8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

[Throughthewardrobe664]

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

8 is far to old. My 4 year old still has hers at night, but as soon as she's asleep we take it out. She promised to throw it away soon, but we have a 2 year old and she'll just nick hers. If your son has no younger siblings with one then I'd just throw them all away.

I can appreciate how hard it is, but he really needs to give the dummy up.
I know that's easier said than done. My daughter held onto hers until she was five.
She used to sneak it to school in her pocket!
With her it was a comfort thing.
Eventually we did it just by encouraging her and rewarding her when she went without it.
It did effect her teeth though.
She was the only one of my four who had a dummy. The other 3 never took to one.

I assume if you chuck them all out you partner will just go and buy new ones. Take your DP to the dentist with you and get the dentist to explain it. 8 is absolutely ridiculous.

@throughthewordrobe I can help with costs, my daughter is having braces fitted to the cost of £3000. No idea in dummy those as we never used one but a friends son did until he was about that age. He got rid of it when he had she arranged a sleepover as he was to embarrassed to use it, it is just a habit.

Has your 8yo seen himself in the mirror? That might make him realise.

To be honest if it weren't for the teeth issue and if the dummy was only for sleeping I wouldn't see it as a problem but if it is damaging his teeth then it needs to go and he is old enough to understand that too.

I had a dummy till ages 5-6 and I was the only one of my friends who DIDNT need braces, so I think the teeth hysteria is about silly. My friends with the worst teeth didn’t even have a dummy 🤷‍♀️

Can you agree he can keep it but not put it in his mouth? So keep it under his pillow, hold it etc? If it’s a comfort item it’ll be hard to let go of, but getting him to stop sucking seems the first reasonable step.

Does he have additional needs?

You have my sympathies my son (who has ASD, ADHD and a sleep disorder) only gave his dummy up aged 7. Mostly this was because of the sleep disorder and meltdown aspect and I was dreading approaching it with him (single mum, always knackered). I did in the end and... it was surprisingly easy after all. I started by explaining they were bad for his teeth especially as his grown up ones were starting to come through and we chucked them in the bin together. He got a prize (horrendous looking action figure toy of his choosing) for being so grown up about it all.

Honestly, bin the lot in one go. He will thank you one day even if it’s hard right now.

I don't know - I sucked my fingers until I went to secondary school. And it took me another year or so to break the habit properly. 30 years later and I still occasionally wake up with my fingers in my mouth. Plenty of parents of 8 yr olds are trying to get them to stop sucking their thumbs.

He's old enough to realise that he needs to give it up. But it's a powerfully comforting thing; I can still remember how horrible it was to be nagged endlessly about stopping. It's not actually that easy.

You need to help him break the habit, replace the urge with something else to do at bedtime. Read a book, listen to a tape? I don't know. But cut him some slack if he doesn't get it right away. He's not being deliberately difficult and we all dislike giving up things that we enjoy.

I would get rid this weekend. Just do it. Don't make your DS feel bad about having had it for so long. Just sit him down, calmly say now is the time, he's not to worry and he'll be OK without it. Buy him a big treat for getting rid of it and don't ever go back. Be firm, be positive and take control!

I had a dummy till ages 5-6 and I was the only one of my friends who DIDNT need braces, so I think the teeth hysteria is about silly.

That's a ridiculous statement to make. Just because anecdotally you had no issues doesn't mean that children who use dummies for a prolonged period of time do not have an increased risk of dental issues.

You were lucky to not have needed intervention in correcting your teeth, but pointing out that using a dummy will damage teeth is not hysteria the OP has already said it's started to affect his teeth.

I think like many illnesses it's partially due to environment (ie Dummy, teeth grinding) and partially due to genetics.

DD1 had hers removed at 4. She sent them to the dummy fairy who gave them to little girls and boys who are tiny and need them more.

Does he have a favourite teddy or snuggly? He could try cuddling them instead.

It'll be harder the older he gets unfortunately.

Surely at this age he could potentially bite the end off and choke even? perhaps I'm worrying about that unnecessarily.

I feel for the op, it has just become a comfort and obsession to him and probably harder to get it off him now then at 2 when he could be for more easily manipulated and very small children forget things easily.

I know my 8 year old is like an elephant, she never forgets for instance if I say I'll buy you those slippers next week ect

DD2 never likely them really until a few months ago at 2. Don't let her use them though she just nicks her older cousins one.

This is so minor. So what if he has a dummy at night time? It doesn't affect his life in any way. It isn't causing him distress. Plenty of people suck their thumb, sleep with a teddy, or hug a cushion. Leave him be.

What do you mean, refuses? Take them away and dispose of them.

Ummmm this was me as a 6 year old. Take them to the dentist and get them to explain what it’s doing to their teeth and about braces (true or not) scared me into giving mine up. Good luck!

Sorry should have added, as a mum of a child with SN I know it’s not always as simple as what I said and I recognise it went so well for my son chucking out the dummies because of pure luck really. It can be much harder for other children with SN. Also my son has started relying on his teddies for comfort far more since giving up the dummy but that’s lovely imo. It might be a lot harder if your child doesn’t have teddies they like much as a comforter. But definitely if you can, get rid of the dummies ASAP.

DD had a blanky and thumb sucked (after I took the dummy ironically). At about age 4 we had a few discussions about it and I said to her about teeth and also that she needed to learn to sleep without them, I would chat every night about how important it was and we did a gradual withdrawal, so she would have her blanky on the pillow near her, then teddy had it for ages etc. With the thumb she would go of with it in her mouth but then I would pop it out and it didn't go back in again (I used to check so I could pop it out again) and then she would tuck her hands under the pillow or fold them together and fall asleep (was so cute) she really tried hard to stop but it took about a year all told but was far more gentle than chucking it in the bin.

Just to add to the voices that it is not more normal or acceptable than you think and you are right to want to get it sorted. I don’t think your child will thank you for it when they are older. Your dh/mil is doing your child a massive disservice by sabotaging precious attempts to break the habit and by letting it continue.

Work on your child. Get them to agree/understand then remove them all from the house so that no one can cave in. It’s the only way. I do think it won’t be as bad as you or the child thinks but to be fair I’ve only had experience of doing this at 3/4 not 8.

Dgs 1 ‘sent his dummies to the dummy fairy for the babies’ when he was 3. He asked for one a couple of times but soon settled.
Dgs 2 never took to a dummy but sucked his thumb from birth. He will be 10 next month and is still struggling to give up. You can’t throw away a thumb! Unless your ds has sn just insist on getting rid of the dummies. He will be a laughing stock if his friends find out.

Just tell him he’s too old for a dummy and take them away? That’s what I did with mine aged 2...

My dd is 4 in April and we’ve just taken hers away.
As she’s still little enough to believe in magic and stuff, we went down the dummy fairy route - and her preschool are playing along too. We told her that when children get too old for dummy’s, the dummy fairy comes and collects them so she can give them to newborn babies who need them more than she does.
You might struggle with bullshitting him with the dummy fairy at 8 though

Does he like marmite, if not wash them in it, every day while he is at school, so when he tastes it, it's not nice.

And I suggest good old bribery too - buy your child a new soft toy or something they’ve been wanting in exchange for getting rid of the dummies.