8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

[Throughthewardrobe664]

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

Go triple cold turkey...it'll probably be easier in the long run.

The littler ones are old enough to give theirs to the dummy fairy and the older one would probably follow their example if he was the only one still with it.

You might have a few bad nights, do it over half term or something, but 3 gone at once will be better in the long run.

crispy just out of interest what would even be wrong with using it for an easy life? Life is hard and there's no medals for making it harder. There's no reward for martyrdom.

Can you speak to him. Sit him down tell him the damage it's doing to his teeth, show him in the mirror, tell him he needs to show his younger siblings how well he can give up a dummy so they will copy him when they're a bit older. If he's using it as a comforter can you take him to buy a new soft toy/blanket instead, make a big deal out if how grown up he is. My 7 year old would understand this so I'm sure you're 8 year old would.

Seline

I just think it’s lazy. I don’t know - maybe I’m the idiot 🤷🏻‍♀️ It just bothers me in a way I can’t really verbalise, I don’t understand why have children if you are going to cut corners when it comes to comforting them, but then I suppose you could take that to the extreme and then it becomes ridiculous.

Why did you continue to give your child a dummy beyond 2 years old?

It was your choice to continue with the ‘easy’ life and give the damn dummy, you must have bought new ones in the last 6 years.

Throw the dummies away, tell your 8 year old having a dummy is no longer an option, enjoy some sleepless nights and tantrums and welcome to the world of parenting. It’s not all fun and games but you’re the adult here and being a parent is tough. Toughen up and start parenting your child.

crispy having children doesn't mean you should have to do nothing else but feed and change children. Plus some kids are really difficult. My DS2 is the easiest, most placid child I've ever had. If he'd been my only I'd be so confused why people think parenting is hard. His twin sister, DD, won't be put down. Ever. She has to be with me almost constantly or she cries and screams. DD nearly died several times and had horrible but necessary procedures done, and as a result she's very fretful. If I spent all my time comforting her, and I spent as much as I possibly can doing it, I would never spend any time with my boys or even sleep. As it happens she won't take a dummy anyway so I've learned to do most things one handed lol

I’m not sure an NT child would still be reliant on a dummy at 8 TBH. It may be worth seeing if there are other issues around anxiety etc

I am 51 and I still suck my thumb! He will give it up when he is ready, at least he isn't a thumb sucker like me, you can't get rid of a thumb when you want to.

I don’t understand why have children if you are going to cut corners when it comes to comforting them

But you do understand that all children are different, right? And all circumstances are different? Maybe your child was happy being comforted with a cuddle. As I said above, my DD2 was literally only happy if she was attached to my nipple and it led to me developing sepsis. Of course I wasn’t going to risk that again, that would be stupid, no? So when I got out of intensive care I gave her a dummy. Which we got rid of easily just before she turned 2 (she only ever had it for sleep) and she has beautiful teeth.

That dummy should have been gone way before school age. Collect them up, chuck them in the bin and be done.

I was with a girl at school who still sucked her thumb at 18, I expect she still does.

I might think like you crispy if I'd only had DS, he's a happy little soul who never needed the comfort of a dummy. He could always be rocked and shushed if he got upset.

DD was somewhat different. Until you've had a child with an all consuming need to suck, who you can't put down and who will scream for literally hours until you feel suicidal then you won't get it.

Why do you use them in the first place?

Because one day when I had limped to the neonatal unit to see my tiny premature baby in his incubator, the highly qualified medical professionals there told me to buy him one and had already given him one. He stopped using them before he was 2 and has no problems with his teeth - unlike his thumb sucking cousin. I don't think I did the wrong thing at all.

HTH

Until you've had a child with an all consuming need to suck, who you can't put down and who will scream for literally hours until you feel suicidal then you won't get it

Yes, and this. You may think it’s ‘cutting corners’, but for me it was about survival. I still cry when I think about those first few months with DD2 and it was 3.5 years ago.

At the end of the day op you are the parent and it is now damaging your ds teeth. Get rid of the dummies for all 3 and hopefully in time to prevent your younger 2 from suffering damage to their teeth. It's beyond irresponsible that you have let this go on to this stage.

cooldarkroom
that was probably me!!

I’d throw it away right now.

I suspect there are loads of 8 year olds (and older) who still have a dummy or suck thumbs/fingers. The outrage on this thread points to why it is kept private.

Me, I sucked my fingers until I was about 16 (40 years ago). It was a hugely important source of comfort to me during a childhood that was turbulent and often unhappy. I hated having to give up (and part of me wishes I hadn't...).

You need to get your OH onside if you're going to succeed in getting rid of the dummy, however you go about it. Good luck!

Tbf I think you are all right - May well change my tune after a second

Unless in a couple of years you want a tbdl on your hands, I’d suggest you get rid of them pronto.

Though DS is only comforted with a nipple and sleeps on me, hates the buggy and it’s Latched on all the time. But not sure how a second would work like that

When you say your Dh gives in, does Dh have a secret stash of dummies somewhere so he can produce them if Ds comes looking for one? What happens if you say no to Ds? Does he cry? Throw every dummy in the house into the bin and tell your Ds that he is too old for them. I just cannot believe anyone would leave a child this age to have a dummy. Your MIL doesn't get a say. And your Dh would need to cop the fuck on.

Why are you only seeking advice to get the dummy off the 8 year old? Surely you understand you should really be trying to get them off the 2 and 3 year old's by now too?

my ds8 still has a blankee and succks his thumb.i cany throw that off a multi storey car park.is it just at bedtime?(blankee is)does child sleep well?