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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

217 replies

Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 09:51

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

OP posts:

SaturdayNext · 27/01/2019 13:12

Can you hide away all but two of the younger children's dummies when your husband or his mother are in charge? I would hope that they would then have the sense to give them to the youngest ones alone.

Confusedbeetle · 27/01/2019 13:14

This should have been done aged 0ne

Oysterbabe · 27/01/2019 13:52

How did it go OP?

ImSooooooCold · 27/01/2019 14:12

We ditched DS1 dummy at 3 but he developed night terrors and nightmares for 3 weeks until we gave it back. We tried again at 4 and were successful, but it was hard for him. DS2 probably didn't even need one in the first olace, but anyway he was happy to ditch it by 2. They are all different and I understand that some kids really do seem to need one. However, 8 is very old for a dummy. I've never heard if anyone have a dummy this old. they are not designed for that age group. Can you find him another soothing night-tine regime? And give him a few night-tine treats in a row for ditching the dummies! Perhaps help him pick a cool grown up LED night light, and/or let him have a sleepover (I bet he'd not want his friends to see his dummy) and allow him hot chocolate before a bed a few nights running. Maybe let him feel grown up by watching grown up to with you in the evenings for a few nights..

Chingling · 27/01/2019 14:16

Go to build a bear and get it put into a teddy- still there for comfort but not accessible

Undercoverbanana · 27/01/2019 14:22

Not RTFT but does he take the dummy on sleepovers? His mates must think it rather odd?

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 27/01/2019 14:27

Weathergirl1 · 27/01/2019 16:10

Well dummies certainly are a polarising subject here!

I had one until I was 6 (can't remember exactly when I gave it up but it was before I was 7) at night. I never sucked my thumb or fingers and didn't/still don't have any dental issues. A younger friend I grew up with had bucked front teeth (and a manky thumb) from sucking her thumb and was still doing that during the day well after I'd given up my dummy at night.

I was well aware it was something that most children my age didn't have anymore, or maybe they did and kept quiet about it like I did. I specifically remember staying with friends when I was 6 and a bit and I was in the same room as my parents rather than in the friends' children's bedroom because we were being discreet about me using a dummy at night (and I remember a close shave when it had been put back into its plastic pot just minutes before one of the other children barged in one morning!).

I find @cushioncuddle 's comment above about melatonin quite interesting - hadn't realised that but it makes sense!

Rogueaccountant · 27/01/2019 16:13

Is he buying his own dummies?

If not, I’m baffled.

PatPhoenix · 27/01/2019 16:18

I had mine til I was 7. My mum 'lost' them all one day and despite a lengthy search that evening, couldn't find one. Around an hour after bedtime I finally conceded that I would sleep without one. I still occasionally remember how calm it made me feel. No bad effects.

I like the open discussion method/dummy fairy better. Don't worry about it anymore. Just tell your dh you're doing it tonight and get rid of the lot. as they haven't come up with a non-existent reason why an 8 year old needs a dummy.

3sugars · 27/01/2019 17:07

My ds had a dummy until he was nearly 6. He has ASD and developmental delay and I thought I'd never get him to give it up. In the end I bribed him with a toy he was desperate to have, said if he could go for a week without a dummy then he could have it as a reward. First two nights he woke up a bit unsettled but soon went back to sleep. He was very proud of himself a week later and very happy to get his new toy.

Walkerbean16 · 29/01/2019 18:20

How did it go?

BusyMum47 · 29/01/2019 18:42

8???? Definitely needs to go - just be brutal - 8 is old enough to understand - replace with a cuddly toy or something if absolutely necessary, but just go for it! Chuck them all away & tell DH to stop being so ridiculous & tell MIL to mind her own business!!!

wrenika · 29/01/2019 18:48

I still sucked my thumb at that age - my parents told me to stop and that it would make my teeth squint...they tried putting tabasco on it to put me off! Eventually I managed to give up sucking my thumb and focused all my attention on my 'sooky ribbon' which is a silky dressing gown tie which I rub between my fingers. I'm 29 and I still have it everywhere. It's on my desk when I'm working. (I do replace it regularly so its fresh and not scanky!) Nobody gives me weird looks about it. They know it helps with my anxiety and it doesn't do anyone else any harm. Is there any alternative that he might take to like this? Something that doesn't do damage.

