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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - Splitting the cost of the bride for the hen do between the hens?

233 replies

HenDoo · 20/01/2019 23:32

I’ve name changed for this as paranoid the bridesmaids are on here! My friend’s hen do is coming up, and planning is underway for a few days abroad. I don’t know any of the bridesmaids very well, and have never met the one who is organising it.

The MOH has just put on the group chat that we will be splitting the cost of the brides share between all of us. There was no question of asking if everyone was okay with paying this, it was just kind of announced, and no one else has questioned it yet.

Am I being a tightarse for resenting being expected to stump up another £50 (minimum - might be more as still not booked anything yet)? I know it's "only" £50, but I’m on a fairly tight budget this year as hopefully buying a house, and am literally crawling towards pay day right now! I have a few hen dos to go to, which all seem to have creeping costs Confused,

Is it the norm to split the brides share of her hen do between the guests now?!

OP posts:
YouBoggleMyMind · 20/01/2019 23:34

Every hen I've been to, the cost has included covering the Bride. The cost has been split with all hens, not just the Bridesmaids though.

VenusClapTrap · 20/01/2019 23:34

If it was a meal out, or drinks in the pub (as it used to be) then yes, fair enough to pay for the bride. A few days abroad? Jog on.

Excited101 · 20/01/2019 23:36

We did, not sure if it’s the norm or not. I wasn’t hellbent on it but a couple of the others were... even a meal out we had, they insisted on paying for, which I thought was ridiculous. Hen parties have become massive suck up worship events for the bride to be tbh.

Buntybearbess · 20/01/2019 23:37

Standard here all the hens pay for the bride without her knowledge and then you hand her a purse with the money back in.

Daffodil2018 · 20/01/2019 23:38

I’ve had a mix - some where we’ve paid for the bride and some where we haven’t. I paid for myself on my own hen do polishes halo Grin

twiglet · 20/01/2019 23:39

I've had it where a meal or drinks are split between the group but not the entire thing and definitely not abroad!

I would have been horrified if my BM had asked my friends to do this!

Awittyusernameishardtofind · 20/01/2019 23:39

I think it’s the norm.

ZenNudist · 20/01/2019 23:40

A meal yes a trip no

Crunchymum · 20/01/2019 23:40

If you are so skint then don't go?

But yes paying for the hen seems to be standard.

RebeccaCloud9 · 20/01/2019 23:41

I wanted to pay for myself but my moh arranged it and charged everyone for my share. A couple of people didn't come because this made it too expensive. I was mortified and cross. I didn't know that's why they didn't come until it was too late.

ID81241 · 20/01/2019 23:41

Yes, paying for the bride is the norm but not for a holiday abroad surely?!

CoastalLife · 20/01/2019 23:42

Bloody hell. I mean it's really standard and fair enough for everyone to chuck in a tenner to cover the bride's meal/drinks etc on a normal hen do, but if she's having a foreign holiday extravaganza then no way! That's ridiculous. People get so carried away.

Returnofthesmileybar · 20/01/2019 23:43

A meal out or a night away yes imo it is the norm, a holiday abroad? Nope not the norm

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 20/01/2019 23:44

I paid for myself for my hen party. I'm just about to start arranging one of my best friends hen parties.

I discussed with her to keep costs down for potential hens that she would be paying for herself and was she ok with that. She said yes sure. So then we talked budget (she is the thriftiest person I know). So we set £200 max. We are hoping to do 2 nights away and an activity each for this. But if need be can bring it down to 1 night and I will try to come in under budget.

We are both conscious of making it work for everyone.

Flightywoman · 20/01/2019 23:47

I paid for my hen party. By which I mean I paid for, and cooked, the food, bought the booze and booked a beautician to do facials and nails for anyone who wanted. And I put the goody bags together.

I can't imagine expecting people to pay for me and especially not for a foreign trip.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 20/01/2019 23:48

One of my bridesmaids organised mine and included covering my hotel costs in everyone else’s price.

I was absolutely scundered- there’s really no need.

Bambamber · 20/01/2019 23:50

It's taking the piss when it's a few days abroad

2isabella2 · 20/01/2019 23:51

It's the norm on hen dos I've been on but not trips abroad! Normally been between £10-£15 each for the bride, not £50! My max budget I'll spend on a hen do (including travel/drinks/meals out etc) is £150 and I'm really strict on it. So I wouldn't go abroad, never mind pay an extra £50.

dinosaurdick · 20/01/2019 23:51

We've paid for the bride and it's abroad. It's worked out at £25 extra each.

elvis86 · 20/01/2019 23:54

Yeah I think it's the norm. I'd have expected that to have been included when the price was first mentioned, through - "We're going here, and it's £X per person including covering the bride". It's crap organisation for it to be added on later as an afterthought.

If there's a few of you going, it generally doesn't make much difference absorbing the cost of the bride? How much was the cost before the additional £50 was added?

Original poster
HenDoo · 20/01/2019 23:58

Nothing has actually been decided or booked yet, potential cost from what has been suggested is between £300 - 400 atm.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 20/01/2019 23:58

And this is why being a single parent comes in very handy, because you hardly ever get questioned when you say that you cant get childcare for these trips!

Dont go. Seriously, where is the big hammer that will hit you on the head if you say "Sorry, I can now longer attend the hen due to other commitments, I really hope you have a good time!"?

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 21/01/2019 00:03

£300-400?!?!?

Whatever happened to a trip to a pub followed by a tacky nightclub?

HollowTalk · 21/01/2019 00:05

You don't have to go. If you're crawling towards pay day then it would be crazy to spend what little money you have on a hen do like this.

pineapplepenthouse · 21/01/2019 00:07

I paid to go on mine. Would never have expected my friends to pay and me to go for free!

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