To invite all girls but one?

[ForeignnessAlert]

On the basis that she's been to our house twice and has twice stolen things?
Came to DD's party last year and pocketed a handful of "little bits" of DD's present pile (stamp, sweets, lip balm). Didn't say anything as I put it down to over excitement and novelty of being at a party without parents and I was carrying the cake through when I saw her so it would have mad a scene.
She came over last week after school. DD has been a bit miserable and today was upset when she came out of school. This girl (S) had given another girl (J) a present. Which just happens to be a Lego figure exactly the same as the Lego figure from one of DD's most loved and played with sets which is missing. I've turned the place upside down and can't find it so am pretty sure it's not here. I've spoken to
J's mum to ask her if J has it and if she does to ask who gave it to her.

I need to organise DD's party soon. There are 5 girls in her year group in the class, so would it be really wrong of me to not let DD invite her and say she should invite one of the 6 boys instead?

Don't invite the tea leaf. What age is she?

Why didn’t you call Her out the first time? You actually let her steal from your daughter? She obviously thought nothing of it - so did it again. I wouldn’t invite. I think it’s unfair to have to watch someone like a hawk when you should be able to relax.

This was me as a child I was in primary school and a friend had Playmobile, huge tubs of it. My family were poor.so I never had you'd like that which I really enjoyed when I went to hers. Once, I took one of the little people home, one that she had a lot of the same (a basic one, not a special character). I think I just wanted the cool, fun toys she had rather than the stuff I had to share with a sibling that was mostly boy themed toys.

I might invite her but make it clear that you know what happened and that she is not allowed in certain areas of the house.

So I never had toys like that

Stupid autocorrect!

Op tried to raise it with mum and was brushed off. Doesn’t sound like the kid is an impoverished orphan type. I wouldn’t invite what else might she nick? You can’t practically keep watch during party mayhem

@ChasedByBees but her daughter doesn’t have them anymore, her daughter had given them to the friend who is going to return them?

Fool me once, fool me twice, etc...

Doesn’t sound like the kid is an impoverished orphan type
Maybe not. There is usually an underline reason DC steal, some from poverty, some for attention , or abuse.

After speaking to her DM, I would invite her, keep an eye on her, if she knows you know she will more than likely learn from the second chance and think twice about stealing again.

What if she nicks a diamond ring? Why is this ops problem? She’s told the parents they are not sorting it

Does DD still want to be friends with S? I think that's the crux of the matter. If so, invite her per my previous post. If not, don't invite her.

My friend who is so lovely and honest and kind told me how she used to steal things from friends when she was young until caught. She didn’t know why she did it maybe a little jealously. I think you should supervise the girl but invite her how awful to be the only one not invited. My point of that story is she probably isn’t a thief in the making and she isn’t nicking the silver. If it occurs again at the party let the parents know .

How old are the children? Maybe don't make her crawl to you on bended knee wearing a hairshirt if they're quite young.

On a separate note, please dont leace out the boy just because he's the only boy. It's really hurtful to not be invited to a friend's party because of your sex. Better to allow him to turn down the invitation if he's uncomfortable. Ds2 has been the only boy at several parties and next week his best girl friend (not girlfriend) will be the only girl at his party. She couldn't care less.

OP are you ever going to tell us how old the girls are?

Not until another 30 people ask Penguincake

That's normal though isn't it grumiosmum but here the mum did notice and didn't make sure it had been handed back. Or she's trying to make it sound less serious. Although why did she check her DD's pockets...not something I would usually do! I'd also have texted the other mum to let her know we had them if it had been me who'd found something on my DD.

DD is 6, S & J already 7. S is a middle child, elder sister is 9-10 so she's a bit "older" than the other girls in the class.

Perhaps this girl wants to give gifts to buy friendship? Possible but J and S are good friends, DD best friends with E and the other girl, R is inseparable with a boy and doesn't really play with the other girls.

Can't do party out of home because of cost and DS. I've said she can invite 4 other children. There are 11 in the class.

J's mum marched her round to apologise and give the toys back and asked me to tell her off. I thanked J and said as she knew they weren't S's to give she... J interrupted and said " but I didn't steal them". I said I knew that, but as she knew they were stolen she should have told and given them to a teacher or to her mum. Her mum is furious, I think in part because they're immigrants so afraid a reputation sticks more.

Maybe don't make her crawl to you on bended knee wearing a hairshirt if they're quite young.

Sorry, was getting dinner and putting DC to bed!

Don’t invite her, it’s your DD’s party and you have enough to do without watching the little madam. It’s not hard to see why she feels she can have what’s she wants though is it! Her mother’s attitude is crap. She should have brought her DD around, with the bits, to apologise. I mean really...she knew she was stealing them, it’s not likely she’s going to give them back to DD saying ‘Sorry I took your toys’ is it 🙄. ‘These things happen’ was for YOU to say AFTER the mother apologised, returned the toys and made her DD apologise, not for her to say. She’s 7, plenty old enough to learn that if you do horrible things, others won’t like you ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

Definitely don’t invite her - she needs to learn. She’s not deprived, she’s entitled.

I think you are overreacting just a tad . Yes it's not great, but they are still very young. My 5 year old comes home with small figures/novelty stationary/bracelets etc on a weekly basis and I have questioned her many times about them if they were given to her or she took them. On one occasion I wasn't convinced an item was given to her and I contacted the mother and gave it back to her the next day. She was grateful but fine about it and said that her daughter is always coming home with random gifted trinkets too, I've since mentioned it to other parents and they've all had the same. It's not a stretch to imagine this will still be going on at 7.

Noway are you overreacting, she is 7 not 2, has to learn right from wrong, bad stance to take. I would invite her, but warn her in private that she is not to take things that are not hers, I would be checking pickets on leaving!

Will it still be cute when they are 8, 10 maybe. Stealing is wrong, at 7 should be learning not to take what is not theirs.

Not a chance in hot fiery hell would the little thief be invited back to my house. I think the mum's minimising speaks volumes. I'd be mortified if S was my kid.

If your 6/7 year old is coming back with things that are not theirs from kids houses, you should be teaching them that it is wrong, not to do it again, not excusing it!