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AIBU?

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Original poster

People that have been in Jail.

433 replies

firsttimedad79 · 20/01/2019 07:55

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

OP posts:
Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 20/01/2019 08:38

‘Bad person’ is a simplistic term that I would use when talking to a child. As an adult, I would assume that you were tried in a court of law and found guilty of a crime serious enough to warrant a prison term. I would keep in mind that women’s criminal offenses are often as a result of domestic violence and addiction. Not necessarily an evil or bad person or character but really, really bad choices. But you are not someone I would want influencing my children until or unless I knew all the details and could make an informed judgement based on your own circumstances.

EvaHarknessRose · 20/01/2019 08:39

It is significant information and might indicate that the person has a different value system to me, poor judgement, past negative, experiences which will continue to affect them, a possible propensity to violence, poor impulse control, negatively impacting society or others for their own gain. Of course they might not, and they might now not. But if I am honest I would struggle to invest years of my life in finding out.

Zebra31 · 20/01/2019 08:40

I don’t know anyone that has been to prison and I am going to be brutally honest. I would not want my daughter associating with anyone that had any spent any time in jail. Infact I fully intend to discourage it as she gets older. I definitely do judge. I can’t help it. I tend to think about the victims of the crime rather than the perpetrators.

Kennehora · 20/01/2019 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsTSwift · 20/01/2019 08:42

Slightly baffled that op is “surprised by the negativity” about going to jail !

DonCorleoneTheThird · 20/01/2019 08:43

Put it this way, I wouldn't let my kids befriending you.

I volunteered in sport facilities in deprived areas, and met some very troubled youths. On one side, you want to help as much as possible and most could be really likeable when you are on the same side, but on the other hand you always feel like you are near an explosive that could explode at any minute.

pinkdelight · 20/01/2019 08:43

Also worth saying - the negativity around people who've been to prison is surely part of why prison is (to some extent, obv it's a complex issue) a deterrent to committing crime. It's not just that you go to prison, but that you potentially screw up your life in other ways e.g. social stigma beyond the jail sentence. If people were automatically fine about people who'd been in prison, without knowing the context, then prison wouldn't be such a threat. Intrinsic to it is a sense that you've been cast out of society for your crimes and aren't automatically accepted again.

Lalliella · 20/01/2019 08:43

Wow there’s a lot of judgemental people on this thread. So you don’t think people can make mistakes in their youth, see the error of their ways and change? You think they should be written off as a bad person forever? Not heard of giving people a second chance and actually admiring them for turning their lives around? Good grief.

Zoflorabore · 20/01/2019 08:45

I would be more surprised op to see positivity as opposed to negativity.

Surely after being in prison for whatever reason you have come to accept that the general population would view this as a bad thing? It's hardly something to shout about.

MsTSwift · 20/01/2019 08:49

We are not in 17th century France you don’t go down for stealing a loaf of bread to feed your starving nephew anymore.

Herja · 20/01/2019 08:50

A friend on my college course was in prison. It was 20 years ago and for a violent crime, but he was tried under joint enterprise. His lack of understanding and poor representation meant he pleaded not guilty, because to his mind he hadn't done it, he didn't understand the idea of joint enterprise. The person who was actually violent got less time than him by pleading guilty. He was also a drug addict at the time. I know because I was helping him with his personal statement and UCAS application.

He's now clean, married and has a small baby. I do not think he's in any way a bad person. Not everyone is by any means.

Mintychoc1 · 20/01/2019 08:52

OP I would have very negative views on you, whatever your crimes, not least because you went to jail more than once. Did you not learn the first time?

