To be fed up of how my DP wears clothes

[Foxandthehound]

I can hear how much of a twat I sound in the title, but bear with me.

He is a size 8 shoe, he does have wide feet but definitely not unusually wide. He has to wear size 12 shoes apparently, it's obvious these shoes are far too big for him. He doesnt tie his shoes, instead he tucks them in his shoes. His feet are always slipping out and they even often fall off his feet completely. He tucks his jogging bottoms into his shoes.

He's a tracksuit guy, won't ever see him in trousers or a pair of jeans. This alone doesn't bother me, it's the fact he says he has to buy them 2 sizes bigger or he won't wear them. They HANG off him. It's clear they are far too big. He also apparently can't sit down without having to pull his trousers down under his bum so he's only sitting on his boxer shorts. He does this in public and he gets quite a bit of stares.

I have bought him clothes his actual size, and he just donates them to charity or exchange them for a bigger size.

Am I being too picky/controlling and an utter twat, or am I not the only one that can see the problem with this? I haven't gone on and on to him because a) I can't force him to wear clothing true to his size and b) I do think I sound quite controlling .

Hi OP. I have some um... "undiagnosed stuff" going on, which actually I'm now thinking (worrying?) sounds a bit like the sensory processing issues others are talking about. I can't stand tight shoes or clothes. I think with your DP you could find clothes that work for him - it's down to trying out different brands/styles. I swear by Vivo Barefoot shoes and boots. I only wear those now and can't hack wearing other shoes. They last forever and I get them in the sales.They feel completely different to other shoes. I wear a lot of maxi skirts/dresses and wide leg yoga pants (things with soft waistbands and loose-fitting basically. Clothes made of bamboo are great for me, as someone else above said. I can't stand the way your typical "girly" bras feel, so similarly wear yoga-type bras made from bamboo fibres. There's a company called BAM that make sports/fitness type clothes that I get a lot of things from.

I know I probably sound like a weirdo to all you normalites posting, and I've never been diagnosed with anything, but just saying that this is something I can relate to. I don't show my pants to the public mind when I sit down! But the rest of it I can relate to somewhat.

Im very similar.

I struggle in a formal work environment as I just cannot concentrate with things touching me.

I compromise with really stretchy mountaineers type trousers in black. And loose smart—ish t shirts.

my friend I’ve just looked at those yoga pants online. They look perfect Are they smart enough for a work environment?

And I totally agree with the PPs niece — I can’t sleep if my bum cheeks are squished.

Maybe he can wear a kilt?

No ball squashing in a kilt!

OP - I might have seen your DH last night . We ended up in Nando’s (long story) and our DDs were actually put off their food because of a man in the next table whose tracksuit b
Thanks

I’m 5’5” is quite short for a male, is he a bit in denial about his height & shoe size?
He really must stop pulling his pants down to sit down it’s massively inappropriate and someone will pull him up on it if he’s doing it in public.

Sorry there’s a rogue ‘I’m’ starting off my post 🙈

Personally, if I was being waited on whilst in a hotel (which I imagine to be quite a nice place in my head) and get served by someone wearing an ill fitting uniform because it was wrong sizing - I’d probably be blaming the employer for not giving them correct sizes.

However the trousers pulling down is a whole other level. If I was in a restaurant and saw someone doing what your partner does I actually would complain. And I let most things go as I hate confrontation, it’s just not right at all and is going to get himself a reputation. It needs sorting before your daughter starts school. Sensory or not, he needs some self awareness that he’s an adult and how he appears to the general public.

@1ndig0 not my partner. Just the sight of jogging bottoms put you off food?

As a former F&B hotel manager, there is no way he'd be allowed to serve dressed let me that. Even a budget hotel wouldn't allow it.

Sorry ignore that gogledegook above. I got interrupted! No there was a man with jogging bottoms “on” except they weren’t because he was sitting down and all you could see was his underpants. In a restaurant! And they were fallen half down as well, so the whole restaurant could see his bum crack! The trousers were mud thigh high, so only the underpants had contact with the chair iyswim. DH actually went over and asked him to pull his trousers up because the women in the next table were complaining about it. He sort of did, but not really. Then when he left, they just slid straight off him down to mid-thigh length again and he just carried in outside like that. This is not that teen look where they wear them really low with a belt. This was something else.

Bigger picture here...

But isn't it terrifying how easily a woman can be shackled to a man - who she would probably have done no more than date and move on from, because he is completely not a legitimate long-term option - just because of contraceptive failure.

I would have made a very different choice after just three months with someone (a choice not everyone is willing or able to make), but it really sets you on a path you may never have otherwise taken.

Scary.

@TheDowagerCuntess the OP has said she’s otherwise very happy with her partner so I don’t think she’d see herself as “shackled” to him they’re a happy couple who had an unplanned baby, it’s not that scary tbh

My personal viewpoint is very different, and I'm really not just taking about the OP's individual situation (hence the 'bigger picture' comment).

I honestly don't think there's much the OP can do. This is who he is. Other than perhaps plead that he not carry on like this in front of their daughter and her friends. It doesn't even sound like he's willing to compromise there.

I also don't think there is much the op can do. It would be very different if this was a habit he developed, but it appears she got with him knowing he pulled his trousers down in public and what he looked like clothed. He isn't willing to change, for whatever reason.

Personally I could not be physically attracted to a man who pulled his trouser down in public, or wore shoes and clothes too big for him to this extent. He must logically know all men have balls and he is the only one pulling his trousers down in public, so fundamentally he must understand it's inappropriate.

The issue is he has a child and at some point she's going to understand what her father is doing and be embarrassed by it, and possibly even bullied if other kids happen to see it. What will he do at school concerts for example, walk in in shoes four sizes too big, with his jogging bottoms tucked into his shoes, I assume in an attempt to pad his shoes out, and then expose his underwear to the whole school as he takes his seat?

I would speak to him about trying to change for his child, to seek a doctors help, but ultimately the op knew these things and still decided to co parent with him.

Op actually, does he tuck his trousers into his shoes because rhey are too long for him?

I just don’t understand how he can wear shoes 4 sizes too big for him?! I’m a 6 and sometimes pop on my DHs shoes to put the bin out and the like and they feel like I’m swinging a baseball bat in a church!

PS forgot to say my DH is a size 9

Was the contraceptive error due to a 4 sizes too big rubber johnny?

Oh aye?

I know it's the reflex response on mumsnet but does he have some kind of ASD?

Spanish

I am honestly struggling to imagine getting past date one with a person like this.

No matter how good his patter is, surely you would be texting a friend to call you with a fake emergency, making good your escape, and then regaling your incredulous mates with it afterwards.

YANBU. I keep picturing a man waking like a penguin in clown shoes.

So it took you an hour of arguing to convince to wear trousers to work. What did he do before he met you? Did he have a different job or what?

I'm a size 8 ( woman ) and my 15yr old ds is a size 13/14 so a bit bigger than what your dp wears but they are ridiculously huge!

Is he quite well?

He probably has sensory issues. I hate wearing shoes- I am only happy in summer in healthy flip flop style sandals. In winter, I only wear boots of some sort - they are more loose fitting. I cannot bear trainers - they feel too tight.

Perhaps he could try a wider variety of footwear , including boots. They might work better for him than tight fitting trainers.

On the tracksuit bottoms, they probably are the most comfortable standing up, but maybe they are too voluminous when sitting down and cause discomfort. Could he try jeans with stretch? Or overalls?