To not want to date religious guys?

[LadyandGent]

I'm irreligious.

Am I being a bit previous for dismissing a guy because of his religion?

I think it’s important to have broadly similar beliefs, I have a strong faith and attend Church regularly and am involved in Church life; my DH does believe in God but does not attend Church weekly, but of course he respects and supports my views. We raised our DS to make his own choices and as a teenager he goes to a different Church to the one I attend, which has a great youth section.

Those of you who are strict Athiests, how would you feel if your child develops a strong faith? I was not raised to attend Church or in a ‘religious’ family, it was completely my own decision to become involved in the Church.

Back to the OP, I would find it far more challenging to date someone with a 3 year old DD, where is the mother in all this?

I wouldn’t rule it out from the start but I’d be cautious because I’ve been in relationships with several Christian men over the years who had peculiar attitudes to sex. They all wanted to have sex, but one didn’t want me to use contraception, one wanted to pretend to everyone else that we weren’t in a sexual relationship and another one felt very guilty and thought he was going to hell. It was a bit wearing. They should probably all have decided to wait until marriage but none of them actually wanted to. I was younger and less experienced about relationships and I found it confusing and difficult.

I will also add here that dating is not an exercise in political correctness. You don't have to "embrace" the qualities you don't find attractive. You might find certain ethnic groups physically unattractive and that alone doesn't mane one a racist. One has to be respectful towards people regardless of their gender, race, religion, sexuality and ability but that doesn't mean you have to date them.

Yes I was just about to say that. I can choose not to date someone because of their hair colour or because they like cricket or because I don't like the way they eat. And the people I date can do the same to me. Otherwise it's something very unpleasant.

I think the reason a surprising number of men are ticking the 'spiritual' box in their online dating profiles is not because they necessarily are spiritual but because a lot of them think it's more likely to get them a quick shag. They've cottoned on to the fact that the 'atheist' box has become the 'Atheist' box in the minds of many, that is, indicative of rigid thinking, intolerance and a hyper-logical mindset.

I’m an ex Christian. I’ve been an atheist for about 15 years now and am married to an atheist (he had nothing to do with my deconversion, if you’re wondering.)

Having been a religious person, I know that I could never believe in it again, nor could I happily live with anyone who did. I also couldn’t live with anyone who owned a dog, was stingy with money, or lived for sport. I would be miserable.

So, YANBU. Despite what romcoms and Disney films tell us, love doesn’t conquer all. You need true compatibility to make it last, and knowing your dealbreakers from the outset saves everyone a lot of time.

YANBU
Deal breaker for me.
Religion isn't something "just personal" to the person, it's a fundamental belief.

For me, anyone who genuinely believes in a deity not only has different religious beliefs to me, but also has conflicting views on science and philosophy. Those are three HUGE factors in relationship compatibility and would become even more challenging when offspring were involved.

I have friends who are religious and we respectfully agree to disagree with one another and religion doesn't come up - no problems. But I don't have to live with them, be dictated (potentially) by their religious commitments in my everyday life, have to compromise on my parenting etc.

@Livingoncake has it spot on for me. With the exception of I couldn't live WITHOUT a dog. But now she and I know we're not compatible, no feelings hurt and no time wasted

Those of you who are strict Athiests, how would you feel if your child develops a strong faith?

Honestly, whilst I'd respect and support their decision - I would be incredibly disappointed.as I'm sure parents in the opposite scenario would be.

I wouldn't date someone religious. I'm an atheist. Equally, I wouldn't be offended if a religious man didn't want to date me.

I could probably date someone religious if we just didn't discuss the topic, but I couldn't have children with someone who wanted to bring them up with beliefs different to mine. And they probably wouldn't want to have children with me either.

Hey, that’s an interesting point of view and thank you for your honesty. I wonder if my DPs are disappointed in me because I have a faith? I genuinely don’t think they are, we have a very close relationship, they will occasionally join me at Church social events and I think they respect the fact that I have made a conscious decision to follow my faith.

@crimsonrose19

NewLevels Christianity being singled out again, even though not mentioned in the OP?

You saw how I used Christianity as the positive example too right? How on earth did you take it as singling Christianity out in a negative way.

Like most British people, I know more Christians than I do people of other faiths, it's as simple as that.

YANBU at all. I could never respect a man with an imaginary friend.

God I’d rather date a laissez-faire CofE vicar than a “spiritual” guy. I have mental images of self-obsessed Yoga Men, and being forced to “eat clean”
Well I'm a junk food addict and too fat for Yoga!

I think a lot of people just tick the 'spiritual' box without even understanding what it actually is.....and a lot of people have ignorant preconceived notions or stereotypes of what 'spiritual' is hence why you get all these assumptions that we must be hippies or something.

I’m with you OP.

I couldn’t date anyone with a strong religious belief any more than I could date someone who thought the earth was flat.

YANBU, I wouldn’t date anyone religious. I find it quite hard to respect religion, as I can’t understand how adults can believe such things, and I couldn’t date someone I didn’t respect.

YABVVVVVVU and religionphobic - you should absolutely accept any man with a religion who wants to date you otherwise you are just not being inclusive and you are a RERF.

I'm not going to say exactly what I'm thinking as it will come across as arrogant, but I just can't respect anyone who follows religion in this day and age.

Oops, pressed post too soon. You can't respect anyone who is religious but I'm guessing you want religious people to respect you?

I’m an Atheist and to my knowledge, have never dated a religious man. I’m not sure that was on purpose either, just the way it’s worked out. My family are all extremely religious (bar my parents weirdly who are both Atheist despite being raised religious) so I’m used to being surrounded by it. I don’t think it’s something that would deter me per se provided they didn’t try to force it on me.

I have always been very 'freedom for all' but I have just had someone from a very fundamentalist christian background live with me for a year (i am lax christian, c of e) and i was surprised and really upset at how their church values crept into my life, not least because they were all quite gossipy and their minister's wife stalked anyone said person hung out with online. They were 'men are the head of the family', fervently against pro-choice etc... very like a US strict fundy christian church actually. I felt like they were watching my every move and reporting back and found myself constraining the way I acted and spoke.

It just made me realise that fundamentalist anything seems always to be set up conveniently to heavily favour males and restrict women and condone judginess, gossip, war if they feel like it, etc etc.

Therefore I would never be with anyone who was fervently anything, apart from very peaceable things like Quakers.

That said, I don't think it is wrong to decide any difference in belief or attitude makes you incompatable as a couple, whether that is your faith, attitude to money, desired lifestyle, wanting/not wanting children, cultural attitudes to male/female roles within relationships etc.

You've dated 2 religious people in the past 6 months and it didn't work out, so don't date religious people.

Completely different thing but at uni I'd only date northern lads, I preferred their sense of humour and felt less judged with my strong northern accent. My friends said I was too judgemental only dating northerners and not entertaining southerner. So I dated a southern lad, he was kind and funny BUT found it hilarious what I called certain things and how I said things. Lasted a few months until I got bored of "how do you say that? Hahaha". I married the boyfriend I went out with before him, he was from my home town.

If you know what you do or don't like, don't waste your time.

ChristmaspArti

I don’t care really, but I’m not the one who believes in the floaty guy in the sky.