Original poster

Throughthewardrobe664 · 05/02/2019 08:06

The Dummy is gone!!
We attempted triple cold turkey, but on night 4 we caved a gave them their dummies.

However DS had a friend over on the weekend, as they were playing his friend found a dummy that DS had forgot to hide. He managed to convince his friend that it was DD'S, but still, DS was mortified. That night, after his friend had left he told us that he didn't want his dummy anymore and he put them in the bin. We said that he could have a reward after one week of no dummy. Just finished night 3 and not even a mention of the dummy.

OP posts:

NotANotMan · 05/02/2019 08:57

Well done
Now take them away from the other two. They are already too old for them.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/02/2019 09:05

Glad to hear he no longer has a dummy but you really should preserve with the other 2 children as well. Getting to night 4 and caving will have made this more challenging but you really don't want to end up in the same situation years from now.

Sparklesocks · 05/02/2019 09:17

I remember when I was a kid my younger brother wouldn’t give up his dummy. He would have terrible tantrums and all hell would break loose without it.
One day my mum finally had enough. We’d been out for the day at a family-fun type centre which had a faux steam train you could ride around the area in. We all went on it and had a great time.

Back home my brother asked for his dummy as usual and my mum looked for it (not very hard!) and said ‘sorry, I think we left it on the train. I’m afraid it’s gone, and you need to be a big boy without it.’ Cue the screaming of course! But he got over it eventually. And he said he hoped another child found it on the train and liked it (ew).

Thankfully small child logic assured him it was gone forever, and he didn’t think about the possibility of buying another!

Lookingforadvice123 · 05/02/2019 09:32

Oh god, yes it's beyond ridiculous!

We took my DS' night time only dummy away at 2.10 and I felt we'd left it late! We had one bedtime of hell where he cried and cried and I felt horribly guilty, and that was that - he was over it the next day and got a present from the dummy fairy.

Just take it, let him choose a present in return, but be FIRM that dummies are for babies.

WhatTheNightBrings · 05/02/2019 10:26

We attempted triple cold turkey, but on night 4 we caved a gave them their dummies.

I suppose that was your DH and MILs fault?

dentydown · 05/02/2019 10:35

Sounds like passing the buck but can the dentist explain to your child about the dummy. I had to get the dentist to explain it to my 11 year old (yes I know) and he finally gave it up.
She told him in semi technical language about what was happening to his teeth and how they can’t be corrected because he has a dummy.

Excited101 · 05/02/2019 23:33

That’s great he’s not been having it but stop caving, get rid of the other 2’s dummy’s they’re far too old and if they’re in the house you might find your eldest doesn’t last that long either!

GunpowderGelatine · 06/02/2019 00:13

At Christmas we once and for all got rid of our 5yo's dummy. We literally took them away from the house so the temptation wasn't there to give one to her. TBF she was fine, bar the first night which was rough going but worth it in the long run. 8 is too old, really past 2 is too old (yes I know I'm a hypocrite but I know I'm a hypocrite) I'm shocked your DH isn't more concerned.

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 06/02/2019 00:20

8???

I felt guilty for letting my DS have his until he was 2 - and even then it was only for sleeping.

He's also well old enough to understand that he's too old and that it's causing damage to his teeth and jaw. Do his friends know that he sucks a dummy? Maybe you could invite a few round for a sleepover. I think he'd soon get the message that dummies are only for babies! Actually, probably not a good idea on second thought - as no doubt it would get around school and that would be very humiliating for him.

Does he believe in the tooth fairy? Maybe get 'her' to take them away one night, leaving a note explaining that he's too old and his teeth won't be worth taking if he carries on so she thought she'd do him a favour and get rid of them for him?

My three all still believe (at 11, 9 and 7!! God knows how!)

Mummylife2018 · 06/02/2019 00:32

A Dummy at 8????????????? WTAF

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