Tell me - is this rascist?

[PooleySpooley]

Son is mixed race. I am white as are his siblings. He has rarely experienced any racism. He has a really good relationship with his father and his family who I am not with.

He has a PT job.

He told me today that while he is working the checkout he often gets asked “where he is from” and when he says “here” the questioner will probe “originally”.

This shocked me and pissed me off because in my head the questioner is probing more because his answer is unacceptable to them because DS doesn’t look like what the questioners idea of what a British person looks like.

A very good friend says he should be encouraged to be proud of his heritage (which he is but there are many strands to that as it’s a grandparent who is Asian and he has three other grandparents) and is it ok for him to be asked this continually?

"where are you from" means,"i do not acknowledge that you are from here"

I think it's probably one of those ignorance comments. What they mean I expect, is what ethnicity are you - mainly I would imagine because they find him attractive / can't work it out by looking at him.
Not saying it's right, just don't think it's necessarily meant as a "YOU aren't British" thing, more of a "what ethnicity were your parents / grandparents / great grandparents"

I also get asked this.

I just don't have the local accent, nothing to do with looks in my case.

“And even if you say you’re from round here I know that can’t be true because you’re not like one of us”
How can that not be horrible to hear and alienating?

I ask this all the time. I like to know where people are from. I don't mind when people ask me. It's not racist.

I think they are just curious, I don’t feel it’s racist. If your son has unusual features, it’s only natural to ask.

Most non-white Brits would have roots in a foreign country only a few generations ago (and seeing another white person wouldn’t be considered anything special for them)

Of course I’d get this question all the time in China because I was the first white person they might have seen in real life and obviously I was a foreigner .... there won’t be a sizable minority of white people born and raised in China any time soon!

I'm not sure I'd consider it racist - unbelievably ignorant yes, but racist, I'm just not sure.

I'm from a mixed background and have been asked this many times. I know when people ask, what they really mean is something like "What's your heritage" so I tend to say "Well I'm British, but my mum is bla and my dad is bla". It doesn't really bother me.

There are plenty of other things people say because I'm brown that annoy me more

I was asked at school if my mixed race daughters ever needed suntan lotion by a confused teacher,she wasn't being racist or mean,we live in a very rich village with no Asian,Indian or black people, no mixed race children at school either..my children have no problems with any questions asked by there friends as I'm not bringing them up white or black,they are two beautiful girls,I don't follow any religion & bring them up to be whatever they want 😀

At worst racist, at best extremely rude.

As an aside, many, many years ago I had s friend who was huge (tall & wide), very gay, and very black. We'd been out in a group and he insisted on seeing me home. On the bus some horrible woman started giving us filthy looks and muttering the n word.
My friend, never one for being shy, started nodding, agreeing with her and tutting - before looking down at his hand and screaming "oh no. I'm a n-. Why didn't anyone tell me?"
He also once replied to someone who asked the same question your DS was asked. "I'm from Enfield." On being pushed to where he was really from, "Alright then, Tottenham, but Enfield's nicer."

But to reject the answer “British/Bolton/Manchester” and to ask the “really from” question means that you are questioning the identity of the person and ascribing/attempting to ascribe them an identity more in line with your mindset, whatever that is. That is incredibly rude and shows lack of manners and of tact.
It is usually a certain demographic or two that probes further.

Me, husband & DD are 'White British' but we all go naturally brown/tanned if out in the sun really easily, so who knows what 'white' really is anyhow.

DD plays a sport that means she spends a lot of time outside, and therefore over the summer looks quite 'tanned'. I have genuinely been asked at a sporting event 'where her dad is from' !!! When I replied with a puzzled look Surrey, I was asked 'no, I mean originally' to which I replied - Surrey!

Some people are idiots, who asks questions like that?!. Sorry OP that your son has met some of these idiots xxxx

People who ask those with darker skin where they’re from all the time are being racist all the time.
If you want to know their ethnicity then ask them that. (Though frankly, it’s none of your business,) But most people with darker skin than you that you meet in the UK are from here. Just like you.

Partner gets it alot, most commonly from other Asian people (she isn't very typically Tamil looking and most people think she's from somewhere in India)

She's from south London and has never really found the question and it's almost inevitable follow up ("originally?" or "your heritage?") offensive as its rarely asked with an antagonistic aim, except sometimes by other Asians.

Interestingly I'm actually from another country but no one ever asks me cos I look and sound British to most

Where Are You From? The Game m.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE

I'm mixed race and get asked this a lot. I don't think it's racist. It's usually because I look unusual and they are curious what my heritage is. I agree it could be phrased better rather than 'originally from', but I know what they mean and I don't mind. I'm proud of my heritage and happy to explain. It usually leads to further friendly chat.

It is racist, and if he had the confidence I would be pointing it out to people when they first ask .... "England, why do you ask?"

People saying it's just conversation don't understand what it's like to be constantly excluded... it is a message that you don't belong.

Not remotely racist

I get asked where I'm 'originally' from all the time, I'm happy to tell

Very odd to think they're is anything racist about

The thing is if you tan well it’s not really the same as not being white, looking it and being asked about it continually and maybe that being difficult for you - is it?

There*

I am English and live in Scotland. I started a new job this week, met an English person who asked where I'm from. I explained which side of town.

Not the same thing at all Just. Not even nearly the same thing.

People are basically asking the OP’s son “why aren’t you white?”.

And should i be the illegitimate child of a Columbian oil baron, adopted for my own safety in rural Wales, but having grown up there and belonging there, and loving there, and having the language and accent, how awfully rude for a complete stranger to 1) probe and doubt why i feel Welsh and 2) basically ask about my family’s sexual history (where did those drops come from)?
Acquaintances may ask further, total strangers may not.
Sorry to anyone Welsh for that invented example. Please substitute for another example.

I live in Geneva, Switzerland, and due to the UN, there are such a mix of cultures and nationalities, that no one thinks twice of explaining their background. To me, it isn't an issue.

My friend has a mixed race husband and children and she conversationally asks people what their ethnicity is. I understand that this is ok but what you describe isn't at all.

I’m not sure it’s racist, I think it’s symptomatic of people’s misplaced curiosity, like picking up on someone’s different regional accent. YANB to find it annoying though, it’s nosey and a bit rude.

Of course it isn't. It may be personal or inappropriate but it's not racist.