To think MN really is becoming a nest of vipers

[BeMorePollyanna]

Name changed

I reported 4 posts yesterday eve, all of which were deleted. I wasn't on the threads concerned just browsing through them. That's more than I reported in the last 6 months I think. I was also on the receiving end of stupid comments this week because someone CBA to read the thread and decided I'd said something I hadn't.

I know this subject has been covered previously but am I alone in thinking MN has become increasingly unpleasant lately? There seems to be real spite and nastiness.

I think it’s indicative of a general hardening of attitude in everyday life. People seem to be far more feckless generally and callous towards one another. I take the same route to the office every time and I feel like I see more and more minor unpleasant acts every month. People just have no concern for one another now and it manifests itself in minor ways like failing to indicate right up to total disregard for life. We’re more like people crammed into the same space rubbing against one another than any sort of coherent society.

NB not an anti-immigration dig. Where I live and work immigrants tend to be some of the most affluent people and most active in the community and what little social positivity we have would be lost without them.

Some areas such as AIBU is full of nasty vicious posters who are there for the chance to let out their inner bitch. Others seem to attract much nicer people. I for one will never post in AIBU except commenting like this. People need to remember it is still a person on the receiving end and their cruel comments could have a massive impact on those who are vulnerable or struggling.

Maybe we need a Random Acts of Kindness thread

MN has always been more on the acerbic side of things, none of this 'do what you need to do hun' business, where you might get your arse handed to you on a plate.

Saying that though there is more people spoiling for a fight straight off the bat lately. And there's less humour. If you want a good laugh on here lately you have to search through classics.

I see it more in RL too, so much tension around.

Some posters just come on aibu to attack the OP. They make up scenarios then accuse the OP of being in denial/being defensive/drip feeding if the OP tries to point out that the made up version of events is nothing like what happened.

It's odd, but I guess they get a kick out of it. There's normally some sensible replies on a post too, you just have to ignore the grief.

Oh yes, I absolutely agree.

I've been on a couple of threads recently where people who haven't read the thread, or have read something I've posted, have come to the conclusion that I've said things I didn't say.

Had one poster on a thread I commented on a while ago who kept on repeatedly posting something that I'd posted and accusing me of having a meaning behind my words that only she/he could see.

There's no point in engaging with them or trying to put them right so I just tend to stop posting on those particular threads. You really can't argue with stupid, or spiteful, and there are a great many of both on all social media.

When I first started posting on mn it did bother when people were like that but it's water off a ducks back to me now. But yes, for those who are feeling vulnerable it can be awful.

I see some threads and I swear some people must look through them just to see if there's anything they can pick out so they can be nasty/cause an argument. Half the time what they're saying isn't even relevant. It's infuriating. I tend to just close those threads now as I get annoyed reading them. Pure spite and bitchyness just for the sake if it.
There are some lovely, very intelligent people on here (I have some favourites actually) and for the most part people are supportive but, especially on AIBU, some people only post to be awful for the sake of it.

I also feel that’s there are more troll type fake/ vastly exaggerated posts too. I’ve reported more too in the last few weeks.

It’s reflective of how the population in general is changing, people are less tolerant, right wing politics is flourishing, people are getting nastier. The human race is coming to a horrible boiling point.

I think AIBU can be unpleasant. Certain posters seem to spend all day writing nasty posts and deliberately misunderstanding the OP, while convincing themselves they are simply "telling it like it is" rather than being a spiteful twat. There are a few posters whose posts I instantly scroll past because I know it'll be self-righteous, angry drivel. On the other hand, there are some really kind, helpful posters.

It’s some kind of self- feeding cycle: people become more entitled in their behaviour, people are more willing to call them out, people get offended, that goads some into causing more offence.

I think it's reflective of the broader dumbing down of society and the result of a culture where people assume that because they have an opinion that it's worth listening to.

People have lost the art of debating without it rapidly becoming personal. Posters these days seem to think putting 'end of' as they finish some incoherent illogical rant makes them right ?

Someone said on here the other day that it used to be that MN was generally really supportive with the occasional nasty judgmental post but that was reversed now. I agree with that.

I think you see a lot of people deliberately misinterpreting posts or making swingeing assumptions because they want an excuse to judge someone harshly. It also seems that nobody allows for the fact that humans make mistakes, and everyone is unreasonable sometimes; instead if you exhibit one lapse in judgement you’re clearly a terrible person with no moral compass and no prospect of personal growth.

I think it’s always been like this (I am from the old days).

My personal, brief, experience on MN is that certain people have no ability to debate or discuss an opinion that is opposed to their own and instead resort to insults.

Surely the purpose of a forum is to exchange views and listen to all opinions, even if they differ from your own.

Personal abuse is unacceptable however, let's face it, if these forums did end up being little more than a mutual back-patting exercise ("There there hun, you're doing a great job, stay strong and don't let the haters get you down" kind of response to every thread) then nobody would benefit.

I think more and more threads are infested with "can she eat wafer thin ham" type posters. It's so tedious.

I think most chat sites have threads that attract more brutal posting styles. People on AIBU insist that mumsnet and this area is terrible/well known for being terrible. Have a look at Babycentre though and the What’s Your Opinion On board...that attracts the same posting style as here.

It’s just mini communities. I think the problem comes when most of the interesting/varied topics are posted in AIBU, which means people who don’t want to have a barney or to suffer the blunt posting style end up on the same board as people they are trying to avoid!

But yes I agree, some people are crusified. People need to remember that individuals are multi layered, you can’t judge someone by one post on the Internet then get annoyed with the “drip feeds”.

There is definitely an art to having a successful thread.

Couldnt agree more!!

Perhaps we should start a "15 years ago this week" thread and look at how posters were debating similar issues then?

Keyboard warriors are everywhere. People get very brave behind the safety of a keyboard sadly.

My personal, brief, experience on MN is that certain people have no ability to debate or discuss an opinion that is opposed to their own and instead resort to insults.

I agree. Some people start to get sneery and insult others when the other person has a different view and clearly won't change that view.

A few years ago two people derailed a really good thread and it ended up as a nasty bunfight as they were both convinced they were right.

I find MN far more pleasant than it used to be. I used to find it very cliquey and really brutal.

I've noticed that there's a lot of the same type of threads - was this racist? is it OK to feed my newborn fish and chips? shall I give my dog away because he doesn't match my sofa? I don't know whether these people are thick, trolls or bored.

The good stuff in MN is find in the niche threads where you get a supportive group going and get to know posters.

AIBU is only good for a laugh if you get a good OP and hit the right mood. The "debates" on immigration and racism are sooo boring and regularly recycled.

I've been here for about a year now. One of the boards I go on is relationships. I've noticed over the months that people are being more bold/brutal on there also. It's LTB for almost anything and people will say things like "have you dumped him yet OP?" in a really demanding manner. Then call women a fool if they don't! It was quite a gentle board when I first came here. AIBU has always been known for this kind of thing but I do think it's getting worse. I like a good healthy debate as much as the next person, but some people are just plain nasty.

I agree with the comment that it reflects the general dumbing down of society.

MN used to have a fairly high standard of poster, then the rabble joined after penis beaker and it’s been notably rougher ever since.

I imagine the posters that are unable to have a reasoned debate and then make horrible personal attacks in AIBU are the same type that would be screaming at their kids or neighbours.