People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

It's a bit daft to assume someone is really bad became they've been in prison. I've known some really nasty people who have never been inside.
I had a relationship with someone who had been to prison in his younger days but he was a lovely man.

That was to Pink Gin,BTW

I’d see it a bit differently. I would consider that people who end up in prison are in general very disadvantaged and traumatised people.

Nah. I grew up in a very deprived area. Getting sent to jail was perfectly avoidable for people who didn't go seeking out trouble. Growing up where I did is what makes my mind boggle at how my naice PIL pretend like SIL's partner isn't a complete dodgy fucker who any sane person from my background would have avoided knowing how many times he'd been in jail and for what. Poverty doesn't rid people of their morality.

You don't get sent to prison if you can't pay your council tax. You get sent down for repeatedly refusing to pay when there is no good reason to do so.

^Council Tax and Prison
You can be sent to prison for up to 3 months if the court decides you don’t have a good reason to not pay your Council Tax and you refuse to do so.

Most people ask if they can go to jail for not paying council tax. There have been cases in the UK where people have been jailed for not paying their council tax however, this is extremely rare.

If you can’t afford to make payments to your arrears, then the local authority can ask for your committal to prison. In order to be sent to prison the magistrate must be convinced that you have either ‘wilfully refused’ to pay the tax or you have been ‘culpably neglectful’ which means you have had the means to pay but have simply neglected to pay .^

Doesn't seem to have done Vicky Pryce's career any harm!

I hope I wouldn't judge - especially for something done ages ago. Crime is so often linked to poverty/lack of opportunity/poor mental health/low levels of education. I judge society and the government for allowing so many people to fall into a big hole of despair. It's all very well for me and my family with our education and comfortable lifestyle.

That sounds more patronising than I intended it to.

What about someone who is in prison because they cant pay their council tax

It doesn't happen. Prolonged systemic refusal to pay council tax gets you put in prison, not being poor.

Poverty doesn't rid people of their morality.

This is bang on. I grew up poor. The suggestion that, as a result, i am less able to make good choices, is fucking offensive.

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about you. I would ask questions and be open minded. If your crimes were a result of drug addiction and you were now clean, I would be sympathetic. If you came across as unremorseful or dishonest, I would be wary however.

I know quite a few people who have done short sentences for environmental activism or similar. When the Stansted 15 get sentenced they might well get custodial sentences: www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/dec/16/migrants-deportation-stansted-actvists

I think that happens less these days because of overcrowding, but as someone upthread said, your chances of a custodial sentence are massively increased if you're from the 'wrong' social background.

I've worked with women who have done custodial sentences for drug related offences and almost all of them were being abused and or pimped by men.

That sounds more patronising than I intended it to.

It is patronising as fuck. There are plenty of us from non-privileged backgrounds who have managed not to grow up with moral compasses.

I have a friend who served a sentence for a violent offence in his early 20s. In the context of his upbringing and relationship with the man he hurt, it is not justifiable, but it is understandable. He is not a bad person, but he did a bad thing.

He's now in his 40s and lives an entirely different life. He did as much education as he could while inside, continued after release and now has good qualifications and a good job. He's married to a lady from a very different background. He hasn't been in any trouble for 20 years.

I like him, I trust him and I feel safe with him. Because I know him, I would not automatically look down on someone who had served time. It would make me stop and think and look at all the information, but I would distinguish between someone who had been in trouble consistently and not learned from it, and someone who had moved on from bad decisions half a lifetime ago.

No, I don't think so, especially not so when young people are criminalised when they shouldn't have been.
Don't fall into the self fulfilling prophecy trap.

when young people are criminalised when they shouldn't have been.

Any examples?

I wouldn't immediately judge someone on the basis of prison but may judge on certain crimes and how the person is now.

Well for me it was:

Remand to youth offenders institute for theft. Was released at sentencing.

Second time it was obtaining a pecuniary by deception. In other words not declaring my previous conviction when applying for a job.

Been out for 15 years now and happily engaged with 5 kids :)

Look, people CAN change and some do - but a lot don't, so it's a tad unfair and unreasonable to get miffed because people react badly to being told that you've been in prison.

Yeah, you probably had a couple of poor decisions in your younger days - but let's face it, one should have been enough. And yes, it does depend on what your crimes were too!

I'm biased though - my BIL has been to jail twice now, and although my DH doesn't think he deserved it, it was due to a pattern of poor choices, poor behaviour and unwillingness to address the problems (primarily drunken and violence issues). He's also potentially facing jail time again - mostly due to his past history, which again my DH thinks is unfair, BUT judges have to look at patterns of behaviour and whether or not he's actually fit to live in society. We'll see.

If you've lived your best life since being released though, and have atoned for your crimes, then people shouldn't keep harping on about it once they know the situation.

Sorry, crossposted with you there.

5 kids, wow!!

My uncle was put away in the 70s for a year in Brixton for beating a man unconscious. I don't think he's a bad person now - the man he beat was a bad person anyway.
My uncle has always had s quick temper.
He learnt his lesson & never committed another crime.

My grandad got in fights in the army & ended up in the army jail a few times. But once he married my nan he was good as gold.

Would I date a man who'd been in prison?
It depends on how remorseful he is & whether he'd learnt from it & obviously on the type of crime.

What did you nick, Firsttimedad?

surprised by the negativity?

I'm surprised you're suprised, tbh.

It's never going to be a good thing, is it?

You can put it behind you and live a good life, but people will always be slightly shocked.

The UK used to have a terrible record for imprisoning youths (far worse than most civilised Western countries). Thankfully that has improved, and a lot of young people who were imprisoned years ago would be treated differently for the same offences now. I would not assume someone who was incarcerated as a youth was a bad person but I would be more wary of someone who had been imprisoned as an adult.

Unless you were wrongly convicted then personally I don't believe anyone who has been put in prison can be a good person

This ^^

Growing up poor doesn't mean you automatically have no morals. They don't go hand in hand. Poverty is no excuse to break the law.

I know two people who have been in prison and they are both real gems. One has his own company and I met him on a course for social enterprise entrepreneurs. He is helping other individuals with their lives and regrets his past.

The other had trauma in her life, got a bad boyfriend and ended up taking heroin with him. She is now clean, has a job a husband and a child and is back to her previous kind generous and funny self.

I would of course be wary of people who have been to prison but I trust my own instincts.

I think for most of us it’s quite an alien thing. I am from a rural middle class background, same for the vast majority of the people I know (I realise it is quite echo chamber-y). I don’t know anyone who has been to prison. I work in a regulated profession - a conviction would be immediately career ending, even a conviction for something some might deem “minor”.

In that context prison sounds very “other” and incredibly serious which means that my first reaction would be to avoid someone who had been to prison, especially more than once as rightly or wrongly I absolutely would assume they were a really bad person.

@Lalliella Wow there’s a lot of judgemental people on this thread. So you don’t think people can make mistakes in their youth, see the error of their ways and change? You think they should be written off as a bad person forever? Not heard of giving people a second chance and actually admiring them for turning their lives around? Good grief.

So do you actually employ a former child abuser as your babysitter, or a former thief as your cleaner?