To think MN really is becoming a nest of vipers

[BeMorePollyanna]

Name changed

I reported 4 posts yesterday eve, all of which were deleted. I wasn't on the threads concerned just browsing through them. That's more than I reported in the last 6 months I think. I was also on the receiving end of stupid comments this week because someone CBA to read the thread and decided I'd said something I hadn't.

I know this subject has been covered previously but am I alone in thinking MN has become increasingly unpleasant lately? There seems to be real spite and nastiness.

I am tempted to namechange to sparkly tickler now....

When I had just joined Mumsnet I once commented on a thread and I chose my words poorly (nothing insulting or aimed at anyone else) and didn’t fully express what I meant. Well I was absoloutly crucified. The personal attacks and vitriol that day made me delete (or deactivate, can’t quits remember) my account and I was actually very very affected by it. To this day there are many threads that I write a long and thought out response but delete it because of the fear that I will word something slightly incorrectly or what I say will be misconstrued or someone will simple disagree with me and I would be piled on like in that instances.

It isn’t conductive to good conversations and I think is very sad. This could be a much better place if everyone posted more thoughtfully.

the clique has moved to reddit where they can be even more bitchy

That place is just awful, some of them are particularly foul individuals and it's no wonder they were banned from here. My guilty pleasure on occasion is watching adults arguing on 2 separate subs though

I also wonder how much gender expectations about women being 'nice' play into this. What are forums populated mainly by men like when they think someone is BU?

I sometimes start to go down the route of thinking 'well, why should I be nice, just because I'm female?', but then I think of the damage done by men -world wars, the vast, vast majority of violent and sexual crime, harassment, etc, and road accidents that result in death or injury -and I think, "Nah, I don't want to throw off that element of female socialisation. What I want is for boys and girls to be equally instilled with the message of being kind."

And to prove the point, I've deleted this post and then retyped it twice trying to make it flame-proof!

I've been here many years and I have to agree.

There's less humour, far more 'virtue signalling' and a tedious amount of posters who just jump on the bandwagon of whatever the first replying posts say.

The thing I've noticed most though are those posters who jump on a thread to say something scintillating like "Yawn" or "Boring" Obviously I'm agog to discover what topics they consider to be interesting enough to discuss (the wondrousness of themselves, maybe?) but it's so unnecessary and patronising.

Marmaladehandbag

I've noticed that when anyone posts a new thread on AIBU it isn't worth reading the first page as the lurking trolls/men with issues in disguise/journals in disguise/bitches, jump straight on it with their nasty comments. I do wonder what they do all day if they can be the first ones to respond to a new thread. What a shit existence.

I agree. I've been here for 9 years and I've definitely noticed the above more recently.

Agreed! Just read one and I thought wow woman only asked for advice and she was ripped!

It’s reflective of how the population in general is changing, people are less tolerant, right wing politics is flourishing, people are getting nastier. The human race is coming to a horrible boiling point.

Ah, no; I don't see that at all. I think that people, on the whole, are inherently good, with a bit of evil thrown into the mix to keep things interesting.

If you look for the good in people and things, you'll more often than not find it

Robust debate is sometimes positive. I'm new here, but not new to volatile internet communities in general and I have no problem letting the sarcasmos I encounter in such contexts wash over me. I'm desensitized to it, which I'm not so sure isn't a problem in itself.

What did give me particular pause for thought was the trans threads, which seem to have taken on a tone and style peculiar to Mumsnet specifically. These are the most vitriolic ones I've encountered here. There are some members posting measured, sensible views there (often not pro-trans but more reflective in considering the sensitive complexities of the situation) but they are generally drowned out as the threads quickly become incendiary. From a positive perspective, I've personally found these threads to be quite illuminating, for better or worse. But rightly or wrongly, this is giving Mumsnet a broader reputation as a safe haven for transphobia - the same kind of reputation as the Mail Online has for woman-hating. Given the nature of the stances I've seen here, I'm unsure whether this is a reputation they would want or not.

I have hidden every feminism thread on MN because of the vitriol, insults and tendency to jump down the throat of everyone who dares to ask a question or make a comment.

Hello!

We've only just been made aware of this thread, but just wanted to say we're sorry that a lot of you feel the site's a bit mean at the moment.

