Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH hugs me and tells me he loves me

309 replies

PaperHalo · 25/01/2019 05:55

AIBU to be cross with my OH for hugging me and telling me he loves me in the morning?

We have an 8 week old DD who sleeps more or less through the night and will wake anything between 04.00 and 07.00. I’m still getting up in the night to express ‘the good milk’ as DD has some health issues so we’ve been advised to make sure she gets it even if she won’t wake to feed.

OH goes to work at 05.15 and EVERY morning he comes into the bedroom and gets in bed next to me, cuddles me and talks to me!!! He isn’t satisfied with just a sleepy grunt in return, he keeps going until I answer him properly and engage in whatever pointless little conversation he feels he needs to have at 05.15!! He will often message me later to ask if I’m ok as ‘you seemed a bit off this morning’!! Well yes!! Yes I am!! You are waking me up!! I don’t need to be awake right now! I could be getting some precious sleep!! But you are waking me up!!

I wouldn’t mind but he sleeps in the spare room at night to make sure he isn’t disturbed by me or baby while he gets his precious sleep!!!

Am unreasonable to hate him just a little for doing this???

OP posts:
why100000 · 25/01/2019 05:58

No you are not being unreasonable. Have you asked him not to do it?

Imsosorryalan1 · 25/01/2019 05:58

He's a cock. Have you told him how much this bothers you? He sounds needy/clingy

Cherrysherbet · 25/01/2019 05:59

YANBU. He is being a selfish arse. Sleep is sooo precious when you have a baby.

TanteRose · 25/01/2019 06:00

just tell him then...

UrsulaPandress · 25/01/2019 06:01

When you wake to express, pop into the spare room and sit on the bed and chat to him whilst you do it.

Shoxfordian · 25/01/2019 06:01

Have you clearly told him not to come in and wake you up? He sounds like a knob

why100000 · 25/01/2019 06:02

(I was thinking that I would have loved my dh to hug me and tell me he loved me - he was completely unaffectionate and it’s one of the reasons we are now divorced. Then I read that it happens at the crack of dawn and while you are trying to catch up on sleep and thought - nah Grin. Is your dh a little needy?)

NellaBonella · 25/01/2019 06:02

How about when you wake up in the night with the baby you do the same to him and see how he appreciates being disturbed.
Your title makes it sound like a quick goodbye before work but what he is actually doing is thoughtless

Puggles123 · 25/01/2019 06:03

He probably thinks he is being sweet and wants to see you before work, have you told him not to? If you have and he is still doing it then that’s a different matter.

Oysterbabe · 25/01/2019 06:03

I wouldn't be standing for that.

amilosingitor · 25/01/2019 06:07

Wow. How oblivious can someone be. He'd be getting a swift fuck off from me!!

HAMGina · 25/01/2019 06:08

Nah, he's doing this on purpose - he's awake so he's gonna make sure you're awake too.

Shoxfordian · 25/01/2019 06:10

He doesn't think he's being sweet Hmm

I get up at 6 for work, I don't go kiss my fiance even though I love him because he's sleeping. Its basic consideration

jessstan2 · 25/01/2019 06:10

He really shouldn't disturb you like that, your baby is still very tiny and needy and you need as much sleep as you can grab. Try and explain it tactfully to him because I'm sure he means no harm, probably thinks you'll go straight back to sleep after he has gone but we know it doesn't work like that.

bigchris · 25/01/2019 06:11

Has He always done this?

He might have read that separate rooms cause problems long term and is panicking

We slept separately when ours were young and still do

Oceanbliss · 25/01/2019 06:11

Yanbu. Sleep deprivation is awful and he is depriving you of sleep. Wake him up every time you get up during the night to express milk. Cuddle him, tell him you love him and have a pointless conversation with him. If he doesn't like it and mentions that he has to go to work remind him that looking after the needs of an infant is work too and you need to be well rested. Mutual respect goes a long way.

CircleofWillis · 25/01/2019 06:11

As pps have suggested, pop in when you get up to express to cuddle him awake and discuss the quantity and quality of your early morning milk and how sweet your dc is when she is sleeping.

beach1800 · 25/01/2019 06:14

I'll never understand people who simply can't tell their partners could they please stop doing something as it is annoying! If you ask him to stop I'm guessing he would!

Boysandbuses · 25/01/2019 06:18

Have you actually told him this?

Dp liked me doing this. But mainly because he worked nights so wasn't fully asleep, just. When he come off nights and I did it, he realised it wasn't as nice when he was fully asleep. He simply said he appreciated me doing because he had said he liked it. But now could I stop. So I stopped.

Not a big deal.

Somuchroom · 25/01/2019 06:19

You are not being unreasonable at all. I’m feel really bad for you. You are clearly a much more controlled person than me because I would have been livid the very first time he pulled a stunt like that and would have made it perfectly known. Please tell him this ends now. It’s so important you sleep. Sleep deprivation can and does break people. Flowers

pictish · 25/01/2019 06:30

Hell no you are not being fucking unreasonable. I take it you have expressed your feelings about this to him?

If he still insists on doing it, it’s not about love is it? It’s fuckery.

Original poster
PaperHalo · 25/01/2019 06:31

I have told him! More than once but more of a mentioning it in passing kind of way, he thinks it’s nice and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem... I don’t push it as even though it is annoying, I don’t think it’s worth an argument. Maybe I’ll just casually start rocking in on him when he is sleeping... maybe then he will get the message!!

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 25/01/2019 06:32

Mine leaves at the same time in the morning, he knows that if I'm up he can talk. If I'm not its a quick kiss and go thing, he doesnt wake me because hes respectful of the fact that I'm up at night and he's not, your dp is a disrespectful asswipe and needs telling not to bloody wake you up

Cauliflowersqueeze · 25/01/2019 06:33

Just tell him you don’t want him to come in and wake you. Leave a note on the door saying “love you too, bye!” And tell him to read that.
If he comes in again then tell him to expect a visit the following night at 2am when you have lots to discuss.

Arse

Queenofthestress · 25/01/2019 06:33

Don't mention it in passing, bloody tell him - do not wake me up under no circumstances!