To not want to date religious guys?

[LadyandGent]

I'm irreligious.

Am I being a bit previous for dismissing a guy because of his religion?

YABU!

I’m pretty agnostic and ended up marrying a minister

I think it's perfectly reasonable and I excluded anyone who went to church or the equivalent regularly when I was dating.

It might have worked but it was another area of too many (to me) issues.

I wouldn't date someone religious. I am very anti-religion and it would cause too much trouble!

Not at all. That was one of my requirements when I was dating. I'm an atheist so would be incompatible with a religious man. As a feminist too, I imagine his attitude to women would be influenced by religion and that's a big fat no from me.

What do you mean by "previous"? Is it a helpful predicted text and you meant "precious"? :)

No, previous is a word that means am I thinking ahead of myself.

I just know thought that I can't be with religious people. I've dated two in the last six months, and it's just not for me. I feel judged constantly.

I think the OP may have meant "previous" as in jumping the gun and dismissing him without getting to know him.

It's one of my criteria, OP. Experience has taught me that I'm best matched with people who are tolerant (ish) of religion, not religious themselves, and not Atheist with a capital A. It's part of my fundamental world view and I'd rather not have a partner who differs too much on it.

It depends! I don't believe in God but DH does (Catholic). He has his faith which is personal to him. But he doesn't go to church or anything like that. It works fine.

If they’re judging you then they’d probably have been judgemental arseholes regardless of whether they were religious!

It depends - 'religious' can mean lots of things.

Not everyone who attends church/mosque/temple/synagogue will go on about it, try to convert you, nor will they even necessarily believe in God.

If someone makes out it's a massive part of their life, maybe they're not the one for you if you find religion difficult to deal with, but otherwise I'd give them a chance.

I wouldn't date someone whose religious beliefs were very different from mine. Too many different priorities.

I wouldn't date someone whose religious beliefs were very different from mine. Too many different priorities.

Me too. Church is important to me and I wanted that in a partner as well.

I'm a Christian, and wouldn't date a non-Christian. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Why add any more potential difficulties into a relationship? Each to their own though.

Yab a bit unreasonable. It depends how important their religion is to that particular person isn't it? I'd loosely consider myself to be catholic, I'm from a catholic family... I do believe in God. My husband is an atheist but weve honestly never had problems because although our beliefs around God differ, our belief that you shouldn't force your beliefs on another is shared. So we dont clash over it.

I think it's fine to feel like that.

Dealbreaker for me too.

If everything else was “perfect” would it really matter if they believed in god and you don’t?

Did you have someone of a specific religion in mind or is this just a general principle that you are wondering about?

Some people might claim to have a religion but what they mean is that it's their cultural inheritance rather than something they actually believe in. That would have to be clarified. Also religious people can sometimes be attached to a community that isn't tolerant of liaisons outside the religion which can complicate matters even if the guy himself is open to the idea.

I noticed quite recently on an online dating website that far more people were calling themselves 'spiritual' than 'religious' or 'atheist'. I think saying no to people who describe themselves as spiritual might restrict the size of your dating pool in a way that saying no to 'religious' people wouldn't.

I think it’s easier if your beliefs are largely aligned. I’m a practicing Christian and very active in church (ie my religion is a big part of my life, not just a box I tick on a form) my fiancé is agnostic/atheist and it is a challenge. I’d love him to find faith but I also love him as he is and don’t need him to change - it would be easier if he was a Christian too though. If you have very different beliefs is probably easier not the start something.

I’ve also never heard/seen the word previous used in this way, is it a regional dialect thing?

Atheism is one of my core values. I can certainly be friends with a religious person, but I would never partner with one.

I'm Christian and was married to a Muslim..
I would not date anyone who didn't have a faith or who didn't believe in God.

Maybe YANBU. I’m Christian and have many Christian and Muslim relatives. I know I couldn’t be in a relationship with a militant atheist but I’d be ok with someone of a different religion or none as long as they could respect my beliefs and be ok with me going to church and being active in my faith and as long as they could be respectful towards everyone and not mock or be rude to people with faith. I’ve definitely come across atheist people who are vociferous in their condemnation of people with faith and similarly the opposite, religious people who are very outspoken and rude towards atheists. To be honest I couldn’t be with either! But the point remains, it’s a criteria that other people use when choosing friends and relationships. I think it’s ok that it’s a deal breaker with you, it is for many and if religion makes you feel uncomfortable then it’s understandable that you’d actively avoid religious guys.

It is possible to be religious and not judgemental and also to be not religious and judgemental...are these guys really judging you or do you just feel judged? Do you assume religious people will be judgemental or are these religious men actively being judgemental? I’d struggle to be with someone judgemental too.

It's the particulars of the belief for me. Telling me they're Christian, or Muslim or Hindu doesn't tell me much. I need to hear how they interpret the faith.

I don't believe in God.
I've met Christians who believe in a being who sounds just wonderful. A being I wish I could believe in. It inspires them to do beautiful, charitable things.
I've met Christians, who despite learning about their God from the same source text, appear to believe in a judgmental, sadistic arsehole.
I've met many shades between, of various faiths,

I could be the former, despite not believing in their God.

I agree with you. There are fundamental differences in "values" and often ones that aren't healthy. Despite being an atheist, I have a strong moral code about not screwing people over, stealing, deceiving etc. Many religious people share these values but then decide that sex or masturbation are shameful or that you're going to hell for not attending church etc. So in my experience, the values differ in really unhelpful ways and thus I won't be dating anybody religious.

I believe in God, my husband was on the fence for years, it didn’t really bother me but he’s gradually started to believe. He never talks about it really, he just says “there has to be a God”, and has told me that in dark times he prays.