As several old-timers (like myself ) have pointed out, this is something that does get levelled at us year in, year out...

But if it really does seem like things are especially bad at the moment (and it's not just down to dry January / skint January / January in general) then we need your help to get things back on track. If you see any posts that you feel are particularly nasty or just not in the spirit of the site, please report them - otherwise the chances are, we won't have seen them.

We do a lot of work behind the scenes - sending out behave mails if people repeatedly cross the line, issuing temporary suspensions, etc., to try to keep things civil. We're also more than happy to hop on a thread to remind everyone of our Talk Guidelines. But we rely on you to let us know when things are getting heated, so please do make use of the Report button. It's what we're here for!

I enjoy MN in general and in my egomania have chosen to think of myself as a keyboard healer rather than a keyboard warrior. I can't be arsed to fight and say a lot of "don't worry dear, it's perfectly normal to sleep with your child's teacher and your boss at the same time, it won't bite you in the arse at all".

My delusions are fully intact, just like my hymen.

I also think there’s too many armchair;-
Psychiatrist, lawyers, Doctors etc

For example:-

People telling someone that it sounds like they have a mental health problem, or that based on their symptoms they have xyz. But they don’t suggest, they make it fact. Becaus their neighbours, daughters, boyfriends, mum had the same symptoms and they had that. So they have to go to their GP and demand a load of tests.

Then there’s the armchair lawyers giving out advice as fact. For example the recent one- they can’t sack you for taking time off, you can sue them!

There is just so many comments that read as fact, when in fact they are completely wrong.

Then there’s those that are qualified doctors, lawyers, HR manager, teachers etc. That will give advice and people will tell them they are wrong. They will say I know I’m right it’s my profession. Yet people will still argue.

Same BeMorePollyanna
My feminism is intersectional and those boards are scary.
Best left hidden, but it saddens me that the general public think we all think like that.

Thank you, Mumsnet Dawn!!

Robust debate is ok, if that's youre sort of thing, but a lot of us just fancy a nice chat!! Or advice, without being beaten down.

Anyway.... perhaps i'm jsut getting old...off to make a nice cup of tea...

The majority of us are based in the UK and I think things feel very tense here at the moment. Like waiting for something to snap.

Mainly due to divisions in society over Brexit, anti-immigrant propaganda and people feeling more comfortable saying pretty shitty things out loud, reduction in policing means crime is rising even in naice Home Counties areas and all the uncertainty about the potential for no deal Brexit.

I think this tension is impacting on a lot of people and making them snappier...

@fluffyhamster

"Perhaps we should start a "15 years ago this week" thread and look at how posters were debating similar issues then?"

^ That would be quite interesting!

I think we have been inundated with a few MRAs/TRAs and their supporters, who want to instigate arguments between posters. Some of the comments thrown at victims of abuse, abused women or when discussing abuse victims in the media, is horrible.

As for not liking the strong women who post on the FWR boards, because they centre females, I really don’t care. Women with opinions have never been liked, because they’re not being ‘nice’ to none women.

No one is saying they don't like strong women. And i don't believe women should be nice for nices (sp?!) sake either.
common decency is different.

The human race is coming to a horrible boiling point.

Give over. The data shows we are becoming more and more peaceable as a species. Read Stephen Pinkers work.

I see this sentiment all the time 'it's all gorn down hill blah blah blah.' Based on anecdote. I can see why religious people need to believe it despite the data but otherwise there's no good reason, proves the old adage that you'll always sell more tickets for the ghost train than the 'hook a duck'.

Used to love the Ghost Train to be fair

The data - whatever that is - can be manipulated in all sorts of ways. The truth is people have become ruder, more entitled, less considerate, more selfish and egocentric in my life time. And that is very much reflected here.

The data - whatever that is - can be manipulated in all sorts of ways. The truth is people have become ruder, more entitled, less considerate, more selfish and egocentric in my life time. And that is very much reflected here.

You've trashed your own argument with your own opinion there.

The data is the fossil record of human on human fatalities.

Really? Care to explain how?

And there we have it....

Here's a TED talk where he runs through it in an easy to follow way.

https://www.ted.com/talks/stevenpinkeronthemythofviolence?language=en