To not want to date religious guys?

[LadyandGent]

I'm irreligious.

Am I being a bit previous for dismissing a guy because of his religion?

No you are the one who believes there can never be anything greater than the human brain.

Religion was created by the human brain.

No you are the one who believes there can never be anything greater than the human brain.wink

Given the current state of the world, I'm sure there are many things greater than the human brain, quite possibly starting with pond weed. I also feel no need to believe in a deity.

There are certain religions I'd love to date, and others I'd steer well clear of (didn't used to, previous experience now means I know our views on lots of things in life are likely incompatible).

Date who you want, you don't need our permission!

To the poster who asked whether I expect religious people to respect me, No, I don't expect it - that's precisely the point - in my experience they don't respect people of no faith.

Also, the poster who mentioned dating Christians and their weird views around sex - YES, YES, YES & YES!

That was a massive issue. Him feeling guilty for having sex, and making me feel like a dirty harlot for tempting him! He actually said to me one morning 'Well you shouldn't have allowed me!" Eh, I'm not the keeper of your religious values sunshine!

I'm catholic and DH is atheist. It works fine because neither of us pushed our views on each other or believe that we are the "right" one. It generally never comes up so unless someone is following their religion strictly (which most people don't) it doesn't seems to cause an issue

Goosey Do you have kids? Because if you do then according to the the Catholic Church they should be brought up catholics.
I think there can be real issues when you have kids.

I'd find it difficult I'd they based decisions on it but most religious people don't.

I guess maybe if I heard of Christians successfully marrying/dating Muslims, I'd be less concerned. But from vague memories, if the woman is Christian and marries a Muslim, she generally converts to Islam. Or even a Westerner with no particular faith. They always seem to take on the religion of the husband.
That's not something I'd be willing to do. If he was non practising, it wouldn't be an issue for me, but since he is, I suspect he would be pressured to get me to conform.

If you are two adults and will not have kids, then the important thing is having similar values.
But as soon as you have kids, issues will start to be raised about what you teach them. Are they brought up believing one parents religious beliefs, the other parents, or neither. I have seen this cause issues and it is why some religions insist that they will only marry a couple of different beliefs, if they both agree the kids are brought up in that religion.
If you fall for someone of a different religion and you do want kids, you really need to talk about these kind of things before you agree to have kids.

There would be no kids apart from existing. But he has two. A girl 3 and a boy 7.
I would just feel gut wrenched to become a step-mum to the little girl and see her brought up in the Muslim faith, when how I rear my dd is so vastly different. To have confidence, to be outgoing, to never need to be dependent on a man, to never change herself for a man to conform etc.
I know I'm looking far down the line, but there's no point starting a non-starter is there?
TBH I was expecting to be crucified on here for having this concern, but I'm glad everyone sees it as practical concerns to have.

Regardless of his faith he doesn’t sound a particularly nice or decent guy if he is ‘blaming’ you for having sex with him . Is he divorced? Was his wife Muslim? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was using you for sex & would rather be married to a woman of his own faith (but with a bit on the side )

YANBU. I couldn't be with anyone who wasn't a Christian. It's bad enough that my DSC are militant atheists, I find it hard having them around the house making fun of everything we stand for.

Sorry if it wasn't clear, the guy who had the sex guilt was Christian. This guy is Muslim and I decided not to meet him.

Personally I wouldn't - again it's not by thing and it would cause issues down the line with potential weddings , Children .

Often can be a totally different lifestyle approach

YANBU. I couldn't be with someone I couldn't connect with on an intellectual and philosophical level. Differences of opinion are fine - DH and I disagree on many things - but I would have to be able to respect his position and feel that we were on an equal wavelength. Magical thinking/belief in the supernatural would be a dealbreaker.

As a feminist too, I imagine his attitude to women would be influenced by religion and that's a big fat no from me.

How religious is religious? I’m very anti organised religion my husband is somewhat religious (not regular to attend services but reads religious texts etc). It’s not been a problem. So long are you are both respectful it’s not an issue. I would steer clear of anyone who expected/wanted me to participate/convert though.

Good call on the Muslim though. Anyone who openly identifies as Muslim these days isn’t a moderate one in my experience.

I absolutely exclude religious ppl because I have to have a partner who follows an evidenced based approach to life. I couldn't respect someone with a strong religious view due to the lack of empirical evidence. It would lead to a massive values clash.

I am c of e and partner catholic, we have our faith but non practising. Children are christened c of e. I wouldnt get involved with a man who was Muslim, sikh or jewish simply because our upbringing and fundamental beliefs would be too far apart. Especially where children are concerned, so much simpler when your on the same wave length. But in saying that, i could of met the man of my dreams of one of the above religions and worked through the differences, who knows?

I would also be dissappointed if my kids choose a path of religion. I would respect that but would only attend their marriage and their kids christening etc and would completely avoid all other aspects of their faith

@YellowOccelot. Making fun or just stating their opinion?

@Tiscold What I said.

I’m actually amazed at how many people simply wouldn’t date someone because they are religious.

I’d have thought it’d be on a case by case basis.

As I said my husband is actually a minister and is the most amazing and selfless man I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine writing off dating him based purely on his beliefs.

If someone is an arse then they’re an arse regardless of their beliefs.

Maybe I just got lucky and found a wonderful man who happens to believe deeply. Are they a rare breed?