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8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

217 replies

Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 09:51

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 25/01/2019 09:54

Sorry but 8 years old is WAY to old to stil have a dummy, and now your child is 100% going to need braces.

Your DH and MIL are being ridiculous, just throw all the dummies away

ArnoldBee · 25/01/2019 09:56

By the age of 4 a dummy should be gone due to damage to the teeth. Have you seen a dentist to discuss the damage it's causing. Out of my 3 - 2 threw it in the bin at the age of 3 and that was that. The other one was more dramatic - threw it off the top of a multi storey car park aged 4.

DarkestPlace · 25/01/2019 09:56

I’d be taking DS to the dentist and getting an estimate of how much the braces, etc are going to cost in the future, then telling OH and MIL to make sure they have that much as they have directly caused the need for the remedial dental intervention.

AhoyDelBoy · 25/01/2019 09:57

it's beginning to get ridiculous


You think? It was beginning to get ridiculous 4+ years ago IMO. Throw them away. End of. How utterly embarrassing that your child has been allowed a dummy till 8 YEARS OLD Shock

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 25/01/2019 09:57

At 7 dd still had hers. Her teeth are perfect in her 20's. Needs to go before she is teased though.

MoreHairyThanScary · 25/01/2019 09:57

Not very helpful as I think you are already aware but you have left this one very late. Dc got rid of theirs at 4 and I thought I had been lax with that.

What we did was collect them all up put them under a pillow one night and the 'dummy fairy' took them and left a present. You may not need a fairy but certainly consider trading for something very much desired. I think I would treat it a a fait accompli with your ds not a 'would you like' more a 'we are' going to have to move on from the dummy what are you going to have instead with 2 choices. Tell your oh he needs to speak to your dentist if he objects, especially If it has caused dental problems already.

Walkerbean16 · 25/01/2019 09:57

Just throw them all out.

CMOTDibbler · 25/01/2019 09:58

Unless he has SN, then 8 is waay to old for dummies. Tell him that they are making his teeth wonky, throw them all away and refuse to buy anymore. Bin any that appear.

Also, go to the dentist, and see if they will lay down the law on dummies as well - everyone listens to the professionals!

CluedoAddict · 25/01/2019 09:59

Ridiculous to still have it at that age unless there are any special needs.

Dragon3 · 25/01/2019 09:59

If it is his equivalent of a teddy, don't throw it away.

Cut the teat off so that he can't suck it. Then he still has the plastic part as a comfort object.

Dragon3 · 25/01/2019 10:01

Also, plenty of 8 year olds still suck their thumb, which is just as bad for their teeth and more difficult to stop. Watch him for a while to make sure that he doesn't switch to thumb sucking.

Lumpy76 · 25/01/2019 10:04

Does ds have sen or ASD? The dummy is obviously serving a purpose so that needs considering. Whatever you do is going to need to be done with love and care and his co operation as he’s obviously very attached to it. Have a talk to ds in a non judgmental way and see if he actually wants to get rid of it and then work out a plan. Eg firstly taking it out just before he falls to sleep, then cutting the length of time he sucks it down etc.. I think that at 8yrs old he may actually find it very difficult to go cold turkey but that has to be his choice.

I actually wouldn’t be too concerned about the teeth - most kids need braces nowadays and actually a worse overjet (as a dummy would cause) is better than a mild one as you’ll get NHS treatment and not have to pay!! Dummies won’t cause decay - actually the reverse as they increase saliva which decreases the chance of decay.

Oysterbabe · 25/01/2019 10:06

Christ just bin them all. My DD had one and I got rid at 18 months without a fuss.

HoppingPavlova · 25/01/2019 10:07

It is a big deal.

One of mine had a dummy for longer than usual. At 4yo we became worried. They had physical disabilities and lots of health issues involving pain and the dummy was a soothing aspect however it was problematic. Luckily they started getting terrible eczema around the dummy area so we HAD to get rid of it. Only one that needed speech therapy and prolonged orthodontic work (typical otherwise in our family but not to that extent) so while I don’t know for sure it made me wonder.

8yo is more than past time to get rid of it.

KateGrey · 25/01/2019 10:09

My dd has severe autism and we took hers away at 3. It was hell but she it was affecting her teeth. I think unless there is some kind of Sen you do need to try and give it up

Toomuchworking · 25/01/2019 10:10

My DD had hers too long, she'd just turned 3 and I noticed it starting to affect her teeth and was horrified!! My SIL said her daughter had the same at 3 and her teeth went back to normal when they took it off her. I'd been putting off taking it off her as she was really attached to it at bedtime and the only way she'd sleep on long car journeys. We just told her one night that was her last night with it because they're for babies and she's a big girl, starting pre-school soon, and that was it. She had one slightly unsettled night, occasionally asks for it 3 months later but doesn't make a fuss. Just do it and don't go back on it, he'll be fine.

mcmooberry · 25/01/2019 10:12

I feel very sorry that you don't have your DH's and MIL's support in tackling this because it is clearly a ridiculous situation. At 8 you should be able to reason with your DS, could you offer a new bike? x-box? Pony? Anything?? Without the other adults who put him to bed on board though I am not sure what you can do. Won't he have a school residential trip coming up this year or next, surely he wouldn't want to take a dummy on that? Good luck OP, I read once about a lady whose daughter would snatch the dummy from a baby in a pram or steal one from the supermarket when she tried to take them away.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 25/01/2019 10:13

Does he have additional needs, I cannot imagine an 8 year old who still uses a dummy unless he doesn't fully comprehend the damage it is doing.

His teeth will be a mix of adult of baby teeth surely he understands his adult teeth will not fall out and will be permanently damaged as a result of using it?

I would honestly just throw it away. He is too old for the dummy fairy or other similar ideas. The longer you let this continue the more damage it will do and the harder it will be to correct.

Hellohellohowareyou · 25/01/2019 10:16

ArnoldBee I LOVE the thought of getting rid of a dummy by throwing it off a multi storey car park 😂.

My daughter is 3 and still very attached to hers but we are going to bite the bullet soon...we just keep putting it off due to one thing or another

PerfectlyPetty · 25/01/2019 10:16

It’s ridiculous and really poor form that you’ve all let this go on.

Man the fuck up. Firstly your MIL has no part in this decision.

Secondly just throw them away and tell your 8 year old dummies are for babies.

RedPandaMama · 25/01/2019 10:17

I had two cousins that had dummies until 8 and 10 respectively. They were both spoiled brats to be honest so their parents never bothered trying to stop them and got daft, especially when they got invited to sleepovers and school trips etc. They eventually gave them up themselves but did get bullied because of it and it was a shame.

You just have to explain they're too old to have a dummy, it's bad for their teeth, is there a special toy they would like to cuddle in bed instead or maybe an inventive you could buy to help ease the transition for everyone.

RedPandaMama · 25/01/2019 10:18

Should say incentive obvs

Pizzapetra · 25/01/2019 10:20

Stop blaming your MIL. It’s nothing to do with her and she will only interfere if you allow her to. Put your foot down- you are his mother.
You’ve let it go on for far far too long. Just chuck it out and be done with it.

WinnieFosterTether · 25/01/2019 10:22

Take DS and DH to the dentist and get the dentist to tell them both how bad a dummy is for DS' teeth. Then go home and throw them all out.

AhoyDelBoy · 25/01/2019 10:22

PerfectlyPetty couldn’t agree more. I’m actually aghast that you’ve allowed this to continue! 8!?! Jesus wept.

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