To find the phrase "pregnancy isn't a disability" irritating

[Seline]

Disclaimer: I'm sleep deprived so could be being sensitive.

I keep seeing and hearing this every time someone pregnant complains about how hard it is. Recently saw it commented on an article about a pregnant woman in a hospital waiting room who had to sit on the floor because no one offered her a seat. Apparently as she's only pregnant and presumably chose to be so, this is fine.

AIBU to find this irritating? Plenty of people have complicated or high risk pregnancies. You don't know by looking who has preeclampsia, or a weak cervix, who's got an IVF baby, who's had multiple miscarriages, who's got severe backpain, who has an autoimmune disease, I could go on. There are so many reasons someone might find pregnancy a more difficult time than the standard textbook experience yet I see so much venom directed at pregnant women.

It's not me is it, the phrase is ridiculous?

Personally I think anyone who won't offer their seat to a visibly pregnant woman is a complete arsehole. It may not be a disability but it's bloody uncomfortable and tough on your back, legs and feet.

Blue - exactly. It's not an illness (therefore don't complain)

Seline for what you went through and for starting this thread. It's good for women who have been shamed by comments like pregnancy is not an illness or disability when it is usually completely unwarranted to be able to speak up about it. The man who said it to me said it because I had just been in hospital for a few days. I didn't whinge, whine or even bring it up. I answered someone else who asked me about it. This man interjects with this inappropriate statement. Hmm doctors often admit pregnant women to hospital just to indulge her I'm precious for being pregnant let's put a drip in her and pretend she has an illness Fwiw I've never ever met a pregnant woman claiming that her pregnancy is an illness or disability. I have seen women being shamed for needing to rest or take care of themselves plenty of times. I have known someone from the moment she conceived be extra careful because she had a number of miscarriages and so desperately wanted to have a baby with her husband. I have known too many women treated as if they are acting precious when clearly they are not.

Seline
midwives obstructed the consultants plan I had in place and as a result my daughter was starved of oxygen and nearly died, and I was bleeding to death what a horrific story. Sadly, it sounds familiar, like somehting I read far too often. Did you raise a complaint against that midwife?

See, people get away with a lot just because 1)a woman in pain can't stand up for herself and 2) if she lives she's just so happy the baby is born and well too, and that is all that matters. Plus exhaustion etc and no time to write an angry letter.

I understand that some manage to have a vaginal birth with no complications for themselves and a child. This is great (although nobody's achievement, just good luck). But it's not the only way to do it, and, as women give birth later and later in their lives, more thought must go into making it easier and safer for them, and if that means medicalising birth then hell yes.

Ocean ! Yes ! I had to stop work with twins ar 30 weeks. It wasn't enough. They were born healthy and I was well rested. I will take up as much space as I need for my babies and I. I will not back down and squash myself to a teeny tiny place . Fuck that

The post is about those who believe they shouldn't have to get up and make the tea because they're 12 week

And in my experience there are very few of those. Yet they're the ones who are talked about, rather than the many who go above and beyond or who struggle with genuine issues.

So we create this narrative that pregnant women are lazy pisstakers and that sticks.

You're not wrong op.

I fell pregnant unintentionally and love my dc to bits but that pregnancy was so debilitating, and I have lasting effects from it (back pain and sciatica) that I will never have another child.

It might be an entirely planned state, it is also temporary, but that doesn't mean that it is not (if only briefly) somewhat disabling.

YANBU. I had two easy pregnancies. But even I can see that, had my symptoms been worse, it would be debilitating.

Medicalising birth as appropriate is fine, it saves lives, but it’s not a case of having medicalised birth or midwives. The midwives are the ones doing lots of those medical procedures for a start.

I can understand BloodyDisgrace why you don’t see the point of midwives if you genuinely think they’re just women who shout “PUSH!” and can’t do anything else in birth other than get in the doctor’s way. But this is way off the mark both in terms of what midwives actually do, and what sort of things need to be done during birth - it’s not a case of “either surgery or natural drug-free birth with nobody else assisting”.

I got tutted at by someone at work for getting the lift rather than the stairs once. Actual literal tutting. I was in my 3rd trimester, had hellish hip pain which she wouldn’t have known about, and always took the stairs before being pregnant because I hate lifts, but sure you loudly disapprove away total stranger. Sigh.

as someone who ended up 2 stone lighter after I gave birth than I was when I was weighed at first midwife appointment due to HG and still have long term back problems from SPD I heartily agree with the OP.

