To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

Isnt there something about david Brent from the office along the lines of:

If you dont know anyone like david Brent, its you?

Isnt there something about david Brent from the office along the lines of:If you dont know anyone like david Brent, its you?

Haha

Well given that I went on 4 long haul work trips during my first pregnancy, plus putting in countless late nights to meet deadlines (including at 37 weeks) I'm more than confident that I wasn't a 'lazy babybore' thanks very much.

They probably mean people like me. I worked from home and dropped my hours because I was high risk and couldn't walk much, and was always ending up in maternity A&E due to serious bleeding. Bit of a piss taker. I did have an abruption and my DD was starved of oxygen but...

@MrsBrianWarner

"Second only to people giving opinions on topics they have fuck all experience of themselves"

I don't think you need to experience something to form an opinion on it. To take an extreme example, I've never been stabbed. However, I believe that stabbing people is wrong, and I'm sure I'm perfectly justified to hold that opinion.

In a more local context, I'm a step-father (with zero previous parental experience, hence my presence here...Hi all!) so I've never given birth to, or indeed taken care of a baby. I do, however, have opinions on abortion, childcare etc. none of which I've experienced but surely it isn't unreasonable for me to have an opinion on.

MumlovesToast - agreed. Some disabled people are cunts too. Again it really really makes it difficult for those of us who are genuine and just want some support.

Laurie - they really do exist I promise.

Seline - but that's not taking the piss. I'm talking about someone who phones in sick when they aren't sick, says they aren't sick but the "boss can't do anything as I'm pregnant" then goes out drinking all afternoon/evening, "cheeky week away with the boyf" etc.

IMO this and the “not an illness” line is often used to discourage women from expressing any negative views about pregnancy/our health or seeking adjustments at work.

My MH issue became a much bigger challenge during my pregnancy with DC2, eg anxiety about the pregnancy. At the time I didn’t have a supportive manager so didn’t disclose this.

Well if they're drinking all afternoon/evening while pregnant there are bigger issues there than their commitment to work.

Again, I find it hard to imagine that this person was a model employee before pregnancy and then turned into a massive piss taker while pregnant.

I've experienced this with more than one person. And one wasn't the ideal employee beforehand, no, but another had no real issues but changed completely when pregnant. It was like it was a card to do exactly what they wanted which had an impact on many of us in the workplace.

Pregnancy in and of itself is not a disability but symptoms of pregnancy can be disabling.

I find it an annoying phrase too. Pregnancy can be a total doddle or a complete endurance event, fraught with pain and complications. People should make assumptions either way and need to ask individual women what they feel up to and not judge their answer.

Shouldn't (fucking phone).

@paulhollywoodssexgut what a lovely thing to say, thank you!

Regarding the thing about countries with different levels of respect for kids and families... I'm dying to see what Ireland is like, we're going on holiday in the summer - I grew up in a part of Glasgow known locally as little Ireland and my memory is that people, neighbours and so, were very involved and good to us as kids. When playing out I would have thought nothing of knocking on the door of about 5 or 6 of our (elderly) neighbours and would have been offered at least a biscuit at each one. It was lovely. You had the thing as well where people would stop anyone with a pram and put money under the baby's pillow.
The other place we were pleasantly surprised was Sweden. On the tram, adults including elderly people kept getting up to give our 5yo kids a seat. The places that have the worst attitudes to kids are the ones with the least kids, I've found - we lived in Basel for a few months and I got to the point, we had so much aggressively unpleasant interaction with people on public transport that I started using the car. I even got told off for letting my kids, then 3, use the buggy. "Children that age should be walking." Yeah, and I guess I can just give each of them a shopping bag to carry as well, because I won't be able to carry anything what with having to hold each one's hand. Don't worry, I can wait till I get home to scratch my nose. When we arrived in Germany it was bloody brilliant, people were so much nicer, and also they do a thing here where they basically put the smaller kids, the picnic, the shopping and the eight bottles of Lidl apfelschorle into these wooden trailers and pull them around instead. Totally, totally different to a pushchair

They still do that money-in-the-pram thing sometimes toomuchtooold, had it with my first baby in Maryhill a few years ago.

but another had no real issues but changed completely when pregnant. It was like it was a card to do exactly what they wanted which had an impact on many of us in the workplace.

But some women have very significant health issues when pregnant, as Seline's post makes clear. There may have been lots of problems (and that includes mental health issues) you weren't party to.

Obviously I haven't got a clue. She may be a huge piss taker (they exist everywhere), she may have been entirely justified. However, you can't rule out that there was medical need, no matter what she may have told you.

I was her best friend, believe me, I knew the ins and outs.

It was lovely. You had the thing as well where people would stop anyone with a pram and put money under the baby's pillow.