SPR1107 · 20/01/2019 08:55

My brother went to prison (over 20 years ago): he was a 'pain in the arse' youth but not a bad person, we live in a small town, police know everyone. They just used to drop him back off to my parents after a few too many, as his mouth ran away with him once he'd had a drink. One policeman in particular, took a disliking to him.
One DAY (sober), he was in town shopping and two of his friends who were brothers, were fighting each other, he went over to split them up. The policeman who didn't like him came, he broke his kneecap, and his nose.. completely battered him. All three got arrested, the two brothers (who were fighting), pleaded guilty and went home, my brother who tried to split up the fight pleaded not guilty, and got put away for a year. He lost his job. He didn't get to see his child. It sounds dramatic but was all very corrupt.
But he disassociated himself from anyone that fought upon leaving, he got qualifications in prison, he got a good job upon leaving, he's a homeowner, a husband, a fantastic father of 3.

My point is, each case is different, I don't think many have come across my brother and would believe he's a bad person. In fact the opposite, struggle to believe he's been in there.

AliTheMinx · 20/01/2019 08:56

Yes. I would be wary - especially after 2 stints in prison. As others have said, they must have been pretty serious offences. I only know of one person who has been in prison and he is completely off the rails. Prison doesn't seem to have 'corrected him. If anything, he seems to have become more cunning...

Elfinablender · 20/01/2019 08:56

I'm pretty sure that there are some people who have been to jail who aren't bad or who are reformed characters.

But I feel no inclination to take the chance.

evaperonspoodle · 20/01/2019 08:58

I was visiting a women's prison recently and horrified to discover that the majority were in for non payment of TV licence. Nearly all single mothers living in sink estates. The rate of self harm and suicide was very high. Very sad sight indeed.

Cookit · 20/01/2019 08:59

I’d consider that you have to have done something pretty seriously wrong to have gone to prison and I’d be wary of you.

Shednik · 20/01/2019 08:59

I’d see it a bit differently. I would consider that people who end up in prison are in general very disadvantaged and traumatised people. I would see having been to prison as an indication of having been in a very bad place. If you haven’t been back to prison, i’d think you had overcome a lot.

thedancingbear · 20/01/2019 09:03

So you don’t think people can make mistakes in their youth, see the error of their ways and change?

Except they are not mistakes, are they? They are nearly always either (deliberate) single, appalling acts; or (deliberate) long, long term repeatedly shitting on the people around them.

Of course people can change, but it's a fuck of a long way back from there.

I wouldn't write someone off for just having a criminal record but I'd be extremely wary of anyone who'd done time.

SuperMam123 · 20/01/2019 09:05

Op I have a very good, female friend who went to prison for glassing a man on a night out who had tried to sexually assault her. Since getting out she has never been in trouble since, she has a degree, she is a fantastic mother and one of the best friends I've ever had yet people do still judge her on her past crime. People can change and sometimes people go into prison for things that aren't as clear cut as they sound at face value.

FruitCider · 20/01/2019 09:05

I was visiting a women's prison recently and horrified to discover that the majority were in for non payment of TV licence. Nearly all single mothers living in sink estates. The rate of self harm and suicide was very high. Very sad sight indeed.

Is that what the prisoners told you? 😉

Most female prisoners are in prison for drug dealing, theft and violence.

thedancingbear · 20/01/2019 09:06

I’d see it a bit differently. I would consider that people who end up in prison are in general very disadvantaged and traumatised people.

Fuck that. I grew up on a council estate. Friends with single parent families, genuine poverty. My friends and I all managed not doing anything that led to us getting locked up.

All choices are made against our background, who we are, the lives we've lived, the morals that those around have given us. To suggest that 'disadvantage' is enough to land you in clink is silly and infantilising.

GunpowderGelatine · 20/01/2019 09:08

I think you're being ABU. You don't go to jail for nice reasons or good deeds.

However I'd assume worse of a man because far for men than women go to jail due to violent crimes. Women tend to go to jail for theft, drugs etc, in which case I'd just feel sad for them

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/01/2019 09:11

What about someone who is in prison because they cant pay their council tax

thedancingbear · 20/01/2019 09:11

Hold on gunpowder, you'd feel sad for a thief or a drug dealer, because they are a woman? Let's see how you'd feel if they emptied your granny's savings account

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