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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH hugs me and tells me he loves me

309 replies

PaperHalo · 25/01/2019 05:55

AIBU to be cross with my OH for hugging me and telling me he loves me in the morning?

We have an 8 week old DD who sleeps more or less through the night and will wake anything between 04.00 and 07.00. I’m still getting up in the night to express ‘the good milk’ as DD has some health issues so we’ve been advised to make sure she gets it even if she won’t wake to feed.

OH goes to work at 05.15 and EVERY morning he comes into the bedroom and gets in bed next to me, cuddles me and talks to me!!! He isn’t satisfied with just a sleepy grunt in return, he keeps going until I answer him properly and engage in whatever pointless little conversation he feels he needs to have at 05.15!! He will often message me later to ask if I’m ok as ‘you seemed a bit off this morning’!! Well yes!! Yes I am!! You are waking me up!! I don’t need to be awake right now! I could be getting some precious sleep!! But you are waking me up!!

I wouldn’t mind but he sleeps in the spare room at night to make sure he isn’t disturbed by me or baby while he gets his precious sleep!!!

Am unreasonable to hate him just a little for doing this???

OP posts:

StoppinBy · 25/01/2019 07:11

Just do it when you are both relaxed, I wouldn't talk to him in the morning as he will feel rejected and you will feel P!!!ed off and it probably wont go so well lol.

cushioncuddle · 25/01/2019 07:12

You don't need to argue about it . You can just talk to him.

Tell him why you don't want him too in a nice way.
I'm so tired from waking in the night please don't wake me before you go to work as I need the sleep.

Cheerbear23 · 25/01/2019 07:13

I see this as deliberately waking you up and I would be angry about this. He will realise he’s doing it but has carried on putting his own needs to have a conversation at 5.15 over your need to sleep - it’s selfish behaviour disguised as a ‘cuddle’. Get him told properly!

SlowlyShrinking · 25/01/2019 07:13

You need to start waking him when you’re up with the baby or expressing at night. He’s waking you on purpose. Hopefully that will stop him so you can get some sleep and consider whether you like being with him or not. He sounds horrible btw!

beach1800 · 25/01/2019 07:13

If it causes an argument to make to stop then so be it. Time to put your big girl pants on and tell him you need sleep and a nice a morning text would do instead!

Fowles94 · 25/01/2019 07:14

One swift right hand to the face will solve that, just say it was spasm.

strawberrypenguin · 25/01/2019 07:14

God I wouldn't put up with that. He's being a dick. I'd have a proper conversation with him about it and if he did it again my only response would 'fuck off'.

He shouldn't be waking you up for a chat at that time in the morning and I'd bet he's doing it because 'he's awake so you should be too'

Does he ever get up with baby at the weekend to give you a lay in?

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/01/2019 07:15

"He can only ever shout and swear," - there's a deliberate reason for that, which seems to be working very well for him. I would imagine that in his workplace he sometimes has disagreements? Does he manage those by shouting and swearing too?

Original poster

PaperHalo · 25/01/2019 07:16

Stoppinby I think you are right, it’s pointless telling him at the time as I will be a cranky cow and it won’t come out well!!

Countrygirl99 you just woke my baby as I laughed out loud about the carridge clock!!

OP posts:

pictish · 25/01/2019 07:16

So he’s a common garden wanker who uses anger to dominate then.
Sorry to hear it. He’s not a ‘good guy’ if he insists on disturbing your sleep and you are too afraid of him to tell him no. Sorry.

Honeyroar · 25/01/2019 07:18

I’d have a bloody argument about it if he did that to me! It’d be “piss off and shut the door on your way out!”, never mind humouring him with chats.

If you don’t feel up to the discussion about it you could always play the passive aggressive game and take baby in to him during the 2am feed - “wake up daddy, baby has come to say hello and have a cuddle...”

53rdWay · 25/01/2019 07:19

It shouldn’t cause an argument, because any considerate man would be horrified to think he was disturbing your sleep like that and would want you to tell him so he could stop.

Although, a considerate man wouldn’t do this in the first place because it’s obvious you don’t wake others at 5.15am. I leave early for work and I feel guilty if I wake the cat, let alone any of the sleeping humans! Maybe he’s just a bit dim... but the fact you already know this will turn into an argument and that he might shout and swear about it, suggests he’s not dim, he just doesn’t care about what you want.

MiniCooperLover · 25/01/2019 07:20

He feels like if he has to be awake at 5.15 and heading to work that you should wake up too, why should you be allowed to sleep? He needs to be told to stop it.

Holidayshopping · 25/01/2019 07:20

I agree with Pictish-he’s been a twat. If he then gets angry when you ask him to stop, he’s just an angry twat.

UniversalAunt · 25/01/2019 07:24

He is in spare room. Why?
I assume to get a decent night of sleep so he can function well enough at work.

In the middle of the night when you are up to express milk for the health of the baby you have together, crash into the spare room, flung on all the electric lights, and wake him for a chat whilst you are expressing milk. Seems only kind, fair & reasonable.

Seriously, Friday & Saturday nights are not school nights with a prompt morning start, so I assume you both sleep together then or that you have the spare room to catch up on lost sleep. If not, start tonight.

EarlyBird39 · 25/01/2019 07:30

This reply has been deleted

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MaraScottie · 25/01/2019 07:35

I would absolutely kill him.

cees · 25/01/2019 07:35

You are being a bit of a walk over, tell him and if it's takes showing how annoyed you then do it. He obviously isn't worried about upsetting you so sort it out and stop keeping the peace for him.

SlowlyShrinking · 25/01/2019 07:38

I think he loves you and you're an idiot. I feel sorry for you husband

I’m assuming this is a joke, but if not, can you explain why you feel sorry for him?

twirlbabytwirl · 25/01/2019 07:38

Earlybird clearly your deranged.

Ozziewozzie · 25/01/2019 07:39

He’s doing it from guilt. He’s probably sat in spare room having a wank followed by great night sleep. He feels guilty just going straight out the door, so feels he needs to reassure you.

Tartsamazeballs · 25/01/2019 07:39

@Earlybird you're a total fucking plum 😂 suppose you saw the handmaid's tale as a nice, heartwarming possibility too?

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 25/01/2019 07:40

Yeah yeah, DFOD to the above comment.

This is incredibly annoying and done more than a couple of times would definitely be worth an argument. Not that it should result in an argument, as others have already said.

He should respect your wishes. I’d tell him once more, without any deference on your part, that what he is doing is not loving, it’s not cosy, it’s actually incredibly selfish, entitled and if he continues will be deliberately malicious because you have made it clear you do not want to be woken at that hour.

If he doesn’t stop it I would start going in and waking him up and making his sleep as uncomfortable and as broken as possible for as long as it takes for him to get the message.

What a twatty thing to do.

QuarterMileAtATime · 25/01/2019 07:41

My DP used to do this. He absolutely was just being sweet. He’s one of these people who drifts easily back off to sleep and would welcome a cuddly wake up at anytime! When I explained that sometimes I could have been awake in the night for hours and just dropped back off at 5am (don’t need to be up until 7.15!), and please don’t wake me before leaving, he stopped - and also now puts everything he needs to dress etc downstairs. That’s it - he said sorry, meant it, and stopped. Ask him to stop when you’re calm though; if you let it build up and snap at him, it’s less likely to go well. Easier said than done when you’re sleep-deprives with a baby, I know.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 25/01/2019 07:42

Just to be clear DFOD was to the either very stupid or very today person above that posted the ‘you’re an idiot’ comment.

It’s not clever.

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