Can you imagine the thread on mumsnet if someone did that? It would be a cross between 'take him to A&E, money is filthy' and 'log it with 101, they're clearly planning on coming back later to kidnap your child'.

I'm in N Ireland and loads of elderly people over the years, complete strangers, gave my children money. Every time it happened I thought of mumsnet.

Well I don't share all my medical issues with my best friend.

But fine, I believe you. Where does that get us though? You know one women who took the piss while pregnant. I can counter that with 10 who didn't drop a single ball, despite being required to do extensive travel, late nights, presentations to clients after vomiting in the loo.

The problem is that people push themselves too hard in pregnancy because they're so conscious of negative reaction if they push back at all. I had a week of business meetings in Mexico when I was 6 months pregnant. It was really tough and I shouldn't have put myself through that. But I felt the pressure.

It’s such a balancing act. On the one hand, pregnancy isn’t an illness or disability and it’s important to try to remember this and keep active and healthy. On the other hand, it changes your body massively and you may well experience some debilitating symptoms.

I had hyperemesis and basically had to lie down or would be violently sick for the first half of my pregnancy. I was lucky and it eased off by about 20 weeks (thanks medication!) and whilst I was still vomiting a couple of times per day the nausea was much more manageable and I was able to exercise with reasonable intensity up until the end of my pregnancy. And yeah, I did have to tell people ‘it’s not a disability’ when I got comments or disparaging looks for having the audacity to be in the gym!

@LaurieMarlow - I don't think anyone was saying that all pregnant women were shirkers, I'm sure most aren't and only avoid any tasks that are a genuine risk to them. A lot of people, particularly those who work in large offices, however will have experienced one of those described though and they are the ones who are most likely to draw the expression "It's not a disability" which was the point of the thread.

I don't think anyone is denying that pregnancy often involves a lot of complications. I'm fairly certain too that nobody would want a pregnant lady to put themselves or their baby at risk by over-exerting themselves physically.

The post is about those who believe they shouldn't have to get up and make the tea because they're 12 weeks!

I agree with you, Laurie. I've agreed with the majority of things you've said the whole way through. It's the piss-takers that frustrate me and they are out there, as other people have commented too.

And the fact that it's not a disability though can be disabling.

Again, I know someone who has twisted her ankle running and has posted all over social media that she is disabled now, so is using blue badge parking and has asked for a risk assessment at work. She'll be better in a few weeks. These things are why many roll their eyes when disabled people ask for support. Or think that we should lie in bed and never go outdoors.

Hmm it’s not a disability though. I had low blood pressure for both of my pregnancies so I couldn’t stand for any length of time without fainting, it was annoying. I also had the usual physical struggles for the last couple of months too. I wouldn’t say it was the same as a disability though.

I think some women do literally act like they are disabled the moment they fall pregant, I tried to carry on as normal as much as I could, I didn’t expect special treatment.

There are pisstakers with everything but that shouldn't be a reason to deny people their needs

I did expect special treatment ! You're pregnant! I treat other women the same. I get them a chair and make sure they are comfortable.

Pregnancy left me disabled for life.

When I was pregnant with DS2 (22) I had very severe SPD which has never gone away. I was bedridden and on the very few occasions I did go out I had to use a wheelchair. I was left at home with DS1, who was under 2, while DH had to go to work because I was "just pregnant" according to them. I was invisible to my family who had much the same attitude. Thankfullly we had the help of a lovely neighbour.

Even in the years that have followed there have been people we've encountered, including in the medical profession, who have been rude and not taken me seriously because my disability is a result of pregnancy. It took years to be referred to the correct people, I was told the pain was all in my head. I really don't believe that a man, who had injured their pelvis, wouldn't have had the battle.

I didn't expect special treatment but was grateful when people were considerate. Looking at you, CrossCountry train manager, who wouldn't let me take a vacant seat in first class when the train was full, on the basis that people would eventually be getting off at the next stop from Carriage C. I was 36 weeks and had what I thought was rib flare but was cholestasis and was really uncomfortable.

I eventually got a seat, wedged in beside someone who promptly fell asleep because the A/C wasn't working (so everyone was far too hot), and couldn't get out to get a drink and the trolley couldn't pass. Utterly, utterly miserable three-hour journey for everyone, and the extra weight and swollen ankles didn't help in the narrow seats. I cancelled the next week's meetings after that one and WFH until I went in to be induced.

53rdWay this is interesting information, thank you. But I was talking about the times before hospitals. More like the days when women like Elisabeth of York, (the mother of Henry VIII) and Jane Seymour (mother of Edward VI), alongside many other women, "noble" and not, were dying of puerperal fever, and the average life expectancy for a woman was around 30.
But I am probably side-tracking this thread, so I'll pipe down.