To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

You say temporarily disable someone. It can also permanently disable someone.

i just zone out when the tiredness/piles/sickness etc stuff gets raised. I couldn't be less interested to be honest. Just get on with it. If youre unwell, whine at a medical professional or the father of your child about

Gosh, don't you sound just lovely

You're absolutely right it can permanently disable people too.

And yes I do think it's misogynistic. Another way of getting women to shut up.

Anon
You were temporarily disabled. You used walking aids. My gp at.the time of my pregnancy was a misogynistic prick. Amongst other things he let met take ages to get out of the room struggling with crutches and pain hardly able to walk. Id stopped taking pain relief at 38 weeks for 2 days because of risk to the placenta. It took me 20 mins to walk 300 metres. He then didn’t take my chronic pain and fibromyalgia - both not yet diagnosed at that time. He refused my request to refer to pain managemenand prescribed me codeine, which made me constipated and suicidally depressed. Didn’t help with my pain.

Saline: absolutely. A way for men to silence women about the inherent hardships of being a woman! The worst thing is that women buy into this narrative too as they have been so indoctrinated by the oppressive nature of our society. Pregnancy is the most dangerous time in a woman’s life. I almost died during my first birth and several of my friends were in similar life threatening situations due to either their pregnancy or birth.

Sorry I meant seline

Anon both me and DD almost died and DS1 and DS2 would've died had there not been prompt intervention. People think I'm exaggerating when I've mentioned this and one man (it would be a man) told me things like this don't happen any more.

My pregnancy has been pretty straightforward, and I've remained broadly active, but oh my goodness it is also HARD! The nausea and exhaustion at the beginning, the general achiness and massiveness and PGP now in the third trimester - yeah, it is pretty disabling.

I can still walk, but I can't walk miles and miles as I might usually. Definitely can't lift and carry massive stuff without really feeling it later (thanks relaxin), and I wouldn't take that risk anyway. I don't want to be treated as if I m made of glass, and most everyday activities I can continue just with a bit more caution, but actually I do need to sit down sometimes, I do need to be excused from certain tasks. It's a fine line between being lazy/mollycoddled and acknowledging that yes, most pregnant women, even with easy pregnancies, are a good bit less physically able than they would be usually, and there should be no shame or scorn there.

I just don't understand why some people take offence to just being nice to others. It takes zero effort for a non disabled healthy individual to let a pregnant woman sit down or hold the door for her. I've done it and continue to do it for anyone struggling, pregnant or not.

Pregnancy is not a disability.

It can cause temporary problems and it can, on rare occasions, cause permanent disability but pregnancy itself is not a disability.

Pregnancy is also a choice. Disability is not. It's really offensive to suggest otherwise.

What next? The menopause considered a disability?

No but I could definitely see "god, stop whining, menopause isn't a disability^ being the next place our miserable, unkind, misogynistic society goes to.

No one is saying pregnancy is a disability just that it can cause problems that disable someone usually temporarily, sometimes permanently and that to dismiss those issues is very ignorant.

Re it being a choice. How far do you take that? Addiction is a disability that you could argue is a choice. If you lose your legs in a skiing accident, is that a choice because you chose to go skiing? Combat veterans with PTSD and trauma, no one forced them to sign up.

Consenting to an event doesn't equate to willingly becoming injured.

Both times in the first trimester I felt like absolute death. Ill terrible and sick I would throw up on journey to and from work. I didn’t look pregnant and couldn’t tell people either. The first pregnancy I had spd in the last 6 weeks and ended up on crutches which was bad but the illness of first trimesters was way worse.

I’ve never heard it referred to as not being a disability, but have heard it as not an illness. No matter how amazing the reason for feeling like arse is, it can make you feel ill. Getting the tube everyday I heard this a lot, but when you feel nauseous, light headed as you’ve hardly been able to eat and your iron levels are low to name just a few of the joys- I don’t get why people get so adamant that you have no right to want to sit down.

My issue is mainly in relation to what do these people want done in response to their whining?

I will offer a seat but thats it.

