People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

I think on that one it was due to the fact he was clearly not a nice person due to the way he treated the OP. She’d have got the same responses without the prison bit.

I’d want to know what someone was in prison for before forming an opinion. I know someone who was in prison for non payment of council tax and that was being a victim of circumstance (& is actually a disgusting reflection on our laws) and absolutely nothing to do with her as a person.

Depends on what crime
Shoplifting when 14 or battering a granny for her pension when 14

Very different

I think the reaction on that thread was very much in the context of what a twat the ex had been and the jail was just used as another factor to ensure the OP didn't have any romantic delusions about him. As it turns out from the OP's update, it seems the concerns were justified, he is sinister and therefore the criminal record may be relevant to assessing his personality for the worse.

I don't think people are that judgmental in other more positive contexts so I wouldn't sweat it. The reaction on that thread wasn't about you and your circumstances.

I'm a prison nurse, I wouldn't think you are a bad person but I wouldn't associate with you either, because from experience prison results from bad lifestyle choices eg 40% of all crime is drug related and 10% of men in prison are there for sexual offences against children. A sizeable minority of female prisoners are in for fraud. I don't want to be around drugs, I wouldn't trust someone that has been prosecuted for fraud and clearly wouldn't associate with someone convicted with schedule one offences. Most other crimes relate to violence and I don't particularly want that in my life either. It's actually very hard to be sent to prison, so either you have committed multiple offences or the offences you have committed twice are very serious?

I think it totally depends on what the crime was. Stealing from Tesco or whatever because your kids are starving due to benefit money mistakes or something like that are worlds apart from mugging someone in a violent attack...

It's actually very hard to be sent to prison
^ This.

Speaking frankly: I would consider you to have been a bad person in your youth. If I had known of you then I would assume you had shit circumstances that led to it and feel a mixture of disdain and sorry for you.

I work in the justice system, I don't judge people by their past, but by their current behaviour and intentions, people do make bad choices, but they can also make changes. I do have friends with criminal convictions (guarantee most of MN couldn't pick them from a line up)

Thing is OP, jail time generally come for things that are dishonest, violent or sexually aggressive so I would reasonably question the character of someone who had been in prison.

That said, I do think there are people that can reform or were driven to commit certain acts through circumstances that do not necessarily define their character years later.

Unless you were wrongly convicted then personally I don't believe anyone who has been put in prison can be a good person. People using shoplifting as an example, you wouldn't be out in prison for that.

Youth detention partly due to circumstances I can understand but it really depends on the reason. I have relatives who have been inside and whilst they are related to me I don't have anything to do with them because they continue to skirt the edge of the law - and brag about it. I do believe people can change but I still then am wary eg would employ them as a gardener but not as a cleaner (real life example)

We all have different aspects of our personalities. Nobody is purely good or bad.
I know one person who went to prison. He had always presented as an amazing person but his crime was absolutely disgusting. He could separate out his two lives.
It is really difficult to get sent to prison. Either the crime was bad enough in the first place or repeat offending.
So although I don’t think someone is automatically a bad person, I would steer clear of anybody who had been. Especially more than once. Whatever the crime really because, as a PP said, it is partly a lifestyle choice.

I think on the thread he was talking about the guy was being a dick to the op then mentioned he'd been in jail too which made him look like even less of a catch than he did before.

I wouldn't necessarily think someone was a bad person because they committed a crime, but especially depending on what they did it would give me pause as to whether I wanted them in my life.

I also think mentioning you've just come out of jail (as in the thread you're discussing) doesn't give the impression your life is currently going well.

Actually it isn't hard to be sent to prison friending on your background, white middle class , original parents go up in front of a judge for moderate amounts of drugs possession (enough to be considered more than personal use), you'll get a community sentence, little Johnny made a mistake but he's from a good family, he'll come right. As opposed to a young, ethnic minority lad, from a home with a single parent on benefits, living in a high rise block of flats, much more likely to get custody.
Others will never get to court because of their family, eg two teens flipped a car into a field near PILs, drunk. Affluent middle class parents paid the farmer to say no more and tow the car from the field, waited for the boys to sober up then reported it to police as an accident, imagine if those boys had been from a sink hole estate in East London and done it there, do you think they would've gotten away with it? If there parent had waltzed into a police station would they have been listened to in the same way, believed, or had the confidence to try and pull something like that off in the first place?

you wouldn't be out in prison for that.
@pinkhin24 tell that to the thousands of incarcerated shop lifters in the UK.

It does make me laugh when people who clearly have never worked within the justice system make sweeping statements about things they know nothing about

I know someone that has been in prison due to shoplifting. Not for a first time shoplifting offence you wouldn't but for multiple times what other choice is there?

you wouldn't be out in prison for that.

pinkhin24 tell that to the thousands of incarcerated shop lifters in the UK.

Yeah but lets be honest, it's either for very high net value shoplifting eg nicking expensive jewellery OR hundreds of repeat offences. Let's not make out that people are in prison for nicking a £1.99 sandwich from Tesco as a one off to feed their kids, because they really aren't!

tell that to the thousands of incarcerated shop lifters in the UK

Not for a first offence you wouldn't - you'd have to be pretty prolific to get a prison sentence.

I think what the previous poster means is that if you are unlikely to go to prison for a first shoplifting offence which doesn't involve violence or a weapon. Those who are in jail are repeat offenders who have been caught dozens of time.

I don't think I know anyone who's been in prison.

Thing is, you don't get sent to prison for making mistakes, do you?

As someone's said upthread, It's really hard to get sent to prison in the UK. It will generally be for doing something utterly appalling, or for consistently trying to fuck over the rest of society over a long period of time.

Jeez obvioisly by shoplifting I don't mean someone robbing a jewellers... or a constant and repeat offender. Bht the example of someone nicking some food from Tesco for their kids, you aren't going to prison for that!

non-payment of council tax
shoplifting

Both wishy-washy descriptions of theft.

You have to do something quite serious or repeatedly to get a prison sentence in this country so yes I would have reservations. None of my friends or family been to prison bar a great uncle for conscientious objection.

The 'twice' would be enough to make me disassociate. Once - fair enough, people make mistakes, shit happens. But to do it again? That's not good.

I know people who have broken the law (possession of coke for example so not a small crime). I don’t know anyone who has been to prison though. If someone told me they had been to prison I would assume they either lead a bad life (I.e. repeatedly broke the law in small ways) or did something bad (bad enough to go to prison for a first attempt). Both are things that I consider there isn’t much going back from.

I report from the court a lot. Magistrates, and increasingly judges, do all they can to keep offenders out of jail because there’s not enough room in prisons.

You have to commit many minor offences or a pretty major one to be sent to jail these days. Non-payment of Council tax has to be repetitive and deliberate. I’ve seen shoplifters on their 100th offence escape custody,