Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

217 replies

Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 09:51

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

OP posts:
NutElla5x · 25/01/2019 11:23

NutElla wow, glad you weren't my parent.
My kids love and them smiling at me displaying their beautiful straight and shiny teeth is all matters to me,not your opinion luckily.

BlueStockingUK · 25/01/2019 11:23

Won't add to the negative comments, true but not helpful.
Could I suggest a week count down. Do a star chart and at the end of the week there are lots of stars on the final day. Show this to ds every evening, tick/cross/mark at the end of each day and explain at the end of the week, the dummy goes in the box/drawer/away/bin and there will be a gift in return for the dummy.
Re-iterate every night, the dummy will go on the day with lots of stars and 'because he's so clever' 'he's a big boy' 'in exchange' 'for a swop' he will get a gift, highlight the gift more/how exciting etc etc.
Many people have associated the tooth fairy idea for the dummy also.
It does need to go, Good luck.

alphajuliet123 · 25/01/2019 11:26

I'd suggest you invent some sort of letter to all three of your kids saying that dummies are desperately needed for babies who haven't got one. Parcel them all up and post them off (or even better allow each child to do the actual posting) and then taken them all for a treat while praising their kindness. That way it seems like it was their decision, their action and most importantly their generosity, and not just mean mummy taking them away.

Good luck!

ThatThingYouDo · 25/01/2019 11:26

Bloody hell, 8 years old?! Yes it needs to go now.

I was allowed dummies until I was 5 years old and ended up needing a number of corrective jaw surgeries to break and reset my jaws to get them in the right position. All because of dummies.

Chuck it in the bin today.

Seline · 25/01/2019 11:27

NutElla bit shallow to focus on straight teeth don't you think? Especially condoning humiliation and emotional abuse of a child in the name of straight teeth.

crispysausagerolls · 25/01/2019 11:27

This isn’t helpful and is also unpopular but I really despise dummies - I think shoving a piece of plastic in a child’s mouth is an unnatural thing to do, it’s better to comfort them yourself. I especially dislike that I’ve seen people repeatedly ramming them in when the baby doesn’t want it, to make the baby accept it! Very different to a child finding his thumb on their own.

However since you are in this situation I think an 8 year old is old enough for
You to explain and remove. Agree with PP who suggested a chart with stars and rewards of some kind - not sure the threat of bad teeth means much to an 8 year old!

Dangermouse559 · 25/01/2019 11:28

Hi my DD is 6.5 and is exactly the same, she completely adores her dummy. I'm letting her and her sister give them up in their own time. I can't see it being that big a dealif it's only at bedtime. Maybe you could take it out when he fals asleep? Do his friends know about it? I know DD would be very embarrassed if any of her friends found out.
My cousin had a dummy till she was 11, very secretive, but she gave it up when she had a sleep over at a friends house and didn't want them to see the dummy. Good luck whatever you decide.

crispysausagerolls · 25/01/2019 11:28

alphajuliet123

What a wonderful
Idea!!!!!

ThatThingYouDo · 25/01/2019 11:28

And at 8 years old your child doesn't need tippy toeing around the issue with dummy fairies and rubbish like that.

You explain the reasons why dummies are bad for the teeth. They will be old enough to understand by now.

Oysterbabe · 25/01/2019 11:29

DD had one because she was preterm and tube fed. It helped retain her sucking reflex for when she was strong enough to feed. She was very uncomfortable for her first months of life and was crying when she wasn't sucking so it was a dummy or no sleep for anyone. They also reduce the risk of cotdeath.
She gave it up at 18 months without a fuss.

Seline · 25/01/2019 11:30

I think shoving a piece of plastic in a child’s mouth is an unnatural thing to do, it’s better to comfort them yourself.

I'd love to have comforted mine myself but they were in an unnatural plastic box with an unnatural plastic ventilator at birth and reviving food through an unnatural TPN line while I was recovering from a massive hemmhorage and having blood transfusions. Hmm

Think before you type. Lots of premature babies have dummies to teach them to suck and to comfort them while having painful procedures and being away from their parents.

crispysausagerolls · 25/01/2019 11:31

Please stop peddling the dummy and cot death bollocks:

Breastfeeding your baby reduces the risk of SIDS. It's possible using a dummy at the start of a sleep also reduces the risk of SIDS. But the evidence isn't strong and not all experts agree that dummies should be promoted.