I wasnt involved in the decision to conceive, how is any of the whining my issue? Whine at someone who can do something for you like a midwife.

People nearly die every day. People are ill every day. If you visit a hospital, youll find they are full of ill people.

What is the expectation here? For me to follow pregnant women around with a sick bag? Its just so tedious. And so self absorbed and farming out self responsibility to everyone else. I wont buy into that.

If you want a seat, ask for one. If you are ill, see a doctor. Its the same as any other temporary condition that needs to be managed.

What is the expectation here? For me to follow pregnant women around with a sick bag?

yes, yes that is exactly what you are being asked to do. All pregnant women want and in fact demand this on a daily basis. Not from everyone, though, just from you.

Answer the question, please! What is the expectation?!

Yes, pregnancy is a choice. Yes, addiction is also a choice.

If you join the military or go on a skiing holiday, you are risk-taking, so a choice. The injuries aren't choices, putting yourself in that position in the first place is. Same as things like lung cancer through smoking, heart attacks through obesity etc.

The people I really feel for are those who just get ill. Or those who are born disabled. No risk taking, no choice, no fault of their own. But that's a different story really, isn't it?

Pregnancy is still not a disability, even though it can be temporarily disabling.

Most just ask for a seat now and then, and are often met with it’s not an illness.

Pregnancy is also a choice.

This is another phrase used to shut pregnant women down. Well you chose to get pregnant, so I don't have to offer you a seat.

It's also a totally unhelpful statement. Given the biological and societal factors at play, who can say how 'free' a choice it is. And before someone says it, of course disability is 'not a choice' in a much more serious and less ambiguous way than pregnancy. But that doesn't mean that it's ok to dismiss pregnancy as 'a choice'.

Pregnancy is not a disability, that's correct. However a pregnant woman is in a different physical state to a non pregnant, able bodied person and accommodations should be made.

In a sense, this is a problem of language. We use the language of illness and disability because clearly the word 'pregnant' does not have enough impact to convey what's going on in a woman's body.

What is the expectation here? For me to follow pregnant women around with a sick bag?

As I see you already offer pregnant women a seat, the only thing I'd ask further is to stop being such a douchebag about it in a general sense.

Less reference to pregnant women 'whinging' would be a good start.

Yabu

I hate this phrase.

I agree with those who say it's a misogynist way of getting women to be quiet. The fact is that being pregnant, even in the most straight forward circumstances is much easier than getting your own biological child without having to be pregnant, which is what the child's father has. Men in general have no right to comment on whether pregnancy is or isn't a disability or is or isn't hard.

Some pregnancies cause real problems for the mother which can amount to a temporary or permanent disability.

And often, the fact of having been pregnant takes such a toll on the body that it's worthy of note for the rest of the woman's life.

One thing though is that pregnant women who feel fine need to stop saying this themsleces. There's no need to be rude if someone offers you help or their seat or whatever. If it even might put people off being considerate to another pregnant woman (as many claim it does) it does everyone a real disservice. Plus it's rude to snap at someone who's try ing to be kind!

Answer the question, please! What is the expectation?!

Well okay then, it’s a choice: you are expected to either a) lay off the misogynistic berating of pregnant women as endlessly ‘whining’ and ‘boring’ if they ever mention anything negative about pregnancy in public, or b) you can follow me personally around with a sick bag all day. Up to you!

Who is saying that pregnant women shouldn't be offered a seat? Pregnancy can be shit!

Still not a disability though.

I had terrible pregnancies. People say "I nearly died" but I really did nearly die with ds.

That being said, it is not a disability. You can develop health conditions, you can feel absolutely rotten, huge, feel like you're 90 years old etc etc BUT there is a joyful outcome. It is often a bumpy (boom boom!) road to a wonderful thing - unlike being saddled with a permanent disability.

Furthermore, quite a lot of people have had a baby and to hear some pregnant women being very special and very delicate when they are not displaying any out-of-the-ordinary symptoms is somewhat annoying. Eg dh's dn who simpered at a family gathering with a buffet, "Is there a special pregnancy meal for me?" Eh? Just give the out of bounds stuff a swerve.