To not want to date religious guys?

[LadyandGent]

I'm irreligious.

Am I being a bit previous for dismissing a guy because of his religion?

Buddhists can have their dark side too tbh

You don't need any reason to not date someone.

Just, that you don't want to.

No excuse or reason necessary.

Why wouldn’t you have anything in common? I know a Vicar who is married to an atheist (and she’s an absolutely brilliant Vicar’s wife, Sunday mass aside) and a devout Catholic who is married to an Orthodox Jew. Both happy, successful marriages. Vive la differènce, I say!

"The only one I'd probably consider would be Buddhism"

It has many different branches, some of which are closer to a system than a religion. Zen Buddhism is very interesting, but still a bridge too far for me.

We briefly discussed it, he said he has never hit a woman (I mentioned extreme Islam condoning violence against women) and only one of his 4 sisters wears a hijab. He would never force me to wear one or to not eat pork. That last was said as if that was something reasonable. Not that to demand those things would be extraordinary.
I could probably date a lapsed Catholic like myself, as I would understand that we had little choice in the religion we were brought up in, and have now chosen to leave it. But I couldn't date a religious Catholic (haven't come across one of them in years).

Some people just get quietly on with their religion, others seem to make a big song and dance about it, no need to advertise to all and sundry what your religion is, like some do.

I realise that people get great comfort from religion. But the religious ones I've dated try to convert me. That ain't happening honey. I'm too old, too wise and too damned cynical.

I guess the other side of it was, he has a 3 year old dd, so I just couldn't sit idly by and watch her being indoctrinated and keep my mouth shut. It was bound to be a non runner.

Yes I would hate to date someone who felt they had to convert people , but how would you feel about a man who had some broadly Christian or Muslim or whatever beliefs that didn't really impact on their everyday life?

That's a fair point actually - Abrahamic religions (Christian, Judaism, Muslim, and various smaller ones) are the ones I've truly averse to. The Great Sky Beard ones with all the associated misogyny, brutality and authoritarian creed. Sure, technically they're all about being nice to people, but that's not how it works out on a large scale.

Buddhism, Shintoism, lightweight animist stuff - not bothered by them so much, so more of a case by case basis.

I mean your not unreasonable for not dating a religious guy if you don't want too. I'm Christian and will probably date/marry a Christian, if they're not they'll need to be tolerant/respectful and accepting of the fact that I am and that I would want my children brought up as Christians as well.

OP you're not oiged to date anyone and can rule out anyone you want.

I think long term a big religious difference runs the risk of driving.a wedge between you. He wants a church wedding and to christen the kids, you want to get married in the woods by Elvis and def no christening. He wants to go to church e ery Sunday, you want to go out as a family to the zoo etc..

I see no issue with this. If someone is religious it's an important part of their lives.
I wouldn't want a life partner who had a very different world view to me. It's reasonable to want to be compatible and different religious views is part of that. What if you had kids? One parent telling the kids their religious teachings, the other telling them it's not true... Makes sense to me that you'd want someone on the same page as you

For me, yes there is that. But I guess the prevailing issue I have is the unquestioning following of religion. I'm not going to say exactly what I'm thinking as it will come across as arrogant, but I just can't respect anyone who follows religion in this day and age.

Love is love .

YANBU OP.

I was in a 6 month relationship years ago with a Christian (I am an atheist), there were other under-lying issues to why we split up but the biggest reason was his faith.

If I wanted to meet up with friends etc on a Sunday he could not because of church, I really hated having to say Grace at dinner or listen to prayers etc. He resented me because I rarely came to church. His family was mega religious too, I went to his sister's wedding and the ceremony dragged on for about an hour (hymns, prayers etc).

Could not hack it anymore, married to an atheist now and its soooo much better.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have the same 'core values' as someone you date, whether those values are atheism, an 'established' Faith (Christian, Muslim, etc), or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. For most of us, we look at 'dating' as a precursor to a more serious relationship and naturally we want to be 'walking the same path' as our partner. Why waste your time dating someone whom you wouldn't seriously consider for a lifetime commitment?

I wouldn't date someone who didn't believe in God and the Trinity. I wouldn't care if he was Catholic, Anglican, Methodist or Lutheran, we'd still share the same 'core beliefs'. But as a non-church going Christian, I probably wouldn't get involved with a Christian who was extremely 'invested' in regular church attendance since I'm a CEO Christian (Christmas and Easter Only).

My first husband was of a totally different faith than I was and he resented my beliefs and actively tried to 'indoctrinate' me into his. It wasn't the only reason we divorced, but I swore I would never make that mistake again.

The big issue for me would be if you want kids. Bringing up kids with a partner is easier if your values and views are fairly close. But one of you is religious and one is not, the whole issue of what part religion plays in your kids upbringing can become a nightmare.

I’d never date a religious man. I’m not even sure if anyone I’ve dated ever even ‘had’ a religion.

I'm an atheist. I have never believed in a god. I literally have no idea what people mean when they say they have faith or god speaks to them or god is a part of their lives. I have no understanding of what that feels like.

So , whilst I can be friends with people who have religious views I couldn't have a partner who was religious. I couldn't relate to that part of his life which would be unfair to both of us.

I don't really see it as that much different from other incompatibilities. I have no interest in sport, either watching or playing it. The great outdoors is a bit of a bore (one hill or mountain looks much like another) so a rugby playing, munro- bagger and I might be the best of friends but I'd have pretty miserable weekends and holidays if I was expected to take part in , or even show an interest in these sort of activities.

Politics I could compromise to a limited extent. I wouldn't go much farther to the right than say a Ken Clarke or an Anna Soubry. On the left- I'm a Blairite. I couldn't have a relationship with a Corbynista or a member of Momentum. Anyone supporting Scottish independence is a no too.

That’s a bit odd @BloodyDisgrace. I’m a lifelong Catholic and it hasn’t influenced my views on women.

Nope. But then I see religion as a form of madness

“I went to his sister's wedding and the ceremony dragged on for about an hour (hymns, prayers etc)...” Sorry, but what wedding ceremony lasts less than an hour?

Registry office weddings I have went to have been about 15-20 minutes long.