  • NHS website
PodgeBod · 25/01/2019 11:31

I think there's a bigger issue here with your DH and MIL joining forces and overruling your parenting decisions. That's really not fair on you. These are decisions for you and DH alone.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 25/01/2019 11:32

And at 8 years old your child doesn't need tippy toeing around the issue with dummy fairies and rubbish like that.

Exactly this. At 8 he will know you can just go buy more at Tesco so sending them to other children is illogical. I would honestly be looking at removing them for all 3 children surely if he sees his toddler sibling giving up and going to sleep without a dummy he will be more inclined to think he should be able to do the same.

crispysausagerolls · 25/01/2019 11:33

Seline

I did think before I typed - that’s why I mentioned parents ramming dummy in and not preterm babies, which is a special situation as you say. Generally when speaking about a topic it’s normal (I think) to address the majority (eg full
Term babies) than the minority. The use with preterm babies is like a medical necessity/medical tool and that’s different.

BitchQueen90 · 25/01/2019 11:34

I think it's ridiculous to let an 8 year old have a dummy.

DS had one until he was 2.5 and then I got rid of it, cold turkey. The tantrums lasted about 3 days and then he never mentioned it again.

Sometimes part of being a parent means that you have to lay down rules and not cave in.

SoyDora · 25/01/2019 11:34

I think shoving a piece of plastic in a child’s mouth is an unnatural thing to do, it’s better to comfort them yourself

I may be a really awful and unnatural mother, but unfortunately having a nipple in my baby’s mouth all night so they could sleep made me ill (physically and mentally... my cracked nipples gave me mastitis which led to sepsis and a stint in intensive care, and I also developed PND and PTSD), so I ‘shoved’ plastic in instead.

SoyDora · 25/01/2019 11:35

Although I can’t say that I’ve ever either ‘shoved’ or ‘rammed’ a dummy in anyone’s mouth.

Seline · 25/01/2019 11:35

How would you even know who's been a preterm baby though? One of mine is tiny and looks prem her twin brother is huge and looks like a regular baby. Yet you'd judge us on him having a dummy!

Also comments like unnatural, whether you meant it or not, are really hurtful to people who have had those experiences.

Seaweed42 · 25/01/2019 11:37

Do the 8 year old first. I used good old fashioned bribery.
Think of what toy/item/device/trip/phone DS would absolutely love. Then say you will swap the dummy for that. Tough shit if its expensive, its your own faults for leaving it so long.
It'll literally only take a couple of nights of whinging and whining from him. Keep reassuring him it'll be absolutely by the end of the week.
It's mean and cruel to use pictures of awful teeth and threats like that because you have allowed and approved of it and encouraged him to have the dummy up to now.
Making him feel ashamed over it isn't nice because you two have encouraged him by the action of letting him have it.

crispysausagerolls · 25/01/2019 11:37

Also comments like unnatural, whether you meant it or not, are really hurtful to people who have had those experiences.

Sorry to have hurt your feelings but I do think dummies are unnatural! I can’t help that! And I do think they are misused, frequently. And no I can’t tell from
Looking at a child whether or not they are preterm or how I feel
About the dummy use but 100% of
The people I know
Personally just used them for the easy life.

Seaweed42 · 25/01/2019 11:37

*absolutely fine

SoyDora · 25/01/2019 11:39

Yeah, much better to be ‘natural’ and end up spending a week in intensive care. Obviously.

alphajuliet123 · 25/01/2019 11:40

What a wonderful Idea!!!!!

Thanks. Sounds like a bit of psychological warfare is needed! It's really important that the kids feel it's their own decision and know it's irreversible, especially if dad/MIL aren't going to back OP up!

MarthasGinYard · 25/01/2019 11:40

Already damage probably done to his teeth. I think you are both incredibly stupid. Child is NT. 8 years old.

Dummy should just go as it should have years ago

Feel sorry for dc