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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

217 replies

Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 09:51

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

OP posts:
CurlyWurlyTwirly · 25/01/2019 10:44

Show DS some pictures of people with awful teeth.
He is old enough to reason at this age.
You need to show them to DH and mil too.

MamaRaisingBoys · 25/01/2019 10:44

Does he ever go on a sleepover/camp where he wouldn’t want to be seen with the dummy? If he manages it maybe arrange for a 2-3 night away to break the habit. Or wait until you go on holiday and ‘forget’ to take it

Maryjoyce · 25/01/2019 10:44

Why do you use them in the first place ?

SallyWD · 25/01/2019 10:45

I had a dummy until I was 9 then finally gave it up and started sucking my thumb for many years! Some kids have a very strong sucking instinct and I found it very soothing to suck. My teeth are fine, maybe the tiniest bit goofy, but people usually compliment how perfect my teeth are. Sorry, that's probably not very helpful. I understand why you want to get rid of the dummy. Just don't want you to stress TOO much about it. With my daughter I went cold turkey when she was 3.

SoyDora · 25/01/2019 10:45

For comfort I imagine Maryjoyce, like most people. Babies like to suck. And they’re actually recommended by the Lullaby Trust to help avoid SIDS.
But that’s not the issue anyway. She can hardly go back 8 years and change it.

Justbackfromnewwine · 25/01/2019 10:46

@Maryjoyce Hmm

User758172 · 25/01/2019 10:46

Just throw them away. Job done. It’s unbelievable that you’ve let this go one for so long Confused

NutElla5x · 25/01/2019 10:48

No it is not more normal than it seems. It is ridiculous and harmful for an 8yr old to still be sucking on a dummy! Threaten to take a photo and show it to all his school friends,or what's stopping you just throwing all the dummies away?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/01/2019 10:55

Should be gone by age 1. I'm relieved I never even thought to give DS one in the first place, as the process of weaning kids off these things sounds like an utter nightmare. DN chomped on one of these things for most of the time and had serious developmental speech delay until the age of 3. (On a probably non-related issue, her back teeth were rotten too). MiL has no say in this; you're his mother and if you've decided it has to go then that's what needs to happen. Dummies are the work of the devil. I'd bin it!

SoyDora · 25/01/2019 10:56

as the process of weaning kids off these things sounds like an utter nightmare

It wasn’t for us. I just told them it was time to stop having it and that was that.

Seline · 25/01/2019 10:57

Dummies are the work of the devil
Hmm

Bit extreme.

Thatwasfast · 25/01/2019 10:57

‘Take a photo and threaten to show all his friends’ - Jesus, what awful, emotionally abusive behaviour.

He’s using a dummy for comfort, how is humiliating him helpful?

There’s some really cold people on this thread

Seline · 25/01/2019 10:59

Also it's not to do with parenting. All three of mine have got dummies. DS1 was never really bothered but would occasionally use one, DS2 likes a dummy and it will help settle him to sleep and DD hates them. Some kids find them comforting and some don't.

Serialweightwatcher · 25/01/2019 11:00

Mine were about 8 or 9 when they decided enough was enough - I know people say throw them out etc, but I sucked my thumb until I was 12 - I don't think it's so terrible if it comforts them and they will decide themselves

Aeroflotgirl · 25/01/2019 11:01

Unless your dad has SN, throw the dummy away now!

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 25/01/2019 11:07

Oh my god. Burn alllll the dummies! Way too old.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/01/2019 11:09

*Dummies are the work of the devil
hmm

Bit extreme.*

Why? They are potentially harmful. They are known to cause issues with speech delay, as well as serious damage to teeth. This is now happening with OP's DS and she's rightly concerned. This isn't personal opinion; it's the advice of appropriately qualified professionals and it's based upon documented fact. What parents then choose to do with that information is up to them. There are other 'comfort objects' available, and it's been shown that when used too long, these ones in particular are not necessarily in a child's best interests.

NutElla5x · 25/01/2019 11:11

He’s using a dummy for comfort, how is humiliating him helpful?

There’s some really cold people on this thread

He's 8 years old,not a sodding baby,no matter how hard his family are trying to infantilize him. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind,this is one of those times.

Original poster
Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 11:11

DS doesn't have any sort of special needs. I have taken them away before but DH normally caves when DS kicks up a fuss. I also have two younger children, DS is 3 and DD is nearly 2. Who both still have dummies, so I really trying to avoid triple cold turkey.

OP posts:
Seline · 25/01/2019 11:12

Marie they only cause those issues in extreme cases. They also help children sleep, reduce the risk of cot death and helps teach premature and sick babies how to suck.

Kids with strong suck reflexes will just suck their thumb if no dummy is around.

Seline · 25/01/2019 11:12

NutElla wow, glad you weren't my parent.

llangennith · 25/01/2019 11:14

DD3 (now 42) was 6 when I finally got rid of her dummies. Bribery I think: a Barbie horse maybe? Anyway, no speech problems and perfect teeth.
An 8yo boy will probably be happy to give up the dummy in exchange for a toy or other treat. Just do it and tell your OH and MIL when it's done.

SoupOnMyTableNowSir · 25/01/2019 11:19

Why do you use them in the first place ?

Because the highly qualified paediatrician told me it would help my child. So I gave him a dummy.

Ethel36 · 25/01/2019 11:22

Throw them all away now. Cut the teats off before you do...so no changing minds! He is too old. You are damaging his teeth. Be his mother and do the right thing.

WisdomOfCrowds · 25/01/2019 11:22

My brother had one until he was about 4 when he gave it up himself. He had a speech delay and needed braces but my mother flat out refuses to believe there may have been a connection. We took our sons away at 18 months and had 2 pretty grim nights then he forgot all about it. The oldest child I've known to have one was 5 and he had ASD, but even then most of his support workers were trying to get it off him as they felt it wasn't appropriate at that age. Maybe it's cruel but at 8 I'd just take them all and throw them in the bin. If your husband and MIL buy more, bin them too. TBH at 2 and 3 I'd be tempted to bin everybodies dummies and just weather the triple cold turkey. It'll be a miserable week with 3 grumpy kids and a spineless husband mithering at you, but then it'll be done and over with. Think you just need to bite the bullet here.