To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

Pregnancy is still a choice.

Leaving aside all the excellent debate about whether it is a free choice in the circs, why does that even matter?

Am I less deserving of a seat because I made a choice? Should I not be allowed to say I feel ill or tired because I made a choice?

I don't understand the relevance of this, frankly.

People are twats. You're not ill no but it's still a different condition from being not pregnant. It is hard on the body.

Not at all, Laurie. But, some people do use it when they shouldn't. It's unfair on those who are genuinely ill while pregnant and unfair on the disabled. If people could just be honest and decent it wouldn't be an issue, but sadly the world isn't ideal.

TheBigBangRocks

“A road accident is just that, an accident and unknown”
“It's also a known that pregnancy comes with side effects and can cause medical issues. You'd have had to have lived in a cave not to know that.”

It’s also a known that driving comes with the risk of having an accident. People die on the roads every single day. You’d have to have lived in a cave not to know that.

Not at all, Laurie. But, some people do use it when they shouldn't.

Use what when they shouldn't?

Why does it being a choice to get pregnant mean its less deserving of compassion?

Use their pregnancy as a weapon by playing the "disabled" card. Personal experience. It happens.

How would you even know if someone was milking it, unless they told you?

And that analogy is like saying because some people are over zealous about racism accusations that we should never take racism seriously, or homophobia, or sexism.

As a weapon?!

Because they told me?

I agree with you, OP, although I don't have children.

I also think the pain of women is devalued and ignored, that pregnancy and childbirth could be safer experience with much less pain than it is now, if everyone (most of all medical profession) took it seriously, if they thought not only about "healthy baby" but a woman's comfort too.
Currently, all these stories of 48hours labour, midwives refusing to call a doctor or anaesthetist etc make me think pregnant women are treated like meat. This is also one of the many reasons I decided not to have kids, just not good enough moral climate for it, for the above reasons. I'd go as far as to say, midwives as a profession should die out. Birth should be accompanied not by a woman shouting "push", but a doctor and anaesthetist.

Ok, you prob. got more from me than you imagined, but I feel very strongly on that. That phrase - pregnancy is not disability - to me says "shut up, you are nothing special, you are a woman therefore you are born to feel pain". It also puts pressure to prove to others, mind, something (i.e. you don't need pain relief, you can get to that shop even if you are falling over) which is just damn manipulative.

Look, it's clear that you're not disabled, nor have ever been subject to the abuse, ableism and the fight for everything you're entitled to that comes with being disabled.

When someone tells you that now they're pregnant, they can get "this, this and this", as well as take the piss at work, take the piss out of other people, all while admitting you're "absolutely fine" really, but "shhh", it's a little frustrating. And I stand by that it's still a choice. Absolutely no need to be a twat just because of a pregnancy. If you're genuinely ill and struggling, you deserve as much compassion as anyone else. If you're being a twat because you can, when there's nothing wrong, then you're just a twat and you're the type of person that makes it difficult for those who are genuine.

Birth should be accompanied not by a woman shouting "push", but a doctor and anaesthetist.

Doctors and anaesthetists can’t exactly teleport the baby out either, so there’s either going to be major surgery or some degree of pushing. We did lean towards the model of anaesthetising the woman and dragging the baby out with forceps as standard for a while there (although not as much as some countries) but it wasn’t exactly brilliant for either women or babies.

Bloody - i agree. I had a Caesarian and it was difficult. The first thing I said to a midwife was that I was glad. She was shocked. It's like if you make life easier for yourself as a woman it's shameful . And it wasn't easier it's just presumed easier. It is less barbaric the way birth is treated nowadays. It should be a sacred occasion.

YANBU. I had HG and severe SPD when I was pregnant. Vomiting 10+ times a day, in constant pain and unable to walk more than a few feet without the aid of crutches for months on end. I couldn't work, couldn't drive, I became a 'shut in' for the duration of my pregnancy basically. It may not be a disability in the sense that it isn't permanent but it was certainly debilitating.

Surely that’s the same kind of piss-taker who claims every cold is serious flu and so on, WhyDontYouComeOnOver? Find it hard to believe someone who’d happily admit to using pregnancy to utterly take advantage in work setting would have been a devoted and hardworking colleague before getting pregnant.

Use their pregnancy as a weapon by playing the "disabled" card.

I have never, in all of my life, come across a pregnant women who referred to herself as disabled or asked to avail of services solely for the disabled, unless she was actually temporarily disabled by the pregnancy (in the case of SPD or similar).

Or do you mean something different by 'playing the disabled card'?

What I have seen are pregnant women asking for small adjustments to be made to accommodate their changed physical state. For example, sitting rather than standing for long periods, having access to food and drink, avoiding excessive physical exertion, resting when they're too ill to function normally. To me, these are entirely reasonable adjustments and should be par for the course for pregnant women.

Do you agree? Or do you classify any of these as 'playing the disabled card'?

Whydontyoucomeonover? Have you been pregnant?

Birth should be accompanied not by a woman shouting "push", but a doctor and anaesthetist.

I agree but this is an unpopular view.

Look, it's clear that you're not disabled, nor have ever been subject to the abuse, ableism and the fight for everything you're entitled to that comes with being disabled.

I have ADHD and chronic pain which they think is from Ehlers Danlos although they aren't sure yet. So not sure why you assume none of us are disabled.

I agree with everything you've said. Of course they are reasonable adjustments. Unfortunately I've come across more than one person, in the work environment, that have done much worse and laughed about it. It's very frustrating for the genuine people who suffer.

If you read the full thread, Anon, you'll see I've been pregnant twice.

People don’t like children. I’ve come to this conclusion.

People don’t like other people having children, they don’t like annoying toddlers, or babies, or a previously physically active woman struggling due to pregnancy.

I guess the worlds population is still growing so in that respect it’s true that children are unnecessary additions to an already well populated world.

I think reproduction is gradually becoming seen as a luxury choice, not a basic requirement for the species. I think the worlds population will have to shrink quite considerably for society to go back to thinking children are a joy/gift.

I had a Caesarian and it was difficult. The first thing I said to a midwife was that I was glad. She was shocked. It's like if you make life easier for yourself as a woman it's shameful .

I chose a cesarean with my first because I just wanted one. No medical reason. Easiest birth ever (wildly different to my premature birth EMCS).

So what did these people do?

Laurie I totally agree. I have only ever seen pregnant women in my own circles who carry on regardless of their symptoms, for fear of being labelled as “lazy”. Women who work until their due date (myself included), don’t ask for the modifications they need, don’t complain enough!
Whydontyoucomeonover - opinions like yours are oppressive.