Pregnancy for me was grim. The only good thing was that work were totally understanding as I was signed off for most of it. Plus my DD at the end. Never again though.

PBo83
I'm fairly certain too that nobody would want a pregnant lady to put themselves or their baby at risk by over-exerting themselves physically

Ha, I am not certain at all. Think about such arch-important issues as bosses, deadlines, production, "not letting others down" (as if these non-pregnant others are made of glass and need constant support from someone who's barely moving), 'team spirit" at work and even distorted feminism of "show them you can do it!" It takes a strong defiant person to say "get lost" and look after Number 1, i.e. themselves, and that's not the many.

I had to sign off work. I was asked by someone to grab a pen from
Upstairs ...

Laurie, again I agree, but that's the same with disabled people too. Because some have taken the piss, now all disabled people are benefit cheats, frauds and don't deserve support. Of course, most sane people know that's not the case.

It takes a strong defiant person to say "get lost"

yes to all of that. And it’s very hard to push back and say no when you’re already worried your job’s in jeopardy, as a lot of pregnant women are.

Laurie, again I agree, but that's the same with disabled people too. Because some have taken the piss, now all disabled people are benefit cheats, frauds and don't deserve support. Of course, most sane people know that's not the case.

Oh I totally agree. You see this attitude time and time again on here and it's disgusting.

In both cases, I think its cultivated because it allows the healthy, able bodied patriarchy to not give a shit.

I am shocked at some attitudes towards pregnancy on here.

No!!! It is far from always a choice, merely a consequence of sex, and I know many who this happened to despite being responsible with precautions and family planning.

Once you're pregnant, or even with an ectopic say, it can and does kill women, never mind the oftentimes disabling aspect of pregnancy.

I wholeheartedly agree that women shouldn't be shut down over it nor made to feel disabled, or the feeling and actual disability being minimised and reproached for those without any empathy.

There are many aspects to pregnancy, with huge associated risks. Its disgusting that any women should be prevented from having physio purely because she's pregnant, that's discrimination, as if she had that condition when not pregnant she would go on the list for physio.

What is it with bitter people that can't try to just be kind to someone who might be struggling or even at risk, like bleeding, can't stand up or will faint.

Yes, ask, say I feel faint, I need to sit down, there ar e even nominated seats on trains for the purpose.

Pregnancy should be a happy time, but for many its a very risky one, and some women kill themselves with pnd, without help. Its also undoubtedly the case that we do battle on through, despite immense pain or sickness without treatment or care, but that shouldn't have to happen.

Women do have 'more' choice about pregnancy, but it is them that can say I need to sit down, I am disabled by an aspect of pregnancy, I do deserve physio for relief of chronic disabling pain, or support with mild to severe mental illness. Put and shut up should be totally off the menu. So should preaching youre not Ill/disabled
Babies are born with disabilities and some are caused through delivery complications, is that all part of the same bloody 'choice'!!! Jeez!!! Well I had the baby so I'd better shut up double down and just get the fuck on with it, well no, some kindness and support from the community would make life a lot more tolerable all round, for everyone.

There are also manyndegrees of disability, and having one doesn't discount others! Like the pp said about having a degree, but I've got a PhD...its not a competition and if you are suffering, you are suffering! Early stages of pregnancy can be very fragile; all women are very aware of the raised likelihood of their baby dying in the first trimester, others trivialising that is shit. Your baby dying is a big deal and is also an aspect of pregnancy.

Tbh I think the attitude comes about through lack of talking, and trivialising and minimising it, making it all mundane.

BloodyDisgrace were taking legal action against the hospital as it's probable it amounts to negligence. We don't know what effect it's had on DD. She had tremors and we don't know whether that's something she will grow out of or is an indication of problems.

Oh Seline so sorry to hear that, what a worry

We have good news in that she's passed her eye and hearing test and her brain scan was clear so she appears fine but she's being monitored as they aren't able to say for sure whether the tremors are related or just one of those things

Oh goodness, I really hope so. Poor little love and you, such a worry. Fingers crossed, all is looking good so far!

Thank you. We are just grateful to have her home. We were told at one point she was the most critical baby on the nicu and she was expected to pass within hours and they were expecting to have to try to defib her, and that we should prepare ourselves. Thankfully she survived. She went on to have several more scares before coming home so whatever she has we are just happy she made it.