People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

Remand to youth offenders institute for theft. Was released at sentencing.

You were remanded the first time you got caught stealing someone? Was it the queens crown or something just as valuable?

Second time it was obtaining a pecuniary by deception. In other words not declaring my previous conviction when applying for a job.

So you lied about your criminal record when applying for a job and they sent you to prison? What kind of job? How many times did you commit this offence?

"when young people are criminalised when they shouldn't have been.
Any examples?"

There are loads in Secure Children's Homes, who should have had greater input of services and/or removal, long before they did something 'criminal'.

For me it does depend on the circumstances. I've seen people bullied into minding/transporting drugs and guns and getting involved in things, even as Adults.

A friend of my DD was in a DV relationship. She'd been brought up in care, had a baby die, her Sister killed herself and lots more. Her Partner had drugs in her house and she got three years. Frankly it was a joke, there were Men commiting violent and drug offences getting less.

I think people would be shocked to know that their are Male Nurses, SWs etc working, who had violent convictions, whilst under 25. Also, ex drug uses with lots of convictions. They just got to be five years ago, at the start of placement. You go before your professional body and explain the circumstances.

We are all entitled to deal breakers when choosing Partners, though. Some Men will give a Woman whose had SS involvement a chance, other won't, for example.

@PinkGin24 exactly

firsttimedad79
I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.
AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

YABVU. Did you read the thread and hear the OP;s story or did you just make it all about you?

She was in love with him.
He had a secret life. He sent her a text to dump her and say he was going to prison.
10 years later he reappears and tries to blackmail her with some photos.

Do you think that people get 10 years for a first time offence, or one that isn't serious? Why are you surprised 'at the negativity' towards him and why do you think it was because he had been in prison?

People should visit the 'We are all criminals' website. It's American but the message is universal.

Also, I can remember a case where a Dad desperate to get off the sink estate lied about earnings to get a Mortgage. He paid the Mortgage but was found out amd went to Prison for fraud. It was one case were the press reported it because he died in Prison.

There a massive amount of over sentencing for all types of fraud.

40% of suicides and a lot more attempts, in Prison are made by Prisoners on remand. There are still a lot of mentally ill prisoners, who are first time offenders, whose crime was committed during an episode, completely out of the norm.

This was the findings of a report into one inmates suicide, who died because costs had been cut, so observations didn't take place.

If I knew someone had been in prison it would make me cautious of them. I wouldn’t assume they were a bad person but I’d think it more likely.
Someone up thread mentioned the stanstead 15 and I don’t think they are bad people. I would definitely view activists in prison differently to regular criminals.

@thedancingbear I stole a mobile phone. But I was homeless at the time which is why I was remanded.

@userschmoozer it was more that people were focusing on that one aspect which was what got me curious.

"Do you think that people get 10 years for a first time offence, or one that isn't serious?"

The issue is what the justice system deems serious.

Get sucked into 'organised crime' and even as a driver you can get 22 years (I know a person who this has happened to).

Yet I know of a don't-give-a-fuck-nasty dealer/supplier, he particularly enjoys taking a baseball bat to drug addicted prostitutes who can't pay, who got 18 months.

We see rapists and child abusers walk from court.

• @thedancingbear I stole a mobile phone. But I was homeless at the time which is why I was remanded.*

From a shop? Or a person? Was it a theft or a robbery or a burglary?

They don't demand people for being homeless, they place them in a bail hostel.

Being placed on remand for picking up a phone found on the street and not returning eg basic theft seems unlikely.

Did you even read the thread in question? Said person who went to jail clearly learnt nothing, as he then started harassing a former girlfriend, the op. He admitted to basically stalking her, and more or less threatened with nude pics. You consider him to be decent and to have learnt his lesson? If you do I think you need to reconsider who you socialise with. That's not normal.

People do make mistakes but I would still be wary of anyone who went to prison. That's simply because they clearly felt the law was beneath them and they didn't need to worry about any potential danage they cause to another person. Whether that's fraud, murder, harassment, drugs, theft etc I don't care. Generally when you commit a crime, you hurt someone in the process. And you considered them below you. That tells me a lot about you. You aren't trustworthy. Now if you then show regret and try to honestly build bridges and repay society, depending on the crime I can forgive you. But you have to work hard at that. You can't expect trust to be given.

I wouldn’t automatically assume that someone who had been to prison was a bad person. However, given that generally speaking past behaviour is a good indicator of future behaviour, and that in this country prisons still seem much more about punishment rather than reform/rehabilitation I think it’s natural to be more cautious of someone who had been to jail. But it does also depend on the nature of the crime and the specific circumstances, and as this thread shows, there are plenty of people who have successfully turned their lives around.

I think people can change and I think some don’t. Not being able to know the difference would stop me from associating with someone who had been in prison. Or with someone who I knew had committed crimes even if they hadn’t been to prison.

MIL’s brother was arrested and charged for threatening someone. He pleaded not guilty... until the day of the court case and he changed his plea because the threat had been recorded. He didn’t go to prison (fine, suspended sentence) because he said the right things in court about remorse. On release he was muttering about revenge.

You can never know that someone has changed.

