To invite all girls but one?

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On the basis that she's been to our house twice and has twice stolen things?
Came to DD's party last year and pocketed a handful of "little bits" of DD's present pile (stamp, sweets, lip balm). Didn't say anything as I put it down to over excitement and novelty of being at a party without parents and I was carrying the cake through when I saw her so it would have mad a scene.
She came over last week after school. DD has been a bit miserable and today was upset when she came out of school. This girl (S) had given another girl (J) a present. Which just happens to be a Lego figure exactly the same as the Lego figure from one of DD's most loved and played with sets which is missing. I've turned the place upside down and can't find it so am pretty sure it's not here. I've spoken to
J's mum to ask her if J has it and if she does to ask who gave it to her.

I need to organise DD's party soon. There are 5 girls in her year group in the class, so would it be really wrong of me to not let DD invite her and say she should invite one of the 6 boys instead?

Your mistake is in not addressing it with the parent at the time.

First one you witnessed, the second one is circumstantial. Why didnt you take the girl to one side when you saw her pocketing things? You could have dont it after the cake.

Anyway, thats an aside. Im firmly of the opinion you dont invite anyone you dont like to parties, however you did have her at your hosue last week, so you/your DD are going to look like a bullies. Be wary of making accusations you cant prove at the school gates.

DD now tells me three pieces are missing

Don't invite her

Why not talk to her mom or dad first about this?

I wouldn’t leave one child out but I would make sure she was closely supervised.

It is a hard one. I understand why you didn't tackle it at the time.
I wouldn't invite her but if they're all very close, you might have to explain why.
DD has a friend she doesn't see regularly, this little girl is neglected by her DM out all winter with her sisters, they rarely get much. She shoved a handful of shopkins in her back pocket. I never said anything, I froze and didn't want to embarrass her, thing's had went missing before but now I saw her do it, she is not allowed in anymore.
Most DC who steal are missing out on something somewhere.

I'd invite her, keep an eye on her, and if you see her taking something, say so. Make it clear that's not acceptable, but don't make a big scene out of it.

Talk to her mum about it first?

I'd invite her. I'd feel bad leaving just one out, even if she had stolen.

Ask the parents about where she got the Lego thing.

I will, but am waiting for .j's mum to call me back. If J has it and said S gave it to her then I'm calling the mum to explain.

If not, I think I'll have to call. Either ask if S can bring the figures back to Dd on Monday. And phrase it as if she borrowed them.
Or say it's a bit embarrassing, but Dd is missing these figures, has she by any chance noticed extra appearing at her house.

I'd invite her, sounds like she isn't a very happy little girl. Kids who steal usually do it because either they don't have nice things themselves, or there is something wrong at home.

I'd make sure anything special is put away, ensure that presents are left wrapped and put in a special bag, which is whisked away for safety once everyone has arrived, and keep an eye on her. If you see her putting something in your pocket just say "that's xx's lovely - please put it back".

It's not kind to leave just one girl out, and if you haven't tackled it at the time, you risk looking very mean.

The girl who used to steal at our school was told at home (a very middle class well educated set of parents) that they didn't approve of plastic tat or junk food. Guess what she took. It was awful for her when it all came out (she hid loads of stuff in her bag at school so her parents wouldn't find them. She couldn't even play with the toys, she just wanted to be like the others).

I’m afraid I wouldn’t invite a known thief to my home. So far she’s only pocketed small items and toys. But next time she comes over she could take money from your purse or even something special like your engagement ring.

J has everything. S have them to get and even told her she took them from DD. J is in disgrace for not telling her mum immediately and I'm waiting for S's mum to call me back. Not sure if I should say now that she won't be getting an invite. Money/possessions not an issue.

Gah! S gave them to her!

I wouldn’t invite her

Just seen your update - that makes it even easier. No way.

I hate these threads where one child is left out.

Sounds like the child has a few issues, maybe address them with her parent/s before the party. Yes it’s annoying that she has taken things but it seems mean to leave on girl out when you haven’t even spoken to her mother, she will wonder why she has been left out.

Ask her mum if this has happened before, if she knows why and what she plans to do about it. There might be divorce or other issues you don't know about that explain why she's being naughty. Let her mum know about the party and ask what she thinks aligned to her daughter's punishment for stealing; if she will be banned as a punishment (invited but can't go because she stole), or some other punishment and if her mum will chaperone...

It’ll be interesting to see what her Mum says.

I wonder what else she might have taken?!

I wouldn’t invite her either, birthday parties are frantic without having to make sure one of the kids isn’t pocketing stuff.

Not deliberately missing the point of your post lovely, but same thing happened to my DD. Managed to get some replacement Lego friends figures very cheaply on eBay

Say to the parents that you think she has picked up the lego by mistake you need to be upfront as you can about this sometimes kids get sticky fingers and parents need to know ime. If you leave her out of the party it willbe gossip there willbe whispering and wondering and bad feeling.

Poor child, she must be terribly unhappy to behave like that

Not necessarily, no.

As you now know she did it - could you invite her but she has to have mum stay with her to closely supervise as you don't want to exclude but also don't want a repeat of the behaviour.