To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

To be fair women can be the worst for pregnancy-isnt-a-disability whinging

Pregnancy is not a disability but it disables you.

Pregnancy is not an illness but it makes you very unwell.

I don’t really care what others say or think. I know how I felt and how limited I was during my pregnancies. Others not experiencing it simply wont understand.

Pregnancy is not a disability but it can disable you.

Pregnancy is not an illness but it can make you very unwell.

Fixed that for you.

There is often a joyful outcome yes but unfortunately not always. And women who have had previous losses are likely to be afraid throughout instead of focusing on getting a baby at the end.

I didn't believe I'd actually get my babies until I bought them out of the nicu.

I would say it can be temporarily disabling, and sometimes thankfully rarely lead to permanent disability. But you don’t hear many people claiming that pregnancy is a disability, in the way that you hear “pregnancy isn’t a disability!” being used to mean “shut up”.

Answer the question, please! What is the expectation?!

A bit of human kindness and empathy, I should imagine.

WhyDontYouComeOver

Comparing addiction and skiing to pregnancy really is drinking the misogyny cool aid. Ffs.

Pregnancy is the only way of propagating the species and is the evolutionary function of female humans albeit some women choose not to have children or are childless by circumstance.

Pregnancy itself obviously isn’t a disability but it can cause illnesses, permanent injuries and temporary disabilities.

I had SPD during my first pregnancy, was in constant pain from 20 weeks, could only move in an agonising shuffle and on crutches for half my pregnancy. I was temporarily disabled.

My doctor said this when I wanted time off work for exhaustion. I was carrying twins. F**cker. In that context it was very annoying.

Whynot I WAS going to write it that way but then decided I couldn’t be arsed.

Pregnancy is also a choice

Really? Around half of all pregnancies are unplanned. And even with a planned pregnancy you don’t choose to have SPD or hyperemesis or gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia or postnatal psychosis or haemorrhage or fistula or any of the other things than can go wrong.

Should women all choose not to get pregnant in order to avoid the risk of these conditions? That wouldn’t be great for our species’ survival.

Choice. FFS.

Basically, trying to silence women at a time when they need support and help. I think it’s quite misogynistic actually.

Interesting.

I only ever heard it from IL and friends of DH family as criticism when I was struggling - wanting to go to bed at a decent hour not stay up really with them, wanting to eat normal regular meals not go without all day as it triggered my morning sickness, or not wanting to spend day walking really steep countryside hill climbing with no loos heavily pregnant with suspected placenta previa (– it was ruled out about a week later).

I worked right up to due date and sat exam few weeks after (though they did make allowances as I was bf) and with second we were moving to different part of Uk very soon after. So wasn't like I wasn't busy and carrying on with normal life.

I heard it less in subsquent pg - but that was partly as we didn't let them know till after 20 week scans when triedness and morning sickness had passed plus a lot of things could be ruled out due to older children still being too young.

not stay up really with them - missed late in that - honestly they were wanting us up to beyond midnight to early hours of morning.

If we all chose to not do something on the basis of a small chance of a negative outcome, we'd never drive a car or take antibiotics or play sports.

You'd never say to someone injured in a road incident "Well that's your fault for choosing to drive", so I don't know why people say it about pregnancy I do know, it's becsuse it only affects women.

Pregnancy can be disabling. And you can sometimes develop a disability from the side effects of it.

But it is not a disability. It doesn't last for longer than a year.

Pregnancy is also a choice. Disability is not. It's really offensive to suggest otherwise.

Not everyone was born disabled?????
What about people that fell off a horse and end up wheelchair bound, also their choice. Someone that’s jumped off a bridge, ends up in a wheelchair, again their choice. Car accident? Nobody forced them to drive.
Nobody expects to end up disabled, it’s not a choice it’s something that’s unexpected, that people just have to carry on with.

I think some of it is bitterness from the child-free brigade. They don't want kids, for whatever reason, and of course that's totally fine, no one minds that, but I think some of them feel very put out and uncomfortable when they're expected to make allowances for a pregnant woman. She's a "breeder" and she did it to herself because she's selfish and boring and a victim of the patriarchy and whatever other reasons they come up, can't remember them all off the top of my head.

A road accident is just that, an accident and unknown.

Pregnancy is a choice in the uk, even in unplanned there are still choices. It's also a known that pregnancy comes with side effects and can cause medical issues. You'd have had to have lived in a cave not to know that. Yes it can be not nice in parts but people seem to go into two camps, ones who just get on with life and don't moan and the ones who make nine months seem so very long with the moaning and lack of doing anything.

I was on crutches for a while due to a hiking accident a few years ago. Entirely my own stupid fault for getting hurt really. But I didn’t get anyone complaining that people on crutches are just soooooo whiny and entitled and need to get on with it in stoical silence, weird that.

Also many people have very very limited understanding of how pregnancy is not the same for everyone. “I had a bit of morning sickness and I just got on with it, so I don’t know why she’s in hospital on a drip, must be because this generation are whiny snowflakes.”

My Mother used to say it to me when I was suffering from terrible ‘morning’ (all day) sickness with DC1. “Pregnancy is not an illness”- so why do I bloody feel so ill then?! The symptoms of the first trimester mock that of a sickness bug for many except it’s constant and there’s no relief for weeks. It also doesn’t always end in the first trimester and didn’t for me in two of my pregnancies. I also had SPD in my third pregnancy which definitely is disabling, I couldn’t get out of bed or put my own shoes on without assistance! I also had to crawl up the stairs, it was horrific.

Pregnancy is a choice, and I doubt many people expect it to be a walk in the park. Women get pregnant because they want a child, which is one of the most basic human urges.

However, I'd never even heard of SPD before I got pregnant. Now I can't walk without a painful shuffly waddle. I had no idea how ill I would feel for the first four months. I didn't know how incredibly uncomfortable even normal pregnancy symptoms like tight skin can be. And so I'm choosing not to do it again. Currently though, I am disabled by pregnancy, and very, very grateful it's likely to only be temporary.

people seem to go into two camps, ones who just get on with life and don't moan and the ones who make nine months seem so very long with the moaning and lack of doing anything.

Have you absolutely no understanding that women have very different experiences of pregnancy?

Please tell me you're a man. Bad as your attitude is, I'd be more appalled if it was coming from a woman.

Comparing addiction and skiing to pregnancy really is drinking the misogyny cool aid. Ffs

I was responding to someone who had already compared them, if you care to scroll back.

Not everyone was born disabled

Didn't say that either. Part of my disability came from a sporting accident. I chose to do the sport and put myself at risk, so that part of my disability is entirely my own fault. If I hadn't made that choice, I'd still be disabled but in less pain.

I think some of it is bitterness from the child-free brigade

Nope. I've been pregnant, twice. I'm also disabled. The two are not comparable, even though my pregnancies were disabling.

Pregnancy is still a choice.

It drives me mad. I nearly had a go at a male customer whilst I was at work. I work in a shop and have to stand behind a till all day, I was told by my physio to sit down while at work, because I have a bad back at the best of times and my pregnancy was making it worse, the only thing we had for me to sit on was a very uncomfortable foot stool, I was also terribly sick in my pregnancy and could hardly eat, so had very little energy, this guy came in wanting cigarettes, I struggled to get up with my back and low energy, the guy just turned around and said "oh come on your pregnant not sick" I could have thrown the bloody cigarettes at him.