To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

the symptoms for many are that of injury/ illness so you’re not wrong op!

What do you mean by “got an IVF baby”? How is that the same as your other examples?

were higher risk pregnancy and the mother will undoubtedly feel more nervous and anxious than a regular low risk one.

I always thought it was an expression used by preg women fed up of being told you can't do this or that.

I guess others do say it though, and I agree, they can have no idea whether the woman is aactually something very disabling as a result of preg.

I think it was supposed to be for pregnant women who didn't feel disabled by their pregnancy.

I've seen it used most often from either men or women who had an easy pregnancy sadly.

Sadly that they're misusing it not that their pregnancy was easy.

I agree with you. 32 weeks into a very tough pregnancy here and tbh it’s given me a whole new appreciation of just how able bodied I usually am. The worry at the beginning was off the scale due to previous losses and episodes of bleeding, then came the nausea and need to see so frequently I couldn’t go out for the day without loo stops every hour. Then I’ve had PGP to contend with and it’s made me feel totally dependant on dh. I can’t sleep because of the pain which I can’t take anything for. I have to use crutches to walk any distance and a wheelchair looks likely in the next few weeks. And I can’t even carry a load of laundry up the stairs. Which is not to say I’m not incredibly grateful to be pregnant. But the physical and mental toll has been immense. I have no idea how people cope with chronic pain, my only saving grace is the hope that this will go away after the birth.

Awkward that sounds incredibly difficult. My last pregnancy was hellish and by the end of it I was hospitalised and eventually gave birth to twins at 26w5 days. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who think comments like "it can't have hurt with 2lb babies!" are okay (erm I had a lifesaving cesarean that was painful due to it being rushed but sure).

Awkward have a look at www.pelvicpartnership.org.uk if you haven't already. It's treatable just not normally on NHS. I go to a private physio recommended on the website and it makes a massive difference. During 1st pregnancy I hobbled in to appt at 31 weeks and walked out pain free

My pregnancy and ivf was very difficult and left me with chronic pain and disabled. So it actually can be a disability. It pisses me off when people use the phrase to berate pregnant women. The last couple of months I was on permanent painkillers, unable to walk without and crutches so I couldn’t go far. A woman came up to me in the street shouted in my face that this was the easy bit. Despite being ivf I wasn’t actually anxious once the pregnancy took hold. Very careful as this was my first and only ever pregnancy but not first ivf treatment.

Whilst I agree with you, for the most part a disability is something that is projected to last at least one year and impact upon your living your life c/w an average person. Iirc this is proscribed under the Equality Act and is certainly the time frame used for blue badges etc.

Yanbu.

I have permanent physical damage to one leg from blood clots in my first pregnancy. I literally was in a wheelchair at 12 weeks pregnant. Yes, I chose to be pregnant, but I didn't choose the life threatening complications that came with it.

My second pregnancy has been a complete breeze in comparison.

Pregnancy is not necessarily disabling but in some cases it really is.

Thanks nutbrown. I’ve looked at pelvic partnership. I had pgp (spd as it was then) with my first 2 dc but nothing like this. With my third I got away with it and thought smugly that I probably would this time too. I’ve had three losses between that pregnancy and this one though and I assume this is my body’s way of telling me that enough is enough. I’ve had a weak back for the last few years and when this started I thought I’d simply put my back out again and that in a week I’d be fine. But no. I’m wearing a support bandage now which I resisted for a month as it felt so wrong around my bump but now it’s the only way I can walk without my pelvis feeling like it’s coming apart. I’ve just posted my own middle of the night thread saying how worried I am at the thought of moving in a few weeks. Usually, even when pregnant, I’m very much a get on and do it person. Being physically unable to do what I want to do has come as a massive shock and it’s getting me down tbh. Seline, you’ve really been through it, I hope your babies are ok now and that you’re on the road to recovery. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. I have a wonderful practice nurse who I feel able to talk to about my mental health but I’m worried that everything’s getting a bit too much at the minute and I can see myself getting very down if I don’t watch myself. We have a scan at the end of the week to see if my placenta has moved up and out of the way, if not it’ll be a c section for me and that terrifies me too

Is every minute of an IVF pregnancy higher risk than ordinary conception pregnancy, or just early weeks?

