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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think MN really is becoming a nest of vipers

179 replies

BeMorePollyanna · 30/01/2019 10:13

Name changed

I reported 4 posts yesterday eve, all of which were deleted. I wasn't on the threads concerned just browsing through them. That's more than I reported in the last 6 months I think. I was also on the receiving end of stupid comments this week because someone CBA to read the thread and decided I'd said something I hadn't.

I know this subject has been covered previously but am I alone in thinking MN has become increasingly unpleasant lately? There seems to be real spite and nastiness.

OP posts:
TrudeauGirl · 31/01/2019 22:14

you see people calling troll a lot and you think you're missing something others can see but you can't. But then you start a thread and oh my god when it happens to you, you're laughing but hurt!

Haha very true. When I was accused of it i was just like "Ooook" Grin

Lydiaatthebarre · 01/02/2019 11:27

I hadn't been on Mumsnet in a while, then re-registered about 18 months ago. I was really surprised at how much it had changed. I used to love the funny, imaginative threads where all the really witty posters would congregate, but they've completely disappeared. Probably because it's impossible to get a light hearted thread going nowadays with the number of sour posters determined to come plodding on and trample all over them. They certainly don't enrich AIBU in anyway, but they seem to be growing in number unfortunately.

JenniferJareau · 01/02/2019 13:04

you see people calling troll a lot

But I wonder why they don't just report the thread? Not sure if it is to warn others not to spend time on the thread or to show off they think they have spotted one Smile

Siameasy · 01/02/2019 14:38

I’ve lurked for years and sometimes look up old topics and the tone is much kinder. People seem very defensive now. I think that’s what social media has done to people.
I hate the sanctimonious replies to things-eg someone could say “someone robbed me and I told him to fuck off” and you can bet someone will come along and say “you shouldn’t swear” or “he probably really needed the money”
People say stuff they’d never say in real life

LadyRochfordsIcedGusset · 01/02/2019 14:46

I don't know Siameasy, some of the old-school crew scared the shit out of me about 15yrs ago.

The MN style hasn't changed much I don't think but the audience has massively increased, therefore there are more GFs lured in and more of the professionally offended, esp millennials now.

But essentially ''twas ever thus.

Polarbearflavour · 01/02/2019 15:01

I take it all with a pinch of salt! I like to post sometimes to get other opinions. I don’t always like the replies but it’s not like they are my friends in real life. Just words on a screen from a random person!

Polarbearflavour · 01/02/2019 15:18

Also - a lot of stuff on here is simply made up.

headinhands · 01/02/2019 15:23

the audience has massively increased

Since v early on or has it happened in recent years?

I feel it's actually quietened down since 2015 ish.

thebeesknees123 · 01/02/2019 15:41

Hi Dawnmumsnet. I do believe the main problem is AIBU. People seem to excuse a lot of awful behaviour by saying this is aibu.

I have reported a lot of nasty threads in the past but not all get actioned if they technically don't break guidelines

Polarbearflavour · 01/02/2019 15:42

Imagine if Mumsnet wasn’t actually full of people posting but bots. And all the usernames were just bots! Grin

#tinfoilhat

NotAnotherUserName5 · 01/02/2019 15:48

There’s often one nasty person wanting an argument or fight on some threads, sadly.

The same can be said for some other website forums I know of too.

All I can think is these people have sad unhappy lives to be so unkind. I feel sorry for them.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 01/02/2019 15:49

I was going to post a thread like this, thank you OP for doing it for me.

What stands out for me is the sharp difference in threads that just were allowed to enter into discussions and sharing opinions vs now which seems to be bunfight galore, even on the most innocuous boards like “Doghouse” or “Telly Addicts”.

It really stood out for me when I was reading threads from 2012/2013 about VBA2C and some recent ones.

Older ones were truly interesting and allowed for gentle debate. The ones from the past 12 months were all like “Do you want the potential death of your baby on your conscience OP, do you?”

I very nearly threw in the towel this week around thread where the poster asked if she was unreasonable to kick away a big dog that flown it’s lead, knocked her toddler to the ground and was standing over the toddler, scaring her. All whilst dealing with a 2w old baby.

The levels of dumbfuckery on that thread were outstanding.

Polarbearflavour · 01/02/2019 15:56

Thing is, people don’t talk like they do on Mumsnet in real life do they?

I doubt that half the events on here have actually happened.

CallMeVito · 01/02/2019 16:06

people don’t talk like they do on Mumsnet in real life do they?
well not to your face, but it's also true that on MN you have an uncensored version and honest reaction. In real life, people won't dare telling you but they think it and tell other people.

There are some nasty trolls, but there are some honest opinion, which don't come as very pleasant because you are not used to hear the truth.

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2019 16:09

Whilst I do agree with you OP, I don't see why you felt the need to name change to post this thread.

IMO, name changing is what adds to the twatty/wankerish problem because people know they can post however they won't (within talk guidelines) and then slip back into their nice, comfy NN that everyone knows and probably loves them in.

It's just the internet, if you believe in what you're saying, why don't you just own it?

Polarbearflavour · 01/02/2019 16:11

But in real life, people don’t walk around thinking about so and so do they? Very few people sit around stewing in their heads because they feel wronged by a particular person or they gave them a funny look or whatever.

CallMeVito · 01/02/2019 16:11

then slip back into their nice, comfy NN that everyone knows and probably loves them in.

I think you grossly misjudged how much people care about other posters Grin No one is so important that their username matters so much

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2019 16:16

Vito, I probably worded it wrong Grin

Perhaps 'respected' might've been a better way of putting it.

Either way, people totally take the piss with the NC function. I understand why it's there, but HQ don't seem to care that people use it to be wankers.

justasking111 · 01/02/2019 16:21

Comments in the media generally are eyebrow raising these days. I was away from here for a long time, when I came back things sure had changed.

KaliforniaDreamz · 01/02/2019 16:26

I think it's just the amount of unnecessary pile ons. it happens all the time!

yeah there have been blunt/cliquey posters in the past etc
and someone will always trot out the 'words on a screen' crap but ultimately if you're invested enough to start a thread on a forum chances are you're going to have some sort of reaction to the posts.

Original poster
BeMorePollyanna · 01/02/2019 16:26

Worra

I name changed because, given the title of this thread I was expecting to get some unpleasant and abusive comments, which thankfully, hasn't happened.

And also because, for personal reasons, i don't want anyone associating my comments here with my parallel existence, which is very focused on one particular subject.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 01/02/2019 16:31

Perhaps we should start a "15 years ago this week" thread and look at how posters were debating similar issues then?

Brilliant suggestion. Would love to see this @fluffyhamster

fluffyhamster · 01/02/2019 16:38

ButteryMuffin unfortunately it would probably be immediately deleted as it would be a TAAT Confused

(actually, I DID look for some, but I think everything earlier than about 2005 has been archived?)

I've been around (with various name changes) since the year dot and I'm afraid the site really has changed a lot, for the worse.

justasking111 · 01/02/2019 16:41

15 years ago this week, I was throwing my toys out of my pram, nothings changed really Grin

KaliforniaDreamz · 01/02/2019 16:56

I suppose just as in real life the majority of people are good, and some are dicks.