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Original poster

8 year old refuses to give up dummy!

217 replies

Throughthewardrobe664 · 25/01/2019 09:51

Ds is 8 and still has a dummy at bedtime. I think that he's far too old for it, it has had an effect on his teeth causing them to grow in squint. OH however doesn't find this a big deal and says "just let him have it," "it's not that big a deal" "he'll lose it in his own time." Well so far he hasn't lost it, and it's beginning to get ridiculous. I have butt heads with him and MIL over this before, neither of them see the problem.

I've posted about this same thing about two years ago, when MIL helped a lot with child care. She no longer does this often but still very much backs up OH in saying that it can stay. Every time I've tried to get rid of then, OH or MIL caves. This infuriatesme, but in the end I always accept it.

Is this more normal/acceptable than it seems and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? I feel terrible for taking away his comfort, but it REALLY needs to go. And support or strategies anyone out there has?

OP posts:
Jens303 · 25/01/2019 12:19

This reply has been deleted

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MarthasGinYard · 25/01/2019 12:30

Same thread a couple of years ago when dc was 6

Will there be one at 10 Op?

NutElla5x · 25/01/2019 12:31

NutElla bit shallow to focus on straight teeth don't you think? Especially condoning humiliation and emotional abuse of a child in the name of straight teeth.

Dramatic much Hmm

Listen all of my kids had (and loved their) dummies as babies, so I know how hard it is to wean them off them,but you do it no matter how tough it is at the time, because you know that's the best thing for them. If I saw an 8 year old (non special needs) sucking on a dummy I would automatically think it's parents were lazy,feckless people who were putting their need for an easy life ahead of their child's welfare.
Regarding my saying about showing a picture to his classmates,well obviously I wouldn't actually do it,but if all else failed and he continued to whinge,whine and tantrum after trying the usual methods to get him to stop (which as the kid is so old I'm guessing most other means have been tried) too right I would threaten him with it.

Moondancer73 · 25/01/2019 12:33

Far too old to have a dummy. You've already damaged his teeth - has your dentist not said something? Our dentist told us to get rid of our son's dummy at two, which we did. You are the adult here, since your son 'refuses' you simply remove them! When he is getting teased for protruding teeth you will be the ones with a very upset child - be responsible about this!

imanoldbattleaxe · 25/01/2019 12:38

Tell him he will have to go back in Nappies, same bedtime as the babies, no electronics etc etc etc. Be strong. He NEEDS to give it up!

TonTonMacoute · 25/01/2019 13:19

Yes, it needs to go, but at 8 your DS needs to be fully involved in the process. I speak as someone who kept using a dummy until I was 8 too.

I can remember exactly why I liked it, it was nothing babyish, it was just the purely practical reason that stopped my mouth drying up at nigh!

Eventually I had to go into hospital to have my tonsils out and my DM pointed out that if I took a dummy into the ward everyone would think I was a baby. I saw the logic of this, and that was that. My teeth were fine too, btw.

Discuss, explain and develop an alternative with your DS. Find out why he still likes it and find an alternative. Perhaps a nice new water bottle to go by his bed?

SushiMonster · 25/01/2019 13:25

Does he have additional needs, I cannot imagine an 8 year old who still uses a dummy unless he doesn't fully comprehend the damage it is doing.

WTF? Are you totally clueless?

It’s a compulsive and self soothing experience.

Why do children and adults bite their nails? Even though they know it looks bad? Pick scabs? Even though they know it will scar? Pull their hair? Suck their thumb? (Yes thumb sucking doesn’t immediately stop at age 3 either)

SushiMonster · 25/01/2019 13:27

FYI shaming children about habits like this “you’re a baby, you’re going back in nappies if you don’t stop” is terrible parenting and counterintuitive.

More likely to lead to more of the behaviour you’re trying to stop if they feel anxious or upset.

thaegumathteth · 25/01/2019 13:31

Dd is 8 and hasn’t had a dummy since she was 2. I know a few of her friends had them when they started school at 5 but I’m 99% certain they’ve all got rid of them now. Has he never been on a sleepover or beavers camp or anything? You definitely need to get rid of it and now tbh. It’s damaging his teeth and will make him unable to go on sleepover and stuff.

You’ll need to replace the comfort aspect though so maybe a new teddy? Or sit with him for a bit at bedtime ? FWIW dd still sucks at bedtime and in her sleep but just on her tongue. Doesn’t cause teeth issues but I can hear her sucking from her room.