Been out for 15 years now and happily engaged with 5 kids smile

I am not saying you are a bad person now but the above is irrelevant plenty of bad people get engaged and have kids.

As someone who has never had any dealings with the police,yes i am negative towards people who have been in jail as I have managed to get through life without why shouldn't others? And no priveledged life here.

I think some people don't like to accept that others didn't have a chance from the start. When you got given your first shot of heroin aged 12 from your dad how the hell is that a fair start in life?!

When you say you were released at sentencing you imply for those who don't understand the language, that you were innocent. You weren't, you had merely spent sufficient time on remand.
Then you lied. I don't believe that was the sole reason you went to prison a second time- Where were you working? In most cases that would get you fired, not sent to jail.

I have friends who've been to jail - one was drug running, She was a kid (19) and got involved with some gangsters (she was dating one, it was her thing when we were younger) and then ended up in a mess. I don't think she's a bad person.
I had a boyfriend whose brother murdered someone (fight went wrong and he stabbed someone to death) and went to prison for life with a ten year minimum sentence. He was a nice man before he did it but used to get into 'pub fights' (they all did) I don't like violence of any sort, so I wouldn't be friends with him now (when I was younger I had much less courage in my own convictions)
I don't like violent people and i don't like liars- on that basis I wouldn't want you near me or my family. You are still minimising what you did by the way.

I wouldn't necessarily think of a person who's been in prison as bad but at the same time, I wouldn't really want someone in my life with convictions for theft/violence/drugs. Sounds like hard work.

There are actually 2 criminals distantly related in my family. It's my uncles former wife's father and brother. She sadly passed away. But when they were married, the brother went to jail for the father as he wouldn't have coped in prison. They are still committing the same crimes. They don't give a damn at all. They don't deserve any sympathy for their crimes.

Youth offenders on remand =/= 10 years in jail.

I know a few people from the past who've been to jail, only for quite serious reasons. Only one of them would I describe as a good person, he lived an extremely chaotic life and I'd love to know that he is ok, I'd help him however I could but without involving him with my family. The others wouldn't do me any harm either, but I wouldn't want to bring the chaos of any of their lives into mine, there's no upside to it. Oh wait now, my old gardener was in prison in Russia for a week for literally nothing (a car event that wasn't even his fault) and I'd employ him again if I could. Where am I getting to, I guess that I take anybody based on their own merits and brief non-UK prison sentences I might also treat differently. If I didn't know somebody before they went to prison then I'd be even more wary; it would depend on what they had done and why, but I'd be overall less inclined to have them in my life. If someone has been to prison twice in the UK then at the least they seem unable to learn, sorry OP but I'd be keeping you at a distance as much as possible.

In the other thread, this was a man who wants something of her. She isn't obligated to provide anything, particularly when it complicates her own life and he behaved like a prize bellend when she knew him before. Anyway he quickly stepped up a notch, so it's obvious he should get nowhere near her.

I imagine some of it comes down to whether you really believe rehabilitation is possible. I do. I know that recidivism rates are high, but I do believe people can genuinely change. Obviously there are crimes at the more extreme end of the criminal spectrum where this looks less likely, and often (if not always unfortunately) the sentencing reflects this - so you’re less likely to meet those people anyway.

I’m fascinated by the ‘morally acceptable’ reasons for crime that people state. So someone might accept a person steals because they’re hungry and their benefits were messed up, but not if that person was raised in a very unstable home in which theft was considered the norm?

I grew up in an area where a number of my neighbours had criminal convictions. It was the norm, sadly, for them to have repeated jail time. I have family with criminal convictions. I knew, and know, them as people and not just ex offenders. They committed crimes, they ‘deserved’ their sentence, but it’s not as simple as them being ‘evil’ people. There is a lot in the backgrounds of many offenders, eg abuse, unsupported SN, poverty, crime in the family etc.

I’m not saying that excuses their crimes. But I can’t just immediately jump to disliking all ex offenders and believing they can’t change. I’ve seen people be rehabilitated, some who have gone on to try and help others, and try and prevent people going down the same path. I think companies like Timpsons do a great job of actually specifically offering work to ex offenders.

I’ll reiterate that I know there are plenty of people who commit crimes and are not nice people and won’t be rehabilitated. But I can’t immediately jump to the place of ‘I just don’t trust them’ for every single person that has been inside. Because I do believe rehabilitation is possible, for some, and that along with prevention should be our aim.

Jail is different to prison. You can go to jail before you are convicted of anything, so you can be completely innocent and still have been to jail. If you get sent to prison, you have been convicted of a crime and are presumed guilty.

The OP isn’t on trial here! Listen to some of you, so judgemental. I work in the CJS and I have seen plenty of people remanded for being homeless, sometimes for their own safety.

Try growing up with a crack addicted mother who’s string of boyfriends sexually abuse you and see if you turn out “normal”. That happened to a woman I worked with. Or try growing up on an estate run by gangs who threaten you and your family if you don’t do what they want. What are you going to do, report them to the police? Yeah right. People who judge clearly do so from a position of privilege.

yes, and this gentleman is leaving out the bit that he was sentenced, by trying to imply he was released at trial, he was, but only at sentencing. People who are not found guilty are not sentenced.

Minimising bullshit. Still a dishonest person.