Tell me - is this rascist?

[PooleySpooley]

Son is mixed race. I am white as are his siblings. He has rarely experienced any racism. He has a really good relationship with his father and his family who I am not with.

He has a PT job.

He told me today that while he is working the checkout he often gets asked “where he is from” and when he says “here” the questioner will probe “originally”.

This shocked me and pissed me off because in my head the questioner is probing more because his answer is unacceptable to them because DS doesn’t look like what the questioners idea of what a British person looks like.

A very good friend says he should be encouraged to be proud of his heritage (which he is but there are many strands to that as it’s a grandparent who is Asian and he has three other grandparents) and is it ok for him to be asked this continually?

It's one of those questions I get asked - I find it annoying but generally I know people aren't going out of their way to be racist/silly.

It's just one of those things they probably haven't even realised they're doing.

No, I don’t think it is ok, there is an assumption being made

I don't think it's okay. It's even less okay to question his response.

If he were also white and asked the same question, would it bother you so much?

I am English and live in Scotland. I started a new job this week, met an English person who asked where I'm from. I explained which side of town. He said, but where originally? I said oh, Newcastle. Not bothered, it's a genuine question. The difference being that he didn't know I wasn't local until I spoke to him as opposed to because of my appearance.

It’s ignorant

It’s not ok. I may ask someone with an obvious accent. (I find accents and dialect fascinating. I am sad like that!) But these comments assume only an obviously white person can be British. And anyway what relevance does it have to the job he’s doing?

He has dark skin, his eyes are beautifully half mine and half Mongolian hooded and he has an Afro.

He has a local accent though.

No, I would not like this.

I think it's racist. My mixed race friend gets asked this regularly- she's a doctor- and she hates it.

The thing is my white kids with the same accent are never asked this.

Justgive - you weren't asked because of the colour of your skin, so your experience is irrelevant.

I definitely think this is racist. My children also have an asian grandparent but are white skinned. They never get asked this.

Yes of course it’s racist.

Justgivemeasoddingname

I think I’d feel different because you are from somewhere different originally. Presumably people can tell from your accent. OP’s son ISN’T from anywhere else. He’s British!

I’m now wondering if the people asking him are around his age and actually fancy him and are trying to make conversation.
Still wouldn’t occur to me to grill some poor person trying to do their job over their heritage. I would file it under none of my business.

I have had this soo many times.
One time it went like this

"Where you from ?" Asked the newsagent

"England " was my reply which is true

"Hahaha , no I meant originally !" he responded

I then replied with only one of my parents ethnicity as I'm mixed black but can't be bothered to go into it once again to a stranger.

" haha England !! Haha ! Crazy !" Was the newsagent reply .

I then left after paying for my things.

And really I should of replied "what's so funny I am from England I was born here why do I need to explain my ethnicity to you"

And comment "originally from " so bloody ignorant and rude.

Yes it is racist. And micro-aggressions like this add up to a very stressful and difficult life for people of colour, even if nobody ever calls them offensive names etc.

It might not seem like a big deal to most white people, but all these subtle "you aren't one of us/don't belong here" comments have a measurable impact.

E.g. babies of women of colour are more likely to be born prematurely and/or have worse outcomes in general. This is true even when other factors are controlled for, and the conclusion was that it is due to the stress of experiencing racism.

Wolfiefan

Of course they fancy him he’s mine 😂

But exactly it’s not a way to win his favour.

But @Justgivemeasoddingname when someone has an accent that isn't local, they must have picked that up from living elsewhere. When someone isn't white, it often means literally nothing. The fact is, you are from somewhere else and your accent gave that away. The OP's son isn't and his skin colour means nothing.

I think it is but in many cases may be unintentional.
I think one way to address this question would be to have an answer ready - would something like " do you mean where did my ancestors come from because that's a different question- I'm from around here!"
It may make people think but is factual and totally inoffensive as he is working

I hate this question. I live in Ger/ma/ny and have been asked this so many times. I was always proud to insist im british and to honestly state that i had never been asked this in the uk. Seems like things are changing.
Will pop back tomorrow.

An intriguing description and I don’t think you’re biased at all.
The point remains that all British people don’t look one way. And people who make a comment like that are labelling him as “other”. Not appropriate at all.
I would love to suggest a scathing and hilarious retort but prejudice pisses me off and anything I suggest would only likely end up with him getting the sack.
Here’s hoping the next generation are taught to judge people on how they behave and what they say. Not what they look like etc.
I’m still hoping.

Is it racist in a negative way though, or a general chit chat curious way? Of course its none of their business but it doesn't necessarily mean the questioners are racist in the every day accepted use of the term racist iyswim.

I think you have judged someone’s intentions. It is much more likely they were making conversation. Most people want to connect but don’t really know how to do it. I got all sort of weird comments when I was preggars. I mean who comments on a woman’s size? - well lots in my case. I could have spent time and energy on being offended instead I chose to see it for what it was.

I guess I think people sometime attribute things as racism because that’s the filter they see from - when really it’s more people are just thoughtless in general.

No I don’t think it is meant as rascist but it’s a worrying mindset isn’t it?