Awkward if you have to have a planned cesarean try not to worry! I had one with DS1 and it was relatively straightforward and the recovery was fine, quicker than my friend who had a natural birth. Emergency ones are a lot worse as they're trying to correct a problem.

YeOldTrout I think all of it, im fairly sure IVF has higher rates of preterm birth and preeclampsia among other things. I wonder if that's due to older mothers often using IVF? Someone correct me if I'm wrong

Yanbu. I experienced very difficult high risk pregnancy, was very ill, hospitalized, and copped the pregnancy is not a disability from a male relative of my partner at the time. He also followed up with I hope you're not planning on using pain relief during birth, bad for baby blah blah blah. Misogynistic ignorant prick. I did not have the energy or strength to argue with him so ignored him. I also experienced that kind of attitude elsewhere too from both men and women. I felt pretty angry that some people think that just because you're pregnant it somehow doesn't matter if you're ill or injured or exhausted or in pain. Pregnancy takes a toll on the body and some women more than others. Some women still die in childbirth so it's not without its risks. This is known so why pedal this bullshit statement and apply it to all pregnant women. I do wonder why so many women experience being treated with contempt during pregnancy and birth. So many women traumatized by the way the birth went, the way they were treated, lack of control, lack of support, birth injuries etc. The comment used towards women to trivialize their own experience of pregnancy and giving birth seriously pisses me off and because of what I went through (which I've never been able to talk about or even write about it on mumsnet) it also makes me feel distressed whenever I hear it. A character on a TV show or movie said it to others while she was pregnant and they were trying to do things for her. I felt upset almost wanted to cry. I didn't experience people insisting I rest or offering to do anything for me like this character. I feel there is an expectation of all pregnant women to have the get up and go energy and complete independence not needing any help just like this fictional character displayed.

I think the 'Not a Disability' comment is normally made when (some) pg women who don't have any special condition say "I can't walk that far" or "I can't lift" or "I can't clean" or "I must sit down"; ordinary pregnancies don't make you into an invalid.

Sometimes I think the phrase is used harshly on MN, other times it's fully deserved. I've never heard the phrase used IRL and I don't take MN very seriously, so I wouldn't put into energy caring about what's said here.

ocean What a total knob!

I think it applies only when used by the pregnant women herself, in response to people telling her she can't do something that she wants to do and knows she can. For example, if she says she is going to the gym or working late.

I know people are trying to be nice but they can over react. When I was pregnant I had people running over to "help" me with things like lifting one text book! I had a shit pregnancy but even I could do that.

Or I suppose people say it when they see someone using pregnancy as an excuse. For example, someone who says they have to leave work early every day due to pregnancy exhaustion, then you find out they are using the time to go to the gym.

I was a mess during both of my pregnancies. I had to finish work at 6 months with DD1 as I couldn't walk or do much at all!

I've only heard and used the phrase in the context of pregnant women who, once pregnant, suddenly become unable to work, wash up, make a cup of tea!

My first pregnancy was hellish, with multiple hospital admissions and severe pain then a long complicated labour with an emcs, so I do understand that for many women it's no picnic.

But the phrase itself doesn't bother me, because it's true. It's not a disability and it's nothing like a disability, because it will eventually come to an end no matter how unpleasant it is in the meantime.

'Pregnancy is not an illness' on the other hand really pisses me off. It's not an illness but my pregnancy made me feel much more unwell than most of the illnesses I've had in my life.

It's the bit of unspoken "reasoning" that follows it that is the problem - pregnancy is not an illness/disability... so that means you should be able to do everything you did when you weren't pregnant and not feel any worse. I mean even in a totally standard, easy pregnancy you still get really tired. That's like a normal effect of pregnancy. It doesn't have to be something wrong for it to have an effect.