and confident (if possible) and not know how to count to three.
Of course there is only so much I can do to help him with that!

Dreamcatcher81 · 01/02/2019 09:03

@CallMeVito I was thinking about your comment about waiting to see what careers DCs have before judging how bright they are.

The two most successful female friends I have didn't go to university and one of them, who is very senior in television, was pretty average at school.

They were/are both very confident extroverts though!

Devilinatwinset · 01/02/2019 11:00

I think most people WANT to believe that their kids are special/gifted etc. Ds @ almost 8 is bright, in the top group in his class, loves maths etc, seems to have a very logical mind like me (I have no imagination) & isn't really interested in the creative side of things, dd nearly 6 is getting extra help in school, is being observed for possible dyslexia (though she's the youngest in her class) & although it's hard to say at this stage, I imagine that she may find academic work a bit more of a challenge than her brother. She is so arty though & incredibly witty. I just accept that they are unique individuals and that their brains are wired differently. I was in the top group in my primary school class & was a big fish in a small pond but that changed when I went to grammar school (I'm in N.I. where 11+ test & academic streaming is/was the norm). All of a sudden I was average. I have a very deep seated fear of failure & whilst I still highly value education, since having children I no longer value academic achievement. If it's the right route for you, great, if not, great. I know it's not the only path. I now couldn't give a flying feck how my kids do in school so long as they're trying their best & if they don't fulfil their potential by 18 then I know they will still have choices. And I'm grateful for that. What I will do is support them as best I can.