Pk37 · 25/01/2019 13:34

DD was 5 and I thought that was bad !
We just told her one day that it was lost and we wouldn’t buy anymore as she’s too old. She cried for about an hour but then she was fine ..
Was much easier than I thought actually

Wheeesht · 25/01/2019 13:39

An adult I know still sucks her thumb. I believe it's a form of OCD. Similar to people who pluck their eyelashes out. I'm not sure it's as easy as just saying 'stop being a baby'.

payperview · 25/01/2019 13:48

I sucked my thumb until I was 11. I just couldn't stop myself before then. It was only the realisation that I was starting secondary school soon that stopped me.

LettuceP · 25/01/2019 13:51

Just throw them in the bin! I'm sorry but having a dummy at 8 years old is ridiculous. 3 and 2 are too old as well so just chuck all the dummies in the bin and deal with the fallout for a few days and then it's over.

mummyhaschangedhername · 25/01/2019 14:04

This isn't going to go well for you OP.

It's not getting ridiculous, take all the dummies away, all three of your children can do without it.

In the bigger picture is it causing harm? Yes actually. It's damaging his teeth and he's learning defiance, you take it away, he plays up, his dad gives it back.

It needs to stop, you can't just blame your husband and mother in law.

It's odd he still wants it. Mine would recoil in horror at the suggestion. I guess it's just a habit but one you should have broken a limb gimme ago, unfortunately by not dealing with it when you should have the situation had gotten worse. There is not much more to say really, you need to take it away. Do it now. Remove them all, in the bin gone. All the children. No one can do this for you, you just have to do it.

Seline · 25/01/2019 14:07

Slightly crooked teeth from a dummy at night hardly constitutes "harm". There's a lot of hyperbole on this thread.

Nomorepies · 25/01/2019 14:09

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

HairyToity · 25/01/2019 14:11

Not read thread. If your son has special needs I'd consider it staying. Otherwise get rid. Be firm.

ThatThingYouDo · 25/01/2019 14:27

Seline

Slightly crooked teeth from a dummy at night hardly constitutes "harm". There's a lot of hyperbole on this thread.

Some side effects of long term usage of dummies aren't obvious until teenage years.

I speak from experience, 3 major jaw surgeries and counting. All due to dummies until the age of 5, in the expert opinion of an orthodontist and oral surgeon.

My problems were apparent at 5 but the full extent became apparent when I was 10-11 years old.

So, yes actually, they do cause harm.

Seline · 25/01/2019 14:29

That I'd imagine that's fairly rare? I'm sorry that happened to you though.

ThatThingYouDo · 25/01/2019 14:35

Seline Thank you I appreciate that.

It's not as rare as you might think. Depends how long you have the dummies for and whether you have a predisposition to dental problems.

There is no benefit in having dummies past a certain (very young) age, so why take the chance.

My mum and dad live with the guilt that their decision to let me have dummies for so long, is the reason I am still having dental treatment and surgery well into my 30's.

MumW · 25/01/2019 14:38

I really, really don't like dummies. I resisted for weeks and weeks with DD1 but in the end it was either a dummy or no nipples and no respite.

I was very strict about it and it was only allowed for sleep/bedtime. I was really worried as a friend's child had a dummy ALL the time and it affected her speech. She's in her 20s and I can still hear the effects, although not so pronounced.

I can't remember how it went but both DH and I were on the same page and we didn't have MIL undermining us.

Could you organise a sleepover? Surely he wouldn't use it with his friends there and then you can say you managed without it last night....
Maybe the sleepover could be the bribe?

Seline · 25/01/2019 14:41

That I suppose because I rarely used a dummy but still had issues with teeth (I have a tiny jaw so had to have multiple teeth removed and braces because my mouth is too small for them) that I worry it won't actually prevent anything.

BeekyChitch · 25/01/2019 14:46

Well someone is buying your son the dummy's. Throw them away, don't buy any or allow any into the house and he can go cold turkey. 8 years is far too old to be having a dummy. If his friends find out just think how embarrassing that will be for him. Your MIL and OH are being ridiculous. Show them this thread.

ThatThingYouDo · 25/01/2019 14:52

Seline

Avoiding dummies isn't a guarantee to having good teeth, but it will stop underlying problems being exacerbated.

My bottom jaw didn't develop at all, and dummies were a major factor in stopping it growing properly.

Dummies are wholly unnecessary and more likely to cause problems if used for a long time than not.

It might be the case that if you had dummies for a long time as a child, that your dental problems could have been even worse.