To not want to date religious guys?

[LadyandGent]

I'm irreligious.

Am I being a bit previous for dismissing a guy because of his religion?

My breeding days are gone now, but if I was looking for a life partner to marry and have kids with I would also want to know his family's attitude to religion. My ex was "not bothered", didnt believe but wasnt particularly anti either. However I then had 10 years of pressure for a church wedding followed by argument after argument about getting the kids baptised because his mother wanted it to happen. He said why not just do it to shut her up, I said no way. She even tried to arrange it behind my back. I went CRAZY.

I would be asking about his family too.

He would never force me to wear one or to not eat pork. That last was said as if that was something reasonable. Not that to demand those things would be extraordinary
Yea....they make it sound like they're doing you a favour or being generous by 'allowing' you to do the everyday normal things you were doing before you met them

You need to think about what kind of life you don't want OP - and for any future dc you may have.
What are your dealbreakers?
What's your limit re compromise?
How do you want your dc to be brought up?

I'm from a muslim background but i rebelled against it and the culture from a very young age.
I prefer to live a spiritual way of life rather than a religious one and i'm very happy.

I decided when i was still in my early teens that i would never marry a muslim man because I hate and will never make the kind of compromises needed for it to work.
I value my freedom, independence and peaceful life too much.

YANBU

I recall a thread on here where the DH had found a religion and unilaterally decided that the whole family should follow it. When the MNer objected and said that he didnt want her indoctrinating her children she was accused of not showing respect to his religious beliefs.

I would love to know what happened as, irrc and very ironically, divorce was not an option in his new religion, despite his behaviour making it more and more likely.

I would find that much harder I think. At least if you go into it with a commited *insert belief system here.... then you know what you are getting into. But when someone suddenly becomes religious when your previous life was based on your joint lack of belief, how the hell does that work?

Oh and "being a bit previous" is perfectly normal language here too.

Athiest and id never be with a religious person.
I see religion as inherently sexist.
I see relationships as equal, a partnership
Religion, no woman is equal when its down to the real pointy end.
Dp is also athiest

First, let's get the 'previous' point out of the way. It's not regional, it's absolutely in common usage. The link is missing from the definition provided below but it is in fact from the OED online.

So, the thinly veiled sneering at 'regional' is not necessary. It's about having a strong grasp of language. Some might say it's about education, but that would be just as sneery as saying its regional.

'What wedding ceremony lasts less than an hour': well, the vast majority of them! Some people choose to add a mass or religious service to their wedding ceremony, but it's usually not part of the ceremony. An Anglican or catholic ceremony,for example, takes only a few minute. It's the 'I do' bit. The rest,of people do it, is a mass. But it's not necessary to the marriage ceremony.

A normal non religious ceremony takes a couple of minutes, usually strung out with some music or poetry or readings etc.

And to the substantive point: if someone believes in a god or gods and you don't, I can't see how there can be mutual respect, even without the difficulties that would arise in many relationships. Could you really love someone whose beliefs are so at odds with yours?

You could have fun being 'irreligious' with a religious man as long as you don't let yourself be too serious about him. I'm not sure it would be ethical though.

I think saying no to people who describe themselves as spiritual might restrict the size of your dating pool in a way that saying no to 'religious' people wouldn't

God I’d rather date a laissez-faire CofE vicar than a “spiritual” guy. I have mental images of self-obsessed Yoga Men, and being forced to “eat clean”.

And no I wouldn’t date somebody who thought that not hitting women was worthy of comment, and thought they were being massively liberal by “not forcing me” to wear a hijab.

God I’d rather date a laissez-faire CofE vicar than a “spiritual” guy. I have mental images of self-obsessed Yoga Men, and being forced to “eat clean”.

Actually you have a point! :o

I don’t believe in God and couldn’t date someone seriously who did. I wouldn’t want my children indoctrinated into religion or spend hours of educational time learning about it. Also deep down I feel like religious people are either a little crazy or stupid to believe in such a fantastical story.

I'm an atheist, and I'm anti religion of any sort. I couldn't date a religious man , it would cause too many problems.

Yanbu

Of course you can't! That is the ultimate divide in regards to shared values, culture etc

I could never even be friends with someone who had religious beliefs

Yanbu. It's a deal breaker for me too.

If everything else was “perfect” would it really matter if they believed in god and you don’t?

To me, yes, because it would not be the case that everything else was perfect. There is something about the mindset of someone whose answer to the great questions of the universe is "god". Now in a friend, that's fine. It's better if we all get along. But in a partner, that slight sense you get that you're misguided in your lack of belief is wearing. You can see this in some of the comments here from believers hoping their atheist partners will change.

Religion runs through people, even when they think it doesn't. So no, it would not be the case that everything else was perfect. Some of the superficial things might seem to align reasonably well, but it wouldn't be perfect but for the religion. Too bit a "but" IMO.

big a but.

I would’ve avoided religious men too but ended up marrying one, albeit he wasn’t quite so outwardly religious when he met me, he’d chilled out a lot. We did the church wedding and baptisms and he still goes to church when he can be bothered. I have done too but don’t consider myself religious, however I do think the core of Christianity is a pretty good message - when you strip out the “man made” crap.

I wouldn't date a religious guy either. I would find it difficult to respect someone who believes in (what I consider to be) fairy stories. I'd also want my views on religion aligned with whoever I have children with.

OP's use of previous is completely normal, as the OED entry shows.

I have a mum friend who has religious beliefs. She tried to get me to enrol my dc in the holiday bible class her kids go to, gave me leaflets directing me to prayer groups, little things like that. I usually say something noncommittal, "I've already booked dc in something else" or "not for me thanks" but I did find it annoying. She seems to have stopped now without anything stronger having to be said, but why do it in the first place? I haven't tried to make her see it from my POV, why should she try to make me interested in her religion?

In a partner you might be planning children with? Nope. And tbh, if he started looking up his horoscope or declared it unlucky to put up an umbrella indoors, I would be thinking "I'll get me coat". Discordant beliefs are likely to cause all manner of breaches I think. (Fortunately DH also agrees that cats are awesome, so we swerved another stumbling block there )

A bit previous. Everyday language usage in my experience although, thinking about it, don't think I've heard it north of Watford.

Maybe "previous" is a regional thing? It sounds a bit extra to me

The user of previous is fine, I'm not convinced by that way of using extra though

I'm VERY north of Watford @longwayoff and I've heard it.

Although the use of user in my post is totally wrong

I'm atheist and my husband is C of E. He doesn't try to push his beliefs on me at all and I have no problem with him going to church.

I guess whether it can work depends on the individuals involved. I don't think you should rule someone out based solely on whether they class themselves as belinging to a particular religion in the first instance.

Where are you meeting these men? What makes you want to go on a date with them? "The latest was a Muslim". Where, how did you meet him? I think you may be going about dating the wrong way.

I don't like fundamentalists of any type, be it religious, atheist (because some are as bad as the worst of religious behaviour), political beliefs, going to the gym, diet etc. I think the arsehole comments upthread summed it up rather well.

Someone who is religious/ agnostic/ atheist in their own way who don't impose it on me and dismiss my own beliefs, fine.

It's like the difference between living with a vegetarian who accepts that you will eat meat and adapting around eachother, and one who is intolerant of your meat eating arrangements.

Some religions/ sects are by default more staunch than others. CoE is likely to be fine and that's down to personal practice unlike a church like JWs where regular attendence, converting others, and having a family that conforms is an expectation of the church and the